


Not Home Yet But Almost There

by xXxSorryBabyxXx (MattedZamo)



Category: Killing Eve (TV 2018)
Genre: F/F, Some Fluff, There's gonna be some angst, at this point and time i'd like to let everyone know you can pull italics from my cold dead hands, so this picks up about a year after eve gets shot, some smut, spoiler alert! they have to go back to Europe, they're in Alaska now, they're not together but they're not NOT together you know?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-28
Updated: 2020-02-26
Packaged: 2020-07-23 11:41:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 48,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20007724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MattedZamo/pseuds/xXxSorryBabyxXx
Summary: Eve and Oksana make do in Alaska, going by their day to day as if Eve didn't get shot, as if they weren't fugitives, as if everything is okaybecause it is.Until Carolyn shows up to their home and pop their self made bubble of their new reality.





	1. Domestication is Key

She was bored, Eve could tell. It was in the way she seemed to carry on through life, defeated and deflated, the little glimmer in her eyes fading as quickly as the Alaskan sun during the winter. She didn’t blame Oksana, really, the life they had in Europe compared to now was night and day. The “life” they had, the constant chase, the constant whirlwind of emotions, the constant push and pull of power between the two kept the days interesting, kept them both on their toes, kept their minds sharp even if they were both losing it. A day in their old life in Europe was more exciting than a week during their time in Alaska. 

In all fairness, it’s not like they’d been settled down for very long. 

Getting to America, much less  _ Alaska _ , a state that was as far away from Europe as they could possibly get wasn’t the simplest of tasks considering they had all of the European intelligence agencies on their asses like white on rice. Eve barely remembered any of the moments of uncertainty, of those nights when Oksana would be gone for hours, or maybe just an hour, to do God knows what. With each passing day, she felt they were one step closer to being caught, beaten just for being a national annoyance, and then thrown in separate jails for good measure. 

After a couple of months of ducking in shabby hotels and hiding from anyone who looked even remotely official, or hiding from anyone from their past life, Oksana was able to secure a boat that could take them to the coast of Maine before leaving them on their own. Eve figured living in Maine would be a cute time, but Oksana needed peace, peace from people and peace from the prospect of a lengthy summer. So they stuck with their original plan to head to Alaska. They hitchhiked for a month more, and Eve blocked out those two men that Oksana had quietly killed and laid down for an eternal rest hidden in forests along the sides of roads. To this day, she prays they don’t connect them to her girl. 

They drove at night, keeping to back roads and trying to avoid cameras at all costs. They lived off twinkies and sweets and hot dogs and taking small sips of days old water bottles to avoid having to stop for anything except gas. 

She hasn’t bought hot dogs or Kit Kats in the eight months she’s been here. 

After arriving, they bought off a cabin from a guy who was desperate to sell, but not quite desperate to try and bribe them to sleep with him for a lower price. Oksana had given up her clothes, her hairpins, her expensive perfumes, but her knives were her babies and she wasn’t afraid to show his neck one of them, which also happened to be the same one still sticky with blood from the second guy that had to die at her hands. 

He was quick to give up the little cabin without much issue after that.

It was small, compact, with three small bedrooms on the second floor, the only full bath in their bedroom, a half bathroom in the basement where the laundry room went as did the boiler and the master controls. They had a cozy fireplace in the living room with a small dining room where the front door opened and the kitchen beside it that was the second biggest room in the entire house. The outside was wood while the inside was stone and brick with wooden floors and plush rugs everywhere. Eve was the one who wanted the rugs across all the floors, but during the days when she mainly stayed in bed, she found Oksana had folded them and put them in the corners of the rooms. 

She didn’t mind. 

Oksana let her work herself to the bone to make the house comfortable, and she even gained the task of chopping down trees for firewood. She had a job during the weekday evenings and some weekends at some grocery store a few miles away under the name Cassandra Ming and no one questioned her anymore about her life before Alaska, they all accepted that she had had a terrible, awful, no good divorce and needed the freshest of starts. Once a month, she'd sell off the coats and meat of the animals Oksana hunted for some extra cash. 

That was Oksana’s main form of entertainment, how she kept herself busy, and also why Eve never ventured into the basement, not even that one time the boiler shut off while the temperatures were low and she needed to bathe for work but Oksana was gone. She simply called out sick that entire week. She hunted for sport now, going days to chase prey, usually whatever was in season, and the rare duck when she was up for a good chase. She took her time dragging them back to the house, in the old pickup they robbed that was insanely dirty from all the mud that was splashed on it, both from high speed car rides and the intentional throws when Oksana was upset over something while out. The pickup always made Eve lightheaded whenever she saw it, and she drove an old town car that they bought cheap at some salvage shop. The owner was a kind woman, had become a grease monkey after her husband died and fixed up cars to sell them cheap to keep her mind sharp. Eve would love to do the same if she wasn’t repulsed by the idea of having car grease permanently stain your fingers until death do them part. 

“I will not hunt bears.” She announced one day. She had been in the house for a surprising day and a half, but only because she had rolled her ankle to hard carrying some animal to the basement and Eve forced her to rest. 

Eve hummed in response, changing the ice packs. Oksana was laid up on the couch, taking up the entire gray upholstery with flannel patches on it that they put feet away from the fire. 

“They are sweet.”

“Oh ho-” Eve chuckled, spreading a rug and some blankets on the floor so she could sit and read in front of the fireplace. Her back was hurting, and it probably showed, but she had been complaining less and less. “-are they really?”

“Yes Eve, have some compassion.” Oksana said, raising her voice a little and sitting up. She had been wearing absolutely nothing against a silk robe that reached the floor and was all baby blue, and it spread open to reveal her cream skinned body. 

Eve got up wordlessly, pushing Oksana back into the little mound of pillows she was resting on and replacing the fallen ice pack to where her ankle was, thankfully not swollen and with minimal color. Oksana reached up to grab Eve’s hand, firmly at first, to stop her movements, and Eve looked into her eyes, her dark greens, her beautiful and still delicate features that she’s found so much comfort in. 

“Eve?” Eve leant down to kiss her knuckles, and swallowed down her tears, and she knew, without seeing them, that they were full of unspoken words, of other unshed tears, of buried emotions. “Eve?” Oksana repeated with worry and fear of why she was so quiet. 

“Of course I have compassion.” Eve started, after she was sure that she wouldn’t bust out crying after the first syllable left her mouth. “You’re right to not kill those bears.” She gently pried her hand from Oksana’s grasp before plopping herself down on her own little mound of blankets, her back to Oksana. They had gone to sleep like that, Eve on the floor and Oksana on the couch, but when Eve woke up in the morning, Oksana was gone. 

That had been two months ago. 

Eve had worked hard to make their house a home until there was nothing left to do and then she would go to work and stay in bed. Their only TV was downstairs, and her phone, as well, usually. Eve had had a small fight with O over getting phones, but it wasn’t until she broke and revealed how fucking scared she was of O getting hurt out there with no way to contact Eve that O gave in. That had been a month after settling, so seven months ago. Her call log was a little bare, and they didn’t even text because Eve missed O’s voice so much. 

She was in bed, O was in the basement. Tomorrow, Eve was going to the local market to sell whatever and then get home to watch one of those shopping channels. She had chopped wood, stupidly, before work, and had called out last minute claiming her back hurt to much to move. It wasn’t a complete lie, her back  _ did _ hurt, but a giant painkiller and 20 minutes on her heating pad made it go away. She was gnawing her lip, looking at her phone worriedly, keeping it in her hands so as to not have it ring for to long. Well, it wouldn’t really ring, since she had it on silent, but still. 

An unknown number flashed on her screen and she swallowed her squeal to hastily pick up her phone. 

“Hel-”

‘ _ Eve! Oh my God, oh my G- Kenny! Kenny come here I’ve got Eve on the line!’ _

Eve chuckled quietly at Elena’s squealing, and she was surprised when she heard the unmistakable whine of an infant fairly close to the phone. 

_ ‘Hello? Eve? Is it really you?’ _

“Yes Kenny, it’s really me.” She said softly, keeping her eyes glued to the closed bedroom door. 

_ ‘Oh God. You know, you’ve got everyone worried here, mum’s never looked more confused at someone’s disappearance like that.’  _ Kenny took a pause, and Eve could here Elena cooing on the other end as both of them fell quiet.  _ ‘Did you really run off with Villanelle?’ _

Eve inhaled shakingly. She hadn’t used or heard that name in so many months. “Yes.”

_ ‘B-but how? And  _ why _? We found so much blood and-’ _

“Eve?” Oksana called up from the base of the stairs and Eve panicked and hung up the call as she heard Kenny speak. 

Eve:

_ Text me xoxo  _ [20:02]

Unsaved:

_ Fine. Elena and our baby say bye, btw  _ [20:03]

So there  _ was _ a baby. 

She had cradled her phone under her blankets and couldn’t pry her hands off of it to place them on top of the sheets, no matter the fact that that was the first time the entire day that her hands were a normal temperature. 

“Yes?” She called out, hoping that that’d keep Oksana downstairs for another moment as she gathered herself to head down to her, but she had responded to late. Oksana was already halfway up the stairs at least. 

“Are you okay? Why is the door closed?” She asked when she reached their bedroom, sitting at the foot of the bed as she finished asking her questions. She had on briefs and a white tank and socks, and Eve knew that her socks were dirty. She’d do laundry in the morning and while the clothes were drying, she’d leave for town. 

“I-yeah. Yeah I’m good. How’s downstairs?” 

“It’s fine, that was the last until the next season. Eve are you sure you are okay? You’re really red.” Oksana looked over at Eve, at her  _ really _ flushed features. She was wearing her flannel pajamas, and she knew that she had on a t shirt and some leggings underneath it and two pairs of thick socks. She deemed it all unnecessary because she personally was a little too hot for comfort. She’d take her own shirt off, but she needed Eve to focus at her worry at hand and Eve couldn’t do that if she had her tits out. She got off the bed to stand by Eve, noticing her hands deep under the covers. She brought her hand to run it through Eve’s hair, who’s curl’s had yet to recuperate from the stress of moving through life emptily for months on end. She never would comment on this, they were healthy enough, and Eve really was trying to balance out their new life, so her putting her hair on the back burner was a little bit expected. “Eve.” She sighed, a little tired of Eve holding out on her. 

“Oksana.” She heard her start, tilting her head up and gently prying her hand free from her hair after she took her hand out from underneath the blankets. She held it, firmly, as she gulped and began her sentence “I need you to please stay calm-”

“Eve-”

“-I was on the phone-”

Oksana tried tugging her hand loose, but Eve just gripped it tighter “with who?!” 

“With Elena! And Kenny!” Oksana stepped back, shaking her head, watching as Eve tried to get out of bed and almost tripping on the sheets, her phone falling to the floor with a hard thud “they’re happy I’m alive and and and they have a baby!”

“A  _ what _ ?!” 

“A baby, Oksana, you know those-”

“How could you be so selfish, Eve!” Oksana yelled, her own hands in her hair, alternating between scratching her scalp and tugging it. “I tried to get us  _ away _ from them, from MI6 and them and you just  _ call them _ ? What if they find us Eve? What then? Huh?” 

Her vision cleared, as if the kicked up dirt from a freshly stomped battlefield had been taken by the wind. She stood near the door, while Eve still stood by the bed, her downcast eyes declaring defeat, waving tiny white flags. She hated that she didn’t immediately get it, that she first thought to just yell, to release whatever pent up energy she had failed to unleash out in those woods. Eve  _ missed _ them, missed Elena and Kenny, and now she was going to miss out on their baby too. A tear fell from Eve’s eye, rolling down her cheek and falling to her improperly buttoned shirt and getting absorbed. She felt her heart break, and as often as it’s been happening, it’d be a feeling she would never get used to.

“Eve-” 

“No.” She sniffed, reaching down to pick up her phone “you’re right. I-I wasn’t thinking. I’m sorry.” Eve handed her her phone, and Oksana took it from her, looking at her to try and plead with her eyes that she was sorry. But she wouldn’t look at her. “Dip it in some milk or something. I’ll get another one in the morning.” She turned, picking the blankets up from the floor and getting back on the bed. 

That was the end of that.

Oksana sighed and descended the stairs, standing in the kitchen, only using Eve’s phone as her source of light. She checked, and sure enough, a new number was in her call log, the call having only lasted about a minute and a half. There were three new texts waiting for her from the same unsaved number and she opened them. They were two pictures and a video. The first picture was a selfie with who Oksana had to presume was Elena on a bed in front of an ultrasound machine, her belly round and huge and Kenny taking the picture. The second was just Elena, looking exhausted and very sweaty with an alien looking thing that had to be the baby, the cord still attached. The video was short, and it was Elena and her normal looking baby -it had to be a girl based off all the pink she was donned in- waving at the camera, Elena looking bright and smiling wide and laughing beautifully. 

If given the right chance, she’d tried to sleep with her. 

Oksana powered down her cell after sending a thanks with hugs and kisses and left it on the kitchen counter. It unnerved her, not immediately finding a way to destroy that thing and try to think of another place to live, but Eve had just settled into her role of single and just trying to move on from her past life, so now she’d just have to hold it. She went and turned off the fire in the living room before settling in for the night on the couch. When they had first gotten it in a bargain shop, it was only slightly below comfortable, but after so many nights of coming in late and forcing herself to settle in the couch, it was starting to pain her to even think of sleeping on it. But she’d upset Eve with her need to attack, so now she must settle. 

In the morning, before the lazy sun decided to bless the grounds with its presence, Oksana was up and doing stretches on the floor in front of the newly lit fireplace. She needed to start sleeping on the bed soon, but first she needed to talk to Eve who was currently taking her time to get down the stairs. Oksana waited for her, looking into the hallway and smiling when she saw Eve with a dark blue blanket wrapped tightly around her and her hair wild in every which way. She had dry drool all around her mouth, and crust around her eyes, and she knew her morning breath was off the charts, but in all her years of loving women, Oksana swears she’s never seen a more beautiful woman. 

“Good morning baby.” She said, opening her arms for Eve to walk right into, and hugging her tightly when she did.

“ _ mern. _ ” Was all Eve grumbled and Oksana chuckled softly into her hair. 

“Coffee?” Eve nodded. “Go sit. I’ll make it.” She replied before kissing the top of Eve’s head and sending her to the table while she went to make her her coffee. 

“I think Montana.” 

“What? What’s a Monatana?”

Half an hour later, with her cup half drained and Oksana half busy with sharpening a knife, Eve finally spoke up. It was common for Eve to just say the tail end of her thought process and for Oksana to tell her to say more so she could be on the same page as her. 

“Montana is a state babe. We could go there.” 

“Eve. If you wanted to kill me, you could just suffocate me with a pillow. I promise to stay still!” Her memory had caught up to her, and really, why even bother with  _ Montana _ ? Eve just hummed and went back to her coffee while Oksana continued with sharpening her knife, taking quick glances at the clock every now and then. Eve got up and went to the kitchen, and Oksana went to put boots and a parka on so she could load the boot of the car, the entire time looking out. It was habit, watching the surrounding forest and down the winding driveway, looking for any signs of human life that could intrude on their home, on their bubble of near solitude and safety. With a sure drop of the trunk, she went back in the house to find Eve all ready to go. She must've been out a long time because it takes ages for Eve to get ready to go to the market for the afternoon. 

“Am I all set?” Eve was putting another pair of gloves on without looking at her and she didn’t understand why, but she accepted it. 

She touched Eve’s cheek gently, a cold finger behind her ear, and she watched as Eve shivered before blushing a pretty little pink. “I love you.” 

Eve look up to her eyes then, the deeply burrowed sadness still in her eyes, but they were brown, beautiful and warm. She didn’t say anything in return, kissing the palm of her hand instead.

“I’ll see you at 3?” 

Eve kissed the palm of her hand again, maybe disregarding the fact that they were a little dirty, “I think 4, maybe 5.”

“Oh.” 

Eve took her hand in hers, her gloves were itchy and she didn’t like them, but Eve’s hands always got so cold and it took ages for them to warm up and even longer for Eve to stop whining about how cold her fingers were "don't worry," she said softly, looking at her and she in turn looking back at Eve, "I won't do anything stupid."

"I know, Eve." She took a deep breath, exhaling shakily, “I just worry.”

“I’ll be fine.” Eve chuckled, “I’m pretty decent with an axe.” 

Oksana chuckled too before walking Eve to her car and stood on the porch until the car disappeared from view and then some time after that. 

Back in the house, she made her way to the kitchen for some breakfast, but when she saw Eve’s phone still on the counter, untouched, she lost her appetite and went to go clean the mess she made downstairs and get started on laundry. 

Laundry was always a hefty task, between the both of them, they wore so many layers, and the end results ended up being heavy piles of laundry to do every two weeks. She picked up what looked to be Eve’s favorite jumper. It was navy blue, really big, and smelly with polka dots of stains all over the front. It was a very basic round neck sweatshirt, something that she wasn’t sure where it came from, nor how often she wore it, but really, judging by how desperate it looked for a clean, it was all the time. She washed it twice, once with the regular clothes and the second time with the jackets and coats. 

By the time all the clothes were washed and folded and put away in the closets in the second bedroom, after the towels and blankets were put away and the coats and jackets were hung up, she curled up in a chair to watch TV. She needed to eat something, drink some water too, but she had curled up with a blanket fresh from the dryer and the ladies voice on the shopping channel with the dark curly hair and soft creamy skin was boring enough to lull her straight to sleep. 

“...and here we have this stunning amethyst pendant on this beautiful lengthy white gold chain here…” She had slept for a long time, and her body had been desperate for rest because only when Eve had kissed her forehead was when she fully woke up. 

“Eve,” she rasped after uncurling herself to try and stand up. Her legs had fallen asleep, so her only choice was to sit up. 

“Hey baby.” 

Her tone was different. She sounded a little more cheerful, like some life had entered her body once more and settled in her voice. Oksana smiled at her, and how much better she sounded. 

“Hey, how did it go?” 

“It was good! It was- you didn’t eat?”

“I wasn’t hungry.”

“Oksana.” Eve shook her head, only a little bit, and finished peeling off her layers until she was down to her sports bra and leggings. She was hungry for Eve again, but she didn’t think that Eve would want anything. Nothing’s happened in all the time they’ve been together, and as much as it pained her, she didn’t mind keeping it that way for as long as Eve wanted. Eve made her way to the kitchen to make dinner, she presumed, and Oksana stopped when she saw a black box bag sitting on the table, an unknown label printed in gold on the front and back. 

“Eve what’s this?” She asked, poking at the tissue paper peeking out. 

“It’s for you! That’s why I got home late.” Eve called out from the kitchen, before making her way to her with the dish towel in her hand that Oksana forgot to wash. “Go upstairs and try it on.” She said quietly when she got to her, and kissed Oksana’s blanket covered shoulder before going to the kitchen again. 

Oksana shrugged before grabbing the twine handles, taking the bag upstairs, dropping it on the made bed and dropping her blanket on the floor around her. A quick shiver ran through her body, the outside temperature was a little cooler than she anticipated. 

She dug her hands into the bag, making a little “ _ oh _ ” sound, stopping when her fingers grazed against lace.

She felt the garment further, before wrapping some fingers around straps and gently lifting up. The white tissue paper lifted with it before floating to the floor and she had a black lace teddy in her eye sight, the bottom part still in the bag. She took a quick peek inside, saw there was nothing else, and trained her attention back to the teddy. She took notice of how the tag and the receipt were gone and smiled, Eve was still cocky.

“Well okay.” 

It was easy to wiggle into it, and she went to the other side of the room to admire herself in the full length mirror, whistle lowly at herself for how good she looked in it. Her hands traced over the skin that was exposed in the middle, how the v went all the way down to the top of her bellybutton where a black satin belt was, wrapping all around her, poking into the large loops that was closed off by a swirl of lace before changing to a mesh covering for her pelvis. She turned to her torso to the right, running her hand over her ass and groaning slightly. She wasn’t sure what she missed more, the fact that she hadn’t admired herself in front of the mirror for more than a year or the fact that she hadn’t worn anything so elegantly sexy in an almost equal amount of time. 

It was probably both.

“Look at you.” Eve said from behind her, and she turned slowly to look at her, her hands resting on her hips. 

“How much was this?” Eve smiled at Oksana’s question, instead walking up to her and kissing her gently in the mouth, putting one hand on the small of her back while the other took the clip out of her hair to let it fall out of its bun.

“I took all the money we had. And that wasn’t even enough, they made me sign a contract saying I’ll sell my plasma to them for the rest of my life.”

“ _ Eve. _ ”

“It wasn’t too much, there’s still plenty left over from the sell.” She placed a gentle kiss on her cheek before placing one on her soft shoulder. “I missed seeing you in this.” She admitted quietly before looking back in O’s eyes.

Eve missed  _ feeling _ her in this, in lace, in expensive fabrics. She admired the way that O carried herself the same way the fabric felt, regal, elegant, worthy of any and all attention, and Eve had plenty of time to give her all her attention. She was slow to drag her hands up to her shoulders, before gliding them back down and grabbing her hands and leading her to the bed where she sat first and then pulled O down to her lap. 

She couldn’t resist gently dragging her fingertips across the tops of Oksana’s soft, strong thighs, and watched as she her chest expanded with her shaky intake of breath. “Baby,” her voice was hoarse, and she wouldn’t lie if she was asked if she was a little turned on, “you’re so beautiful,” she breathed, resting her hands on her hips as O rested her hands on Eve’s shoulders, playing with whatever strands of hair she could reach.

“ _ Eve _ .”

Eve looked up to see how dilated O’s pupils were, how flushed she already looked. She wondered, just for a moment, how she would look on top of her, maybe under her, next to her when they would get the chance to get each other off. The last thought was what made Eve blush the most, and she smiled when O seemed to take notice of this. Her mouth was agape, her lips pink and plush. In reality, Eve treasured every kiss they shared, no matter how chaste and quick or how deep and slow. She loved the feeling of getting drunk off of O kissing her, or just the reassuring soft kisses before leaving for work in the evenings. 

“Can I kiss you?”

“Okay.”

Eve lifted her head up to meet her lips, quickly and carefully bringing her hands up to cup her cheeks gently, feel the warm and velvety softness of her skin. She moaned into her mouth when she felt fingers dig into her sides, and moaned again when O moaned in response. She smiled into the kiss when she felt O’s hips start to move. She didn’t stop her, she didn’t have the heart to, knew that maybe O needed another kind of release, one from deep within her core that hunting couldn’t satisfy all the way. 

_ Beep! Beep! Beep! _

“Oksana, baby, we’re going to have to stop.” 

“No.” Oksana whined, and Eve giggled when she kissed her face, her neck, trying to grip on to her sides. She pulled her hands off her love handles, and O was, thankfully, gracious enough to allow herself to get pushed off. 

“Why did we have to stop?” Eve heard her whine when she stop up and pulled her hair up.

“Dinner baby.” She replied, turning to kiss her quickly and turning again to leave the room. “Come eat!” She laughed when she heard O groan from the bedroom all the way to the dining room table, with the unmistakable drag of the couch blanket. 

“I think New York, yes? Go to Manhattan and live where all the big lights are?” 

Dinner was spent in relative silence, save for the occasional metal scraping against ceramic and the giggles that kept bubbling from her or O when they looked at each other to long. 

“Oksana. If you wanted to kill me, you could just throw me into the river. I promise I won’t try to swim!” Eve mocked her, and smiled wide and bright when O just laughed. 


	2. A Million Little Stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Untouched topics, apologies, reminiscing, compassion, and of course, moose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something a little short and sweet, just some domestic Villaneve for your nerves!

There were a lot of topics that Oksana kept off the table. 

During their struggle over, on nights where they were forced to stay put, when anxiety and pain kept Eve up and Eve being stressed kept Oksana up, they tried to talk things through.

She now had a list of things she knew not to ask. 

She’s half convinced that Eve remembers close to nothing about those nights, especially the ones where Oksana was sure she was going to call it quits, throw in the towel and holler and scream to get the attention of someone,  _ anyone _ , and bust them both. 

She’s more than convinced that that list is their current life saver, that that list of off topics was made their fragile reality a little more firm. 

She made sure not to bring past relationships, so as not to talk about Niko and Gemma and Aaron and Hugo and whatever other woman Eve had caught her with. She made sure not to talk about the police, but she did make sure to read up on Alaskan laws and made sure to stay up to date with each hunting season, though she never told Eve. She doesn’t bring up shepards pie, and she doesn’t bring up Eve’s cooking skills, even though it’s always really good. Carolyn and Konsantin are also always off the table, and as much as she missed messing with the old man, she figures it safest, for Eve’s sake, in case she breaks again. 

She keeps a lot of herself off the table, as well. 

She never mentions her boredom when off season’s hit, and she makes sure not to scream while indoors. She doesn’t complain about her clothes, and contends herself with the clothes Eve bought her, even if some of them are fitting a bit big, which is also something she’s shut up about. She doesn’t say anything about how she rests her hand over the scar Eve gave her while in the shower, and she doesn’t mention how she always tries to pinpoint where the mark she gave Eve may have gone. 

She’s stopped bringing up Europe in general, really. 

She isn’t stupid though. She knows she feels fine with not saying any of those things, most of the time she completely forgets that she made a legit list and all those things are on it. But she knows Eve, and as much as Eve is like her, there’s to many more ways than one in which Eve  _ isn’t _ like her, and knows that she’d need closure. She uprooted her life, left everything she had known for decades behind, to essentially live out the rest of her days in a barren wasteland. 

It was becoming harder to stay still, especially during the night, when usually she’d be the most active. Eve slept heavily throughout the night now, and it was easy to slip from under her loose grasp to head to the last bedroom, where they kept a few spare chairs, and sit and look out the window. All she saw were stars, and she had grown to like their twinkling, their relentless shine throughout the night. 

It comforted her that regardless of whether or not she lived, they’d always be there. 

She used to not mind the idea of dying. Sure, she'd miss out on all the incredible things she had yet to wear, but besides that was there really anything left? The only thing that bothered about her about death was the context of it; she'd hate to die in a slow way. Why die slowly when you can just  _ die _ ? It annoyed her when Raymond would choke her, he kept doing it to within an inch of her life and she didn't need that.

_ Eve  _ didn't need that. 

She minds dying, now. Minds the idea that when she dies and Eve is still alive than she'll have no one there for her. She would have to move back to Europe or worse, die frozen and alone in Alaska and get discovered by a couple who had lost their way and broke into the house because they were also junkies. She also minded getting choked, she has yet to have any good memories, but it isn't like she has much to worry about in those terms. 

She wonders, all the time, when she's out hunting and nothing is moving except the wind, what Eve regrets. 

The chair creeks as she moves from sitting with her right leg under her to sitting with her left leg under her and she scolds it lightly.

She doesn't know what she regrets. She knows what it's supposed to feel like, but she doesn't know as to what she's supposed to feel it with. Maybe, she's supposed to regret  _ everything _ . 

Or maybe not. 

Regret, she once read, is supposed to be disappointment over something that has happened. She  _ gets  _ disappointment. So, in theory, she regrets yelling at Eve. And she regrets telling her those few times that she wasn't done hunting when in fact she had and just didn't want to go inside yet. She regrets hurting her, regrets causing her so much stress, regrets…

Regrets were stupid, and pathetic, and as she sat up straight, she quickly remembered why she didn't bother with thinking about them.

She sighs, discontent with herself, with her thoughts of the evening, and puts her head in her hand. In their bedroom, she hears Eve cough softly and gets up to head back to bed, cradles her in her arms and sings to her softly before falling asleep herself. 

In the morning, when she wakes up and sees the snow falling heavily, the only thing that surprises her is Eve up and out of bed. Usually, she's one to cuddle and stay in late, but she wakes to smell of pancakes and the faint sound of music. She, for the life of her, can't remember when they got a radio nor where it's stored, but that doesn't matter when she picks up the sound of Eve singing along. 

She breathed in deep, finding those hidden notes of wood that came with the empty home. Now it smelled more like Eve, of her lavender products that she used for everything, of her warmth and normalcy, of her kindness and caring, of her smile and laugh, of her sweat and tears, of just everything  _ her _ . It smelled  _ right. _ She stretched, moaning gently as her muscles pulled and twisted and woke up with every turn and tug. She rolled around in the bed, twisting the sheets as she did so, her nipples brushing against the fabric of her shirt and hardening with the friction. 

"Hmph," she laughed gently to herself, "not today." Her voice still needed time to wake up, and she didn't mind. She rolled around some more before getting up on her side of the bed and walking into the en suite bath for a quick shower, changing into a large and soft baby pink jumper and matching boy shorts and heading downstairs, her ponytail high on top of her head. 

When she got downstairs, the music was loud, the static crackling due to how old the radio was. She stood at the open doorway of the kitchen, watching silently as Eve wiggled her hips with the music while her lyrics were off as she washed the dishes. She smiled at how fucking  _ cute _ she was, and truly, how lucky she got. 

Eve had on grey sweatpants with some stains that couldn’t be beaten with a rock on the back. The elastic was broken, but Eve had filled out a little, so it rested on her tummy or on her hips. She had on her blue jumper that was now nice and clean. Her hair was poofy and messy, curls awry without care, and Oksana couldn’t think of a better idea than to hold Eve close to her chest. 

“And I-O! Oh my god!” Eve yelled than laughed, her wet hands dripping all over the cream tiles of the floor. “Good morning!” 

Oksana smiled, leaning to her other side so she could stretch across the counter and above the still warm stove to turn the dial down. “Good morning, Eve. Good day today?” She moved to perch herself upon the counter and watch as Eve floated around the kitchen. When Eve moved, she focused on the spot where her phone had rested for two days straight after she yelled at her last week.

Where did it go?

“Yeah.  _ Really _ good day.” Eve hummed. 

She was in her element in the kitchen. It was the only room in the house that came with the appearance that it had treated with genuine care. It was spacious, wide enough so that the two of them never  _ had _ to bump into each other when they were both in there. There were cabinets everywhere, all wood, all varnished accordingly. They had a stainless steel microwave above the stove which also had a light and a fan under it. There were windows above the sink across from the sink where they kept the blinds closed while the sun was out. The counters were spacious, but in total, they didn’t need all the space the kitchen provided. Between them, they shared maybe six plates, an equal amount of glass cups, and ten forks, ten spoons, and ten knives, and two sharp knives that Oksana hadn’t touched since Eve bought them.

Not that she didn’t want to, but she still had her own knives, so really, she had no  _ need _ to.

“Oh, sexy dreams without me?” She mused, still watching as Eve plated their food. For Oksana, she got the big white plate with a pink band around it, with one big pancake, a lot of butter, and syrup surrounding it.  _ Lots _ of syrup. 

“Ha! No, it was just, a really good  _ rest _ , you know?” 

Oksana hummed in reply.

Eve had three pancakes on her all baby blue plate, having had smeared butter in between the layers, with a little syrup dripping down some of the sides. 

“Eve did you-”

“Yes O, I remembered the sprinkles in yours. Now lets go eat.” Oksana smiled brightly and led the way to the table, while Eve carried the plates. She laughed loudly when she didn’t budge from her spot and Eve had to go back for their utensils.

Oksana takes her time eating, which doesn’t startle or worry Eve at all, it’s just what they’ve both grown used to. She always insists she’s fine, she’s as hard as rock, she’s capable of taking care of them both without issue, but deep down, they both know that there is some fault to all those statements and sentiments. Eve is halfway done with her short stack, and Oksana is nearly filled to the brim with pancake and syrup when she clears her throat and puts her utensils down. 

“Eve-” she breathes shakily before clearing her throat again. “-Eve I need to apologize.”

“For what?” Eve asks, her mouth stuffed.

“I shouldn’t have yelled at you-”

“No-”

“Yes. I was wrong-”

“No O,  _ I _ was wrong-”

“Eve stop, please. I was wrong to yell at you. You missed them and I was to stuck in my head to see that. They’re still your friends, and you’re supposed to have friends. I really am sorry.”

Eve smiled, putting her knife to grab hold of Oksana’s hand “I forgave you already, Oksana.”

Oksana smiled warmly, and stood up to clear her dishes. 

By the time she was done cleaning, Eve had finished from her own breakfast and Oksana made her a strong cup of coffee. She made herself a weaker one; she wanted to taste it, but she didn’t want to feel the effects of it like Eve. She set Eve’s cup down in front of her, kissing her on the forehead and cleared her dishes for her. Afterwards she curled up on the couch with her cup in hand, looking into the lit fireplace. 

“You know,” Eve started when she sat at the other end of the couch, tucking her feet under her like Oksana was doing, “I don’t think Niko’s ever apologized like that in some time. But I like it when you say it, cause you mean it.”

Oksana stayed frozen in place, watching Eve as she tussled with her hair. She’d get the hair brush for her, they both knew she needed it, but her thoughts kept her glued to where she was. Did Eve think about Niko often? When? Was it because she had to spend so much time alone? Was it because she missed him that much?

“O?”

“You still think about him?” She heard herself ask. She shouldn’t, she knows, she should leave well enough alone, but in all fairness,  _ Eve _ had brought it up first.

“Well, yeah.” Eve answered, one of her hands still deep in her hair before slowly lowering when Oksana said nothing in response, not even daring to move a muscle. “I was married to him for a long time, Oksana.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means.” She sighed, lowering her gaze to her hands, watching them instead of her. “It means that certain things remind me of him. Some songs remind me of us dancing in our living room. Certain smells remind me of him. Certain customers remind me of him. I’m sure if we drank wine than certain blends would remind me of when we would share bottles and try to destress.

"I’m not saying I’m not happy I left him, especially since he left  _ me _ for  _ Gemma _ ,” she scoffed then, and Oksana continued to watch her, her breathing shallow and slow so as to not miss anything she had to say, “but. There’s no logical way to not think of him when I spent so much time with him, when I invested so much into him, when I shared so much of my life with him.” 

“Oh.” Was all Oksana could say. 

She guessed she got it. When she first steps out into the wilderness with the hefty second hand jacket, she gets reminded of Konstanin, of how he always smelled faintly of the cold, of kerosene, and of cigarettes and girls perfume all the time. When she crossed paths with older hunters, she always swore one of them  _ was _ Konstatin, what with the beard and stature. And if Eve would make a move to buy a sausage every once a while, than maybe she’d be reminded of cooking him up lunch during his afternoon visits. 

“I get it.”

“You do?” 

Oksana shook her head, and put an understanding look on her face so Eve's could look less surprised. She may have been a bit abnormal, but she was still learning with each passing day how to be a little bit more normal, even if it was a little bit more boring. 

Naps weren’t really her thing when she lived overseas, but with nothing much to do but sit and wait and make sure Eve didn’t lose her shit at the drop of a hat, they had  _ become _ more of her thing. 

Not that she minded. 

It was easy to just stretch out across the couch when Eve decided it was time to...do...something, and just let her eyes lazily latch onto the ever changing flickers of the fire burning before her. That, and the soothing warmth, carried her straight to a cozy snooze effectively. 

_ She was in a forest, looking around. Someone was nearby, someone familiar, yet unsafe.  _

_ She knew she had to do something, but she wasn’t sure what. _

_ Where was Eve? _

_ Eve. _

_ Where had she gone? Was she taken? Who had taken her?  _

_ Where would she be without her? _

“ _ Oksana.  _ Oksana. ” Eve’s voice pierced through her confusing dream, and she woke up to feel her hair sticking to her face and her shirt sticking to her body.

“Eve.” She breathed, comforted to know they were still at home, they were still safe, and Eve was still by her side, even if she was panicking. 

“Where’s your gun?”

“What?”

“Where’s your  _ gun _ , Oksana?”

“Fucking hell. My gun? Why do you need  _ that _ ?” She wished she was still sleeping.

Eve rolled her eyes, straightened herself up from where she was bent over the couch from shaking her awake. “To admire it, Oksana, why else?”

“Well I don’t know, Eve, you get weirder by the day.” Eve took complete offense to that statement and Oksana smiled smugly. 

“Oksana this isn’t funny. There’s a moose out front.”

“What?” 

When Oksana wrapped the blanket around her shoulders and padded to the snow covered front porch with Eve trailing behind her, sure enough there was a moose a few feet by the cars, and he wasn’t alone. 

“Eve.”

“What?”

“I am not going to shoot moose because he is having a walk with his family.”

“ _ What? _ ”

Oksana watched as the big moose was joined by a slightly smaller moose and they turned to where a baby moose clumsily waltzed out from the forest. She smiled when they let the baby walk ahead of them and they followed behind, all three paying no attention to the blanket wrapped woman and her lady who was silently spazzing out behind her. When they continued up the driveway and out of her view, Oksana turned and headed back into the house, calling out for Eve to join her. 

“You’re unbelievable.” Eve grumbled a while later. They had left the blanket, their socks and Eve’s pants to dry by the fire. Oksana wanted to lay down in bed. 

“No. I am compassionate.” She decided for herself. 

Eve huffed and Oksana shrugged before heading up to bed. 

In bed, some hours later, Eve kept tossing and turning, mumbling, muttering and huffing to herself. Oksana watched her throughout, still laying on her side, wondering what it was that had Eve so bothered that the sleep enthusiastic woman wasn’t  _ sleeping. _

“Eve?”

Eve flopped on her back, a loud sigh filling the room. 

“Yes?” 

“Do you want to? Cuddle?” 

Eve turned her head to look at her, chuckling before settling down on her side to keep looking at her. 

“Seriously?”

“You can’t sleep.”

“Yeah.” She sighed. “Yeah, sure okay.” She agreed, and Oksana lifted the covers some and she went on her so it would be easier for Eve to curl into her in the way that she found Eve on her some mornings. Eve did, her head on her chest, her leg in between hers, and a hand settled on her stomach. Oksana immediately ran her hand through her hair while she held onto Eve, her fingers lightly scratching her back. 

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“Lie.”

“How would you know?”

“That’s very mean Eve, I know a lot of things.”

Eve sighed and grumbled something under her breath.

“What?”

“I said  _ moo _ .”

“Moo? Like cow?” Oksana tucked her chin in to look at Eve, confused, “Eve that doesn’t make sense. Why are  _ cows _ making you upset-”

“I said  _ moose _ ! I’m upset about the moose- hey!” Eve shouted when Oksana sat up, now  _ really _ confused, and a little annoyed. 

“Eve.”

“What?” Eve said sharply as she sat up too. It was dark, but they were looking at each other’s silhouettes. Oksana wondered if she was angry. 

“Are you upset I did not kill the moose? They were being gentle!”

“They’re to big!-

“ _ what. _ ”

“-They’re really terrifying, Oksana.” Eve whined, her breath coming out forcefully while Oksana was trying to process what was going on.

She had been using one hand behind her to support her, but she sat up straighter so she could grab Eve’s hand. She squeezed it, once, twice, before tugging Eve back down so she could hold her the way she had been doing before. She waited until Eve relaxed against her, breathing evenly and steadily. 

“Eve?”

“Hmm?” She was sleepy, and Oksana felt a smile tug at the lips. She kissed the top of her head.

“I’ll always protect you, okay? I love you.”

She knew Eve accepted that when Eve lazily pressed a kiss against the breast she was laying on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking around for another chapter!!!


	3. Eve Polastri's Sexy Guide On How to Derail a Conversation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eve figured she could start talking about the complex emotions she's kept in her mind for ages, OR she could just start having a mini sex marathon instead

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mkay so here's the smut I promise so fair warning!
> 
> Fair warning: sex scene up ahead

Eve remembers so much. 

She remembers everything, really.

She knows she does, but she knows that everything is a tangled web, the timelines of all events mixed and garbled, emotions crossed and days flowed together in one continuous line. 

It’s up to her to fix it, but that is something she does not know how to do. 

She treasures the time O stays with her, when she can have her in her arms, and ignore the mess of webs that had become her mind. 

It’s been two weeks since O had stayed home, and she could tell that she wasn’t handling it all to well. It was in the way she looked everytime Eve left for her job, how she hated to be left alone all those hours with nothing but the shopping channels on TV and her own thoughts. She keeps finding band aid wrappers in the garbage, one of the sharp knives have gone missing, and as much as O stays near naked in the house, she can’t find where she keeps bleeding from. 

She also knows she doesn’t sleep the complete night, having woken up during the middle of the night to find her gone, even though they head to bed at around the same time; she stays up for minutes on end, listening to see where she might have gone, and never hears anything. In the mornings, when she wakes and O is sound asleep, finally, limbs heavy on top of her, she listens to her breathing, how heavy and consistent it is. It’s only then that her age strikes her; it’s easy to ignore, especially in the way that she had handled all the moving affairs, it was as if Eve was the young one, inexperienced at life while O was the wise old owl who knew that there was no situation she couldn’t get them out of. 

Reality had a way of sinking in at night, as if it lingered above her along with the blanket of darkness they were under. 

They had went to bed early, and after showering and slipping under the covers, they laid there and looked up at the ceiling. Eve wasn’t tired, and O wasn’t either. Their breathing wasn’t heavy and deep, and they both knew the other was awake along side them. 

Eve was the first to break.

“Do you miss it?”

“What?”

“Killing people. Do you miss it? Do you miss killing people?”

O didn’t move in anyway, and they weren’t holding hands so Eve didn’t know if she was tense. She knew she was thinking though.

“Yes.”

“Is hunting enough for you?”

“Sometimes.” 

Eve knew that for Oksana, lying was always predisposed, that it was harder for her to understand the need to tell the truth. It was just the two of them, and she always had that little voice nagging her in the back of her head, asking in its creepy wailing voice if she could trust O, if O was telling the truth, if she was being lied to, manipulated to be O’s forever mouse in a new and twisted game of chase. 

She had no other choice but to trust O, really. 

“Eve why do you ask?” 

Eve turned to her then, waited until Oksana turned to face her as well, and placed a hand on Oksana’s cheek, still soft and full. 

Attraction was always a tricky thing for Eve, for her to handle, for her to figure out. Was she attracted to this person because she was  _ told _ to be, was she attracted because she was bored, was it because she had hit a dry spell of attention and this one person noticed her in a sea of thousands? Millions? Dating wasn’t hard per se, she found herself going on lots of dates with all kinds of men, but always found herself not  _ attracted _ to them, and decided that they weren't attracted to her either, so why bother. 

Niko wasn’t attractive, but he ground her, was her home to come too, along with dinner, a glass of wine, and a shoulder to use when all her tangled thoughts and emotions made her cry to no end. 

Oksana was…

Well first, she was a woman, so that obviousness was always out of the way and in. She never dated women, but found herself  _ fascinated  _ by them to no end. She can’t recall the endless hours she would spend thinking about them, about their hair, and their skin, and the way they walked, talked and moved through life, through their place in society. They were beautiful creatures, and it, at times, dumbfounded her that she was one of them.

Oksana was one of the first people, first woman she was attracted to wholeheartedly, and she really did appreciate nearly all parts of her. 

“Can I kiss you?”

“Of course.”

Kissing Oksana always felt like an honor, almost as if it were a reward for fucking up her entire life. She always felt soft, those lips on hers, and when she dared ventured to kiss beyond that, kissed her cheeks, her jaw, those little spots behind her ears, her neck, she breathed in every gasp O did and felt it bury itself within her soul, replacing  _ everything _ . It replaced her state of mind, her memories of kissing Niko for so long, her well being, her stability, her way of life, her certainty of what her life meant. 

She pushed, lightly, against O’s shoulder, and O was quick to roll on her back so Eve can get on top, settle on her hips and kiss her neck and tease her nipples.

“ _ Eve _ .” Oksana breathed beneath her, and Eve stopped to take a shuddering breath of her own, feeling herself calming as her senses grew overwhelmed. She sat up properly then, pressing her hands down on O’s ribs, just under her breasts. 

“Turn on the light.” 

“Okay.” 

O reached to Eve’s bedside table to flick on the lamp. It wasn’t powerful like their overhead light, but it provided enough light for her to see the woman beneath her. 

Sometimes O went to bed naked, but mostly, she slept in her panties and a shirt. Tonight’s shirt was one that Eve had originally bought for herself, a mens extra large salmon colored long sleeve that O was absolutely swimming in. She looked cute, really, with her hair around her head like some kind of halo, her pink hands resting on Eve’s flannel covered thighs. Her eyes were wide, beautiful, warm and exploring, waiting to see what Eve would do. It took Eve time to remember that she was once a wanted criminal, a female assassin for hire. They’ve been in this position so many times without incident, but Eve could still see O worried if  _ this _ time she’d get stabbed again. 

“You aren’t going to  _ stab _ me again, are you?” Oksana broke the silence cheekily and Eve gave her own “ _ Oksana. _ ” with a annoyed sigh. 

She laughed, giggles that were so cute it overwhelmed Eve a little. It wasn’t like she didn’t hear when O laughed, she just didn’t get to hear it as much as she liked. It was something sweet, something that you couldn’t help but to have on repeat in your mind at all hours of the day and night. Her giggles subsided, and she tilted her head a little to the side, her small smile still on her face. 

Eve’s fingers twitched. 

She swallowed, hard, the sound bouncing off the bare walls before she asked,  _ squeaked _ , really, if she could see under O’s shirt. 

O pushed Eve off her, laughing when Eve let an  _ oof _ push through her lips, and scrambled out of bed. Her feet, bare Eve noticed, hit the carpeted floor at the foot of the bed, and not even ten seconds later, the shirt landed beside her in a thud. 

“Oh.” Was all Eve could really say when she saw O stand there, proud as she could ever be. 

Eve was slow to clamber out of their bed, making her way to stand a little away from the woman in front of her. She’s seen her naked plenty of times, but Eve wasn’t  _ there _ just yet to push herself to think of doing anything further than just look. 

Her hands balled up and unfurled again quickly. 

“What?” O asked, but Eve was far to awestruck to say, or do anything. “I thought it’d be easier for you to look.” She shrugged, a little smile tugging at the corner of her lips.

Her eyes started at her face, at her slight blush that she chalked up to it being a bit brisk in the room. She visually traveled, slowly, further down, at her neck, at her pronounced collarbones, waiting to be littered with love bites along with her breasts, soft, plentiful and inviting. Her fingers ached to touch them, to feel them warm and pliable under her palms, to have her pink nipples harden further, first with her fingers and then with her mouth. 

Her hands ultimately did move, to touch the faint little scars that were on her ribs, some small, some a little long on the plain of her stomach, and one that started at the bottom of her ribs and ended at the top of her hip. 

“Boredom?” Eve asked, still tracing it lightly with daft fingers. 

“ _ Yeah _ .” Oksana breathed, and Eve smiled slightly at her lose of composure. 

Her hands were playing with the hem of her black cotton panties, and she looked up at O to see if it was okay. 

O took them off herself.

“Can I? You know, if I can? Uh-” It was a lot harder actually  _ saying _ the words, and Eve took a few moments to try again. “What I’m um trying to um say is-  _ fucking hell. _ ” She groaned, rubbing her hand across her face before leaving it on her mouth.

“Eve?”

“Hmm?”

“Do you want to touch my pussy?” 

Eve blushed furiously, her eyes downcast. She lost a little resolve, and was glad at Oksana’s straightforwardness to lead her to nod her head. 

Oksansa took her hand, bringing it up to her lips and kissing each knuckle, softly and individually, as if each one was super special. Eve had worn a thick black sweatshirt and some black and red flannel bottoms to bed, and she wordlessly let O take both off, while she stood with red boy shorts on. They were probably Oksana’s at some point. She let O lead them back in bed, where she gathered the pillows and rested against them, and made Eve sit next to her. 

She had no idea how this could end up.

“Eve, you have to kiss me.”

“What?”

O rolled her eyes, climbing on top of Eve, taking her hands and putting them on her hips, while her hands went to Eve’s hair. She leaned down slowly, giving Eve space to back out, Eve guessed, and there was no part of her that wanted to when she tilted her head to meet her halfway, capturing her lips in hers. 

Oksana’s hands dug in more firmly in her head as Eve tugged her closer to her body, her hands gripping her bare back, as if she didn’t want to let go. Kisses trailed from her lips, down her neck, until O pushed her back against the pillows, forcing Eve to let go. O sat up and Eve let her hands move from her back to softly cup Oksana’s breasts, barely containing a sigh at how soft they were. O’s hand lightly gripped Eve’s biceps, and a moment later, Eve lightly squeezed her breasts before she carefully rubbed her nipples in between her fingers. 

“Is that okay?”

“You can go rougher, I don’t mind.” O whispered, and when Eve applied more pressure, she felt O’s groan deep within. 

“Can I?” She asked as she sat up a bit, and O nodded her head. Eve lowered her hand to grip her ribs, on the side where she saw the healed wound she left, while the other hand stayed on her boob, holding it gently as she brought her mouth to her nipple, sucking carefully before licking it one, two, three times and sucking gently again. 

“Rougher, Eve, please.”

Oksana felt Eve’s teeth graze against her nipple, and she groaned, pushing her chest out further, muttering a soft  _ there _ that she knew Eve heard when her teeth scraped against her nipple again before closing down, biting, as she kept swiping her tongue against the now sensitive tip. She ground her hips down, trying to find some friction, spreading her wetness across the top of Eve’s underwear she needed desperately off. It was far from erotic, what they were doing at the moment, Oksana could recount the amount of times she’s done more kinky shit and this wasn’t even in the top fifty.

And yet.

It strangely was, and it was the way that they were close, that they weren’t two strangers clashing into the night, fake names being said and even faker moans –from her at least- being used. It was the way that even when Eve kept clamping down on her nipple, she still trembled slightly as she held her, firm, close, protectively. It was the way that they were in their own home, with nothing to stop them except maybe Eve’s exhaustion.

It was the way that she could very easily see herself doing this with Eve again and again and again and it didn’t  _ bore _ her.

“Eve,” she rasped, “ _ touch me. _ ”

She was patient as Eve moved to cup her before pressing a tentative finger to her clit. She jerked forward slightly, a high noise leaving her at the feeling of it all, of how hard she was and how gentle Eve was handling her. Eve didn’t move much, doing more exploratory touches than real ones, and Oksana snaked a hand down, pressing it against Eve’s so she could have a steady base to rock on. Eve took charge fairly quickly afterwards, and with few grunts and maneuvers, Oksana was under her, watching as Eve gazed at her pussy that she knew was slick with her juices, and only continuing to make more as Eve looked on. She looked  _ hungry, _ as if she hadn’t eaten decent food in ages and she’d been thrust into a room with a feast fit for an army with only a fork, knife, and a bib. Eve was gripping her ankles,  _ tight _ , and Oksana wondered if it was a tight enough grip to bruise, if anything they did tonight would leave her with any bruises that’d take days to fade. She had a silent hope that maybe she’d get another wound that’d never leave, but baby steps.

“Eve?” She whispered, and she heard it then, how labored their breaths had become. It was a battle of some sorts, maybe of wits, maybe of who had the upper hand.

Eve didn’t respond, but gave one curt look at Oksana’s face before lowering herself flat on her stomach so she could be level with her pussy after letting go if her ankles. She traced her inner lips, and Oksana fought to not buck her hips for more, didn’t want to scare Eve out of whatever trance she was in and-

_ A sharp inhale, _ “oh-”.

Eve never tasted vagina before, and of course she tasted herself, but she didn’t count, and it was at that moment, when she let her tongue trace where her finger had been, from O’s hole to her clit, it was then that she realized that all those ‘poems’ about it  _ weren’t _ dramatizations. Some of them didn’t even do justice. She licked and licked and licked before she sucked in, alternating between lightly using her teeth and swirling her tongue. She tasted  _ right _ . She tasted of promise, promise of everything wrong and everything right. She tasted of comfortable warmth, of curling up in a blanket when the house was a few degrees to chilly. She tasted like clarity, like promiscuity, like secrets, like truths, like languid kisses in the morning and rushed kisses in the evening and like welcome home kisses, like  _ Oksana, Oksana, Oksana. _

There was no rhythm like she knew there had to be, she just wanted to  _ feel, _ to  _ taste _ , and to Oksana, it wasn’t like having a rhythm was all that important when she arched deeper into her, when her hands gripped tight to Eve’s roots until they ached and then gripped  _ tighter _ , when her feet clasped behind her back and locked her down, when she chanted her name repeatedly until she  _ screamed _ .

They panted in unison while Eve mentally chastised herself.

Oksana pulled her up, and before she knew it, she was being kissed while her juices were still stuck to at least half her face. Oksana rolled them over, straddled one thigh, and kissed her quickly before pining her wrists down and hump her thigh. Eve wanted to touch,  _ she _ wanted her fingers ridden, maybe even her face like she had seen in some pornos, but it was almost satanic the way O stared deep into her, panting while she humped.

“Oksana-” she tried to plead, but was cut off when her wrist was let go and Oksana’s hand simply rested on her mouth, quieting her.

_ Well that isn’t very effective, _ she immediately thought, and brought O’s hand down further, to wrap around her neck, and Oksana came when Eve made her grip her neck harder.

Oksana flopped down next to her, and Eve turned to her side, keeping a hand on the mark she had put on her, watching her chest as she, with effort, tried to breathe.

“Oh Eve,” she laughed a little while later, “I hope you’re ready for more.”

“With you? I’m ready for everything.”

They sealed it with a kiss as Oksana crushed her lungs with her body weight. 

-

Eve went to sleep minutes after Oksana did, feeling spent and used and sticky and dirty and yet so fucking  _ content _ . She watched, with the sun behind her, as Oksana slept, the morning glow highlighting te frizzy hairs and creating a faint halo and she quietly snored away, the way she snored after having been out all day and working diligently in the basement all night and finally dragging her body to bed as Eve was waking up to start her mundane day. 

She touched her cheek, and it brought her back to the conversation she had shifted the evening before, asking if she was fulfilled with her new life. She knew there were things that they didn’t talk about, topics they deliberately and shamelessly danced around, whether it be for O’s benefit or hers or both, she wasn’t sure, but she knew they were there.

The thing is, she  _ wanted _ to talk about those things, about the messy year they had after Eve had stabbed her, but she knew what that would mean; it mean they both knew and were aware that the foundation of their life is the result of crashing into each others worlds, and destroying the only things that kept them to their past lives. 

Her mind whirred alive with what that also meant, admitting the tragedies of their past lives. She knew Oksana felt things for her, and she felt things too,  _ deeply _ , their roots extending deeper within her still as the days ticked by. But it felt as if as the days continued to pass by, she wasn’t any closer to knowing what it meant. It wasn’t like how she felt when she was in love with Niko, it was different and yet the same but stronger. It had no name, yet, but it had a face so to speak, one that was all to familiar. 

Oksana stirred in her sleep, her eyebrows creasing in the middle, mumbling, and reaching for Eve, and she let herself be grabbed, Oksana’s arms wrapping around her and tightening, her face buried in her loose hair before she went back to sleep, and Eve followed moments later, knowing she was going to have to have some energy if she wanted to keep shoving her web of a mind into a quieter corner. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ch.4 is done and _ho boy_


	4. With Silence Comes Great Emotional Turmoil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Silence from the outside brought inside, bath time, reading time, working time, and when dreams turn to living nightmares

Oksana always loved silence. When it was pure, when the elements around her were still, she had a clear way of hearing for the one thing that was not, and it was always something she had set to kill. 

She appreciated living with Eve, it kept her steady knowing that Eve was with her, breathing, singing, shuffling from room to room, cursing after stubbing her toe or finger, dropping something, yelling for Oksana if they somehow weren’t in the same room, just  _ alive _ .

But when she was out, in woods dozens of miles away, sometimes teasing along the Canadian border -which she finds pleasure of sometimes have crossed and not get caught- she knew she thrived in staying still listening for whatever was unlucky enough for her ears to pick up. She adored when snow would rush down, blanketing whatever unnecessary sound along with the floor, and it was up to her to fetch the sound, kill the source. 

Eve was upstairs, surely worn to the bone over their past weekend. She kept replaying their nights, mornings, and afternoons in her head, behind her eyeballs, as if she had her own private cinema there with the best perverse movie known to man. The way the house, the earth, lied dormat, it caused her screams, moans, and groans to bounce out her head, across the walls, and all around her. She fought to not go inside and wake Eve so she could get her off again, taste her on her tongue, bruise her already tender inner thighs some more. 

The front porch isn’t really a comfortable or a comforting place, but it’s space to chill and think. She knows that as much as they are hidden from the rest of the town, they’re really in between two towns, she also knows that they are almost 10 kilometers out from the main road, and although its been almost a year, any day now anyone could wander by. 

Which is what someone did, apparently. 

She can’t tell much from the dozen or so footprints she found that morning, can’t say anything except that they had really good snow boots, the same kind she had, and maybe, if she was delirious, she’d be convinced that to get back at her for nearly losing her voice, Eve got up early to stomp in her snow boots and then rush back to bed. 

It’d be a plausible story if Eve was vindictive enough. 

But Eve wasn’t, at least not anymore. She was kind and caring and attentive to everything. Which is also why she had worked to clear the footprints out before Eve woke up.

She didn’t want her to worry, because she knew how it was for Oksana, for the both of them, to stay undiscovered. She told Eve it was until the dust calmed, or whatever the saying was, but she,  _ they _ , would never know when that would be. Some days, when she’s home, and Eve arrives late, she wonders if she’s been found and they’ve taken her and she’s next. She’d let them take her, because it would mean she’s either closer to being with Eve or closer to starting a life without Eve. 

Both thoughts sparked some form of bad emotion in her. 

She knew she’d have to think of a life without Eve, without her there to ground her, to help her understand all the feelings that still continue to show without warning. 

In the house, she listened, listened  _ hard _ , and heard nothing, and she allowed herself that breath she had taken from the outside. 

She was strong, she knew, and when Konstantin had found her,  _ rescued _ her, fixed her to be the best as she was meant to be, she became stronger. Eve was a pillar in her, uprooted in a spot she never knew was there, a weak spot that no amount of training can tear out of her, Eve and all. Losing her would make her loose her footing in the world, in herself, and she’d have to start anew. But no one would take her, run that risk when they already knew what could break her, and so she’d be terminated, one less lost assets whose name can be thrown to the wind with no meaning behind it anymore. 

Eve had to work that evening, and Oksana didn’t want her to go, not until she knew if those footprints were a deliberate sign or a mistake to fuck with her head. But she also knew she didn't want to tell Eve, or make her worry that anything was up, and she felt  _ stuck. _ She grunted in response, in the stupidity of it all, her blood starting to pound in her ears, on offset beat that could only grow in frequency before it was a warning that she had no more space in her to contain all that she  _ felt. _

She took her parka and boots off, staying in just her shorts and jumper, and took the stairs two at a time, switching to tip toe and get into bed, cradling Eve into her since she was still in a slight fetal position. 

_ God. _

The rhythm in her ears cooled until it was steadying to nothing, and all she could hear was the steady slight snore of the woman, _her_ _woman_ in her arms, warm and heavy and present. She was always so warm and soft, always smelling of lavender and coffee. Her adoration spilled out of her frequently at such intense waves, and as she breathed in the various scents now embedded in Eve’s wild dark curls, Oksana felt good knowing that she was there to just feel them all and not question any of it. 

Eve stirred, and Oksana shushed her, but it was futile, Eve was awaking, moaning and stretching in Oksana’s arms before she realized she was there and turned to bury herself in her chest. She inhaled deeply, breathing exercises Oksana soon noticed, and she was there, holding her close to her body, stroking her hair. 

“You’ve been outside. You smell of it.” Her voice was rough and grave, like she had been ill or had been screaming at a concert, but she liked the fact that her voice was like that because of her.

“To check with the moose. They send their regards.”

“Asshole.” 

Oksana chuckled before bending to kiss Eve. She didn’t get to far before Eve turned her head away from her. “Oksana, morning breath.” 

“It is okay, I didn’t brush my teeth yet.” 

Eve hummed and turned to kiss her, forcing her arms out from between the both of them and wrapping them instead around Oksana’s neck, pressing her firmly and close so she could kiss her deep, long and slow, just the way Eve liked kissing when sleep clung to her like a bad curse. 

When they pulled back, Oksana saw the blush that she knew was going to be there, and kissed her again, the way she knew Eve liked. She liked the way Eve’s hands tangled in her hair as they kept kissing, liked how Eve threw one leg over her hips to anchor her more, liked her soft moans and sighs. She kept kissing her and kissing her, allowing the new, but teeny, part of her brain tell her that if she kept kissing her, than Eve wouldn’t want to leave and Oksana wouldn’t have to face the fact they might’ve been found. 

“Oksana,” Eve breathed after moving away for the fifth time, “I need the bathroom and coffee.” 

“I will bring the coffee to you.”

“Really?”

“Yes.” 

Eve had pulled back, their arms now lay limply connected to each other, sagging in between their bodies as they watched each others eyes, browns searching greens, and Oksana let her, let her try to figure out that she was sincere in bringing Eve coffee. 

“Okay. Well in that case I’ll be in the bath.”

“Okay.” Oksana replied, leaving Eve there so she could get her her some coffee to enjoy in the bath. 

She took her time in the kitchen, listening as the pipes came alive in the house, delivering water for Eve’s bath. She could join her, get her worked up and slowly bring her to release, do it all day until she barely has any energy left to even call out of work. But she knew it wouldn’t work, Eve had made it clear the night before that she’d need at least a week’s worth of rest, and Oksana was going to respect that, albeit having to fight the idea that they may not have a week left. 

She kept staring at the window above the window, staring at the blackout curtain, as if she had x ray vision and could see what was out there,  _ who _ was out there, see if it was worth eliminating them. 

She’d have to go out today. 

She’d leave after Eve left for work, go into the woods, feel the snow, twigs, and whatever else crunch underneath her boots. She’d bring her gun with her, and although she probably won’t need it, it be really shitty to be discovered that she was eaten by some wolves or something. She’d stop by the creek in the middle of it, take in how despite the cold, it still runs, uninterrupted and steady, and refocus herself before she gets upset and their whole world crumbles.

-

Eve knew panic. 

She knew it in the various ways it clings, whether it be subtle, or a sheer overwhelming force that knocks you down to your knees, crumbling the mental foundation you’ve worked hard to build, she knew it. 

She also knew that O probably didn’t know what it was, but she knew it for her, and she could feel it surrounding them like the steam that filled the little bathroom as she sat in the tub, O sitting at the edge, holding her coffee for her. She should be relaxing, really, appreciating the ways that she could feel the slightly tense muscles unwind and relax, but all she could feel was how off kilter O was, staring at her thighs through the cloudy water. 

“Oksana?”

O hummed in response, and Eve waited for their eyes to meet, but it didn’t happen, and when she didn’t ask why she had been called, Eve knew that she’d lost her for a while. She took her coffee cup from her, holding it for herself, sipping it carefully as she watched on, afterwards handing O her cup and gently washing herself, be careful at all the bruises that had bloomed overnight. 

In the bathroom lighting, with O’s face angled just so, she  _ looked _ older than her age was, whatever it was. It was something they rarely talked about, but Eve thought of often, her age, how young she was. What would she be like if she was  _ normal _ ? She could see her being a good university student, having nice friends that she met up for drinks often and have job and flirt her way around the office. 

But would she be  _ bored _ ?

Her muscles were tightly wound, barely flinching, and O remained that way, lost deep in whatever cavernous world her mind had slipped into. 

It brings her back to those early days, some of the weakest points of her life. 

She remembers when they had first settled, and O would just  _ stop _ . She’d stay rotted in one spot, lost in herself, and Eve was so painful, she  _ needed _ her and O wasn’t available. It blew her mind that the woman with the plan was no longer telling her what came next, what they needed to do, wasn’t talking at all. She needed her to  _ move _ . 

It was like taking care of a comatose patient, expect this one could still move when guided to. 

She led O to eat, bits of days old crusted bread, led her to drink water, led her to the bathroom so she wouldn’t soil herself. She didn’t sleep, and neither did Eve, until her body collapsed and when she woke again, O was sound asleep next to her, and didn’t wake until the next morning, fresh as a bird. 

She lapsed every so often, never knowing where she went and for how long, and Eve still worried, even if O assured her to not to that because she was  _ fine _ and was always going to be fine as long as Eve stayed by her side. 

Eve didn’t like to think to hard about how long she had left to be ‘here’ anymore. 

After her bath, she left Oksana there while she toweled off and got dressed, sweatpants and leggings and a few shirts and sweatshirt in the meantime, and led O downstairs so she could get started on the day. She washed her mug, and O’s mug still half full with hot cocoa, and made herself some breakfast, eggs, over easy, bacon, extra crispy, and toast, a little caught on the edges, with healthy spreads of butter. She ate leisurely, peeking every so often over at the back of the couch where O was resting, and hummed along to a faded tune in her head. 

After breakfast, she took her time washing the pan, plate, cup and utensils before heading to the couch, placing O’s still legs across her lap so she could read. She had promised herself that she’d pick up reading once more during the weekend, even borrowing some cheesy romance novel from Noel the cashier to get started on. She had gotten a little  _ sidetracked _ , and since O was checked out from the world, she decided now was just as good of a time as any to pick up the book. 

She got to page 65 of  _ Dark Confessions  _ before she grew bored and peckish. 

She got up, and made her way to he kitchen, her bare feet lightly smacking the floor, and made herself some tea. She didn’t have cookies or snacks like that, because she knew that Oksana had a massive sweet tooth and would get addicted, probably, and well she’d just inhale them all at an unnecessary speed and would’ve been able to replace a fat turkey by the time Thanksgiving rolled around. She some toasted bread would do; bread, she had plenty of. 

15 pages later, and her belly full of warm bread and hot tea, and Eve grew bored enough to curl into the still dormant Oksana and nap before her shift started in some hours. 

She woke up sore, and got up again for the bathroom and returned to the kitchen to heat up one of those frozen dinners that you could simply steam in a bag. O hated them, but Eve loved the convenience they offered and the perceived notion of health. She ate slowly, and read even slower, until she full of food and sick of the book. 

She went back to the couch, returning O’s legs to her lap and turning the TV on, happy to see that they were playing cartoons she enjoyed as a kid.

It was during the middle of Jerry being chased that Oksana stirred,  _ violently _ , sitting up and looking at a startled Eve with curiosity. 

“Hey-”

“You’re not at work.”

Eve checked her watch, and sure enough, her shift started in five minutes. Mhm, she forgot to call in. “You were out, so I stayed until you were up.” 

Oksana looked at her, confused, like Eve had suddenly spoken in a language neither of them knew. “Eve, you have to go to work.”

Eve reached out to her, trying, and failing, to grasp her cheek in her hand. “Oks-”

“Eve. Please.”

“Is everything okay?”

“Yes Eve, but I do not want you getting fired for being absent. Please, go. I am okay, I promise.”

Eve knew she was lying, but it was the way that Oksana held her stare, softened it with her own and her voice, making it so they were really the only people in the world that Eve shoved that doubt out her head, nodded and got up to call her boss excusing her tardiness and to get ready. In twenty she was done, and Oksana walked her out the door with a lovely kiss goodbye and told her she had started up the car for her, warming it up for the drive. 

She didn’t comment on why it looked like Oksana had  _ stomped  _ in front of her car, illuminated by the headlights, but by the time she reached the general store, she reasoned, very comically, that it was just Oksana being silly and cute.

Tommi and Lee’s General Grocer was a nice shop, pretty roomy, and made enough to support the ten employee team. Lee was an Army general for most of his life before retiring here in Alaska with his reason for retiring, his wife Tommi and their adopted daughter Carly who had just began working the month before. Everyone knew their story, because they told anyone with a pulse and said it loud enough for everyone back home to be able to hear it crystal clear. 

It was a little gross. 

Cassandra Ming was a woman who came from Staten Island and moved to Europe to be with her own love of her life before her life became an unbearable chaotic mess that forced her to get an even more unbearable divorce and flee the country. She blew into Alaska because that was the last place her husband would look, and she knew that she was still weak enough that one look into his face, and she’d be on the next plane, ship, boat, back to Europe, never to be seen again. She lives peacefully out of town, chops wood to release her anger, and had a cat named Kitt that she rescued when it was rummaging in a fast food restaurant dumpster one night. 

It wasn’t all lies, obviously, but it was vague enough that if anyone searched for her, they’d get multiple hits, and dark enough to deter anyone from  _ actually _ doing it. 

It was nice working in the general store, she saw the same faces all the time, and everyone’s lives were so monotonous that they rarely spoke except for once every few nights to avoid repeating themselves. Tommi and Lee were away enough that they really got away with a bunch of rule breaking, but to be fair, some rules  _ were _ stupid, and therefore, they just  _ need _ to be broken. Carly got the gist of it within a week. When they did stop by though, it was easy to be in their breezy environment, staying in the back staff kitchen since she was the oldest of the team, and just listen to them gently go back and forth. It brought her back to the easier days of being with Niko, which always made her think of Oksana, and the fantasy she had in mind, of her being a soft restful woman, lying in bed in silk, drinking wine and waiting for Eve, and those thoughts always made her shifts better. She’d never tell O that, those were  _ her _ fantasies, and besides, it’d probably inflate Oksana’s ego back to it’s previously enormous levels. 

She sort of misses those days. 

Those times when Oksana knew she was wanted, and probably knew just how badly she was wanted, where and how and when and why she was wanted, and how close she continued to be in Eve’s space, nearly tipping her over every edge before laughing and dragging her back to square one so she could push and shove and kick her way back to dangerous territories. 

“Eve?”

Eve hummed, focusing her eyes back to see Lee looking at her. Lee’s a kind black man, tall, the tallest man Eve’s ever seen so far, and he stayed fit by running every morning and night. He had no more hair, and had a smile that lit up any room he walked into, commanding a room with his build before lighting it up in genuine kindness. Tommi, a Native American woman with thick jet black hair that reached her shoulders, was Eve’s height and very petite. But she was a force to be reckoned with if you didn’t know her well. Lee often commented how she had enough fight in her to fight a toddler and no shame in her body to do so. 

Eve liked Tommi the most.

“I was just asking you enjoyed the holiday season? We didn’t hear much from you.” Lee asked, his gaze on her soft and warm, with some worry.

“I did, Kitt was out for most of it doing who knows what, but whenever she decided to return home was always nice.” It wasn’t a  _ complete _ lie. She didn’t really enjoy it, she kept the television and radio off for most of it, and the days passed by without warning, and before she knew it, it was the fifth day of the new year and she was getting called back into work.  _ However _ , when Oksana was home,  _ that’s _ what made the days special again. 

“We worried about you, you know.” Tommi began, setting down a cup of hot chocolate in front of Eve before sitting across from her with her own cup. Eve knew it was spiked, she always got spiked hot chocolate, and she’d let it cool before drinking half and returning for the tail end of her shift. “I told Lee that maybe we should invite you over and spend the season with us. I hated thinking of you being by yourself. The holidays are a dangerous time to spend by yourself.”

_ Try dying. _ “I was fine, really! It was nice, in a weird kind of way.”

Tommi and Lee had  _ no idea _ what she was talking about, and carried away with sipping their drinks before they switched to a conversation abut maybe joining the local bingo group during the weekend. Eve drank down her cup as she watched carefully, before finishing her shift a little early, appreciating the warmth flowing through her core. 

-

Oksana didn’t go out. 

She had no energy to do so. 

After watching Eve leave, she felt spent, like she had to spend twelve hours with someones Nan and at the end of it all she didn’t even get the pleasure to kill someone. She knew Eve would worry, seeing that she hasn’t eaten anything all day, and was curled in bed in the dark, blankly staring out the window. 

_ Emotions _ ran through her, and she wanted Eve home, to sort them out for her because frankly, she was a bit tired of it all, of all the  _ feeling _ she’d experienced since the morning. There was nothing to comfort her, no plan of action, no what to do next, no emergency plan C, D, or E; it really was her and Eve in the middle of Northern Alaska, and now someone new. 

She heard the front door open and shut, heard when Eve called out for her. She didn’t call back, instead steadying her breath as she heard Eve flick on and off the lights, shuffle in between rooms, and finally make her way up the stairs, huffing a little when she entered the room and turned on the overhead light. 

“Hey.”

“You’re home early.”

“A little bit? Tommi and Lee gave me a hot toddy so I just called it in and came home.” Oksana hadn’t had one of those in probably  _ ages _ . “You didn’t eat today, did you?” Oksana let her silence be her answer. 

She expected Eve to sigh in  _ disappointment _ , to stomp out the room and she’d finally,  _ finally _ , hear her call up Elena and whine to her, tell her to track her phone and get her. At the very least, she expected her to yell or whine at  _ her _ , but what she  _ didn’t _ expect was to feel the bed dip as Eve sat behind her, placing one hand on her shoulder. 

“I don’t know where you go, when you’re stuck in your head, but it always looks like it takes a lot out of you. And, I don’t know where you went today, or why you looked like something was wrong, this morning. Oksana, I can’t ever  _ force _ you to say what’s bothering you, but I  _ can _ be here for you.” She said softly, as soft as a worn flannel shirt covering her after a cold shower. 

She didn’t realize she had tears running down her face until she had to sniff, and Eve tugged at her until she was sitting on her lap, her legs wrapped around her back and she sat in the middle of Eve’s criss crossed legs. It still felt foreign to cry, to have tears fall from her eyes and onto Eve’s shoulder, but Eve held her through her, not saying a word, but letting Oksana  _ feel _ . 

It felt  _ good _ , it felt  _ safe _ . 

She let herself cry, and let Eve give her a massage afterwards, starting at her neck and ending at her feet. They had given each other massages a few times before, slow and sure ones until they were boneless in bed, and this one was no different. Oksana liked Eve’s warm hands on her skin, pulling and pushing until she was ready to sleep, and was glad she didn’t have to wait long for Eve to be ready for bed. 

Her dreams usually meant nothing to her, and although she’s read dream books, she never bothered to connect them to any of  _ her _ dreams, as they were always about previous kills. The one she remembers vividly about dreaming about was that of Bill, but it was always Eve’s screams replacing the bone thumping music, and Bill’s blood flooding the dancefloor. There was no one else, but she could still feel the bodies moving around her, crowding her. 

Her dreams that night still meant nothing, but probably because it was just foolish. She and Eve were at a park, in a field, enjoying  _ hagelslag,  _ laughing and enjoying the breeze under their summer gowns. They walked off into the sun, Eve’s smile brighter than it, and Oksana could tell she was melting under the intense heat of it, being absorbed into the dirt, into the ground that supported the grass and the weeds and the poppies surrounding them. She was left in a pile of bones, and Eve walked away from them, walking into the sun by herself. 

The morning wasn’t so kind. 

She woke up in a cold sweat, her body alert before her mind, and she checked on Eve, calming slightly when she found her still fast asleep, snoring heavily with one arm thrown across her face. She guessed after not drinking so much, one hot toddy had that effect on her. But what caused her to wake? The time was still early, the sun was set to rise in a few minutes, so what was it? 

Oksana swung her legs over her side of the bed, groaning and rubbing her face in her hands. She was worn out and  _ tired _ , and she wished she had had a hot toddy as well, but she’d probably need five in order to be as dead to the world as Eve beside her. She wanted to go back to sleep, but she rose instead, picking up her now tattered silk robe and putting it on without tying it. Her hair went up as well, wrapping it in a tight coil upon her head before pinning it down and lightly padding out the room, kissing Eve gently in the lips beforehand. She had closed the door behind her, the lock giving off a soft click before she heard it, and the sound rung,  _ pounded _ inside her skull sourly. 

It was a definitive knock at their door. 

Oksana was quick and quiet in going into the second bedroom, where they kept her knives and a few guns, one being a vicious shotgun that they had gotten as more of a novelty than for actual use or protection. She loaded it as quietly as she could, and she put an extra two rounds in her pockets, or  _ tried _ to, if she had any  _ pockets. _

She tip toed past their bedroom and crept down the stairs, her eyes still focused on the door,  _ daring _ whoever it was to knock again. She’s lucky Eve didn’t wake from the first two times, but the third time she’d be forced to wake to the sound of gunshots in their home and a body on the other side of the door. 

She only noticed how sweaty her palm was when it touched the brass doorknob, having furiously unlocked the door and swung it open, panting heavily with her heartbeat vicious in her ears, and her heart is in her throat when she registers that the barrel of her gun is face to face with none other than Carolyn fucking Martens.

“Well, I expected a little more, but I suppose a shotgun makes sense.”

_ Fucking hell. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Carolyn, what a woman.  
> Ch.5 is done and. _Well._


	5. International Flights are Always a Figurative and Literal Pain in the Arse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Watching the _Golden Girls_ with impending doom and Carolyn, meeting Margie, Marco and Minnie, and there's nothing like 'I'm sorry' like sexing down your lady

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is rated E for _emotions_ and _explicit_ so beware (or have fun idk)!

Oksana had a weirdly founded deep sense of respect for Carolyn, even after she figured out what really happened back in Rome, and even after she had pushed the gun out her face and sauntered into their home, sitting down at the dining room table, she still had that deep rooted respect for her. 

She knew Eve wouldn’t feel the same way.

Carolyn looked cozy, coming in with a blue grey ushanka, a long coat that was over a navy blue blazer and clean white ribbed turtleneck shirt, black slacks tucked in her snow boots. 

“Is Eve up? I do need to speak to the both of you and I’d hate to waste my breath and repeat myself.”

Oksana listened a beat, her eyes disconnecting from Carolyn’s green ones. Eve wasn’t up yet.

“How long have you been here?” She asked instead, uncrossing her legs before crossing them in the opposite direction, clasping her hands and resting them on her knee under the table. 

“Got here day before last. Needed to see what was so appealing to this state before I got down here. I saw a polar bear, reindeer and moose. I had some smoked salmon. I can see why you two decided to settle.”

Oksana rolled her eyes. She wouldn’t settle in any place for  _ smoked fish _ .“So it was you who left the footprints?”

“Wouldn’t it be obvious? Do you have tea, by any chance? The coffee around here isn’t worth the trouble.” 

“The tea is in the cabinet above the kettle. The sugar is next to it and there is a mug in the sink.” 

“Right.” Carolyn nodded and went to the kitchen to help herself. Oksana audibly checked with Eve, relieved that she was still out cold. Hopefully.

“So tell me how exactly does this arrangement of yours work. Who domesticated whom?” Carolyn sat some time later, stirring the hot contents in her mug. 

“We aren’t a pack of wolves,  _ Carolyn _ -”

“Yes but the pair of you are ruthless killers.”

“Eve isn’t.”

“Raymond’s manner of death, compared to your previous kills, was ruthless. Messy. He suffered massively before he was able to die. It was the work of an amatuer.” 

“Eve isn’t a killer.” Oksana said in a low tone, leaning forward as Carolyn stayed put, relaxed in her chair, one hand clasped around the mug resting on the table.

“I’m afraid your words don’t hold bond, Villanelle.” Carolyn sipped and Oksana held her breath when she heard as Eve went to the bathroom, the pipes soon awakening and then Eve was making her way down the stairs, the air growing thicker with anticipation and tension. 

“Oksana you’re u- Carolyn.” Eve said slowly after her cheerful attempt at a morning greeting. She walked past her to stand behind Oksana, and she put her hand on her shoulder only to get it covered by one of Oksana’s. “How- what are you doing here?” 

“Oh good, you’re up. We’ve hit a bit of a snag. Back home. Do you want to sit here?”

“You tracked me through Elena’s phone didn’t you?” Eve asked quietly, her grip tightening, her hand trembling. Oksana wanted to soothe her, but she didn’t trust to have her back to Carolyn.

“Yes. There’s a terrorist network spreading throughout London and other European countries. We know who the head of the organization is and we know that when they are removed, the network collapses and there won’t be massive casualties.”

“I-you-we-what-no. No. There is  _ nothing _ for us there, Carolyn. The answer is ``no.” Eve stammered before being definite, her voice rising with each word.

“You’re right. Besides perhaps Elena and Kenny and their child, there  _ is _ nothing for you there. You’re more than welcome to decline-”

“We decline.” Oksana answered, but Carolyn kept on, as if no one had tried to talk over her.

“-but really how long do you still see yourselves staying here safely? You’re fugitives, by definition. And how long before the truck of those two murdered men get traced back to you? You’re both legal London and Russian citizens, respectively, and neither system take kindly to murderers.” Carolyn waited a bit, and Eve was chewing furiously at her lip, while Oksana was quietly fuming. “My presence alone was alert enough for the authorities here, so this place will definitely be in their radar-”

“So  _ what _ are you saying, Carolyn?” Oksana barked, staying put for Eve’s sake.

“You do this job for London. I make sure that the law doesn’t touch you before, during and after the deed is done.”

“And if we decline?” 

Carolyn was done with tea, and was slipping her coat back on, along with her hat and leaving a card with scribbles on it next to her mug. “Well-” she sighed, her hands deep in her pockets “-in 36 hours, you’ll be detained by Alaskan police. And in a week’s time, you’ll both be starting very long prison sentences.” She began buttoning her coat. “Eve, you don’t stand a chance leaving jail alive, I’m afraid your age doesn’t permit that. Villanelle you either, but only because no one leaves life sentences and I’m sure if the Twelve want to deal with you go it’s only to kill you.” Oksana’s jaw tightened and Eve’s breath grew shaking, not one woman saying a thing in between them.

“Right. Well. Enjoy the rest of your day.” Carolyn showed herself out the door. 

“I hate her.” Was the last thing Oksana heard Eve say before Eve crumbled to a heap on the floor behind her. 

Eve woke up some time later, her head on Oksana’s lap on the floor. Oksana wasn’t all to concerned about her getting to bad of an injury; sure her head was going to hurt, but in all fairness, she  _ did _ survive getting shot, so no need to worry. Eve didn’t say another word before she got up and stomped her way up to the room, slamming the door hashly behind her. 

“Okay.” Oksana sighed, now to no one at all. 

She moved from the floor to the kitchen, needy for a cheese toastie. 

It made sense, everything Carolyn said, they were living on borrowed time and Carolyn effectively had it cut short. They could run somewhere else, pack their bags tonight and head to the other coast, maybe stay somewhere in the midwest. “Oh. No more cheese.” She was deep in the near empty fridge, and she closed it “toast it is.” She mumbled. They didn’t even have any sprinkles. 

How long would it take for the chase to be deemed over?

Toast in hand, Oksana grabbed a cup of water and sat at the table, slowly chewing through her two slices. 

_ Do the job, get immunity. _ Did Carolyn even have that much power? 

She respected her, yes, and she knew of the different strings she pulled in Russia, of course, but she didn’t know how far her power reached. And who’s to say that Carolyn isn’t thinking of this as a way to eliminate the London threat  _ and  _ put her and Eve in jail? And yet, who’s to say her word is also bond, that Oksana can do the job, keep Eve in London with good pals, and at the end of it all, they could come back to America and actually  _ live _ .

Eve stomped down the stairs, her eyes puffy and pink, like the rest of her face, and she stomped around the living room until she stopped behind the chair opposite of Oksana, looking at her before she could see Eve’s anger slowly build.

“Eve…”

“You’re considering it! I know you are! You want to work for  _ Carolyn _ , don’t you!?” Eve’s knuckles turned white with the amount of pressure her hands had on the top of the chair, and Oksana slowly rose from hers, pushing her plate and glass and keeping her palms flat on the table.

“Eve. It makes sense, we wor-”

“ _ You _ !  _ You’ll _ be working for her! And me?” Eve slapped her hands on her chest before clutching the collar of her tank “where will I be? Locked in some shitty safe house somewhere, worrying about you day and night? And what if you get  _ killed _ , Oksana? What then? I-” Eve sank to her knees, sobbing, unable to gather enough air in her lungs. Oksana went down to her, trying to gather Eve up in her arms, but she was shoved away, and she chose to sit nearby, watching as Eve struggled to gather her bearings. 

It  _ was _ logical, Oksana goes away, does the job, gets granted immunity along with Eve and she collects her at the end and they get to choose when and how to live out the rest of their days. 

But that didn’t mean it was  _ fair _ .

Eve would be away from her, and she could already have an idea that Carolyn would prefer them to be separate, that each others location not be disclosed to the other. She’d be off getting to the top of the organization, and the victory at the end of the day would be Oksana getting to  _ a _ bed, alive. Maybe hurt, maybe not, but if she makes it alive than that’s all that matters. 

“Eve.” She tried again, looking at her, seeing how her knees were up to her chin, her head tucked in and her arms hugging her body. She was shaking, and Oksana decided that maybe keeping her hands to herself would be best. “I think I have to do this. For us.” 

“So you’ve decided?” 

“I don’t know.” 

Eve got up from the floor, her hair covering her face as she kept it downcast. “I’m going back to bed.” Oksana could only watch as she trudged away, before she herself got up. 

-

Bear Motel wasn’t a bad place to rest, especially if you knew you’d be staying a night or two. It had some  _ charm _ to it, Oksana supposed, the exterior was wooden, and it offered a beautiful view of the mountain chain miles and miles behind them. It was a half hour drive away from home, and Oksana hoped, the entire time, that she’d make it without having to pull over for police. 

No such incident occurred. 

Carolyn was in room 32, and when she phoned her earlier, Carolyn said she’d be in all day and to stop by whenever possible. When Oksana last checked with Eve, she was weeping silently into her pillow and ignoring her. She left her two sleeping pills and some water so she could get some real rest. 

She climbed the three floors, heading to the left to the second to last door and knocked, waiting for the burgundy painted door to open. When it did, she was greeted to a blast of warm air, and Carolyn in a luxurious full length white dressing gown, far to rich for motels. 

“Villanelle. Do come in. Just finished a shower.” 

Carolyn stepped back and Oksana went in the room, sitting on the edge of the made bed and picking the distinct scents of musk and mold in the motel, along with cigarette smoke and a subtle hint of cologne. She could appreciate it. 

Carolyn disappeared into the bathroom, and Oksana brought her feet up to sit on them on the bed, turning her attention to the TV. It was showing an older black woman crying while holding the face of another black woman, just a touch younger than her. They were crying freely, yes, but they had smiles on their faces. The young-ish woman had a sash on her, and was introducing a young black man, his sister, and the man’s wife, all speaking a language she didn’t know, but wanted to learn now. She learned the brother and sister were the children of the older black woman. She should show Eve this movie. 

“The Color Purple.” Carolyn said. She appeared from the bathroom, wearing black slacks and an olive green long sleeve shirt with a bit of a v cut on it. She had slippers on, and Oksana determined that that was her  _ house _ clothes. “Excellent movie. Snuck out of work to watch it in cinema’s when it came out. I do suggest you read the book before you watch the movie.”

“Did you?”

Carolyn watched her a moment after turning her attention from the television screen, the end credits scrolling down, an announcers drowning out the end credits song with an announcement of a movie coming up during the week,  _ Kill Bill _ . “No.” She said, moving to sit on the chair by the bathroom door, and Oksana turned her body to watch her. “Eve?”

“Resting.”

Carolyn hummed. “She’s not taking this well, is she?” Oksana watched her, noticed how her face didn’t change from its neutral expression. “If she's resting, why are you here?”

“What happens to Eve if I die?”

“Do you plan on dying?”

“No, but I can’t trust that whoever is in that organization will keep me alive.” _ For Eve’s sake. _

Carolyn nodded and watched the television for a moment. A theme song was playing, and the show  _ Golden Girls _ was starting. The girls were facing a dilemma as to what to do if Blanche sold the house and left them to their own. Eve liked that show.

“When Kenny was in primary, his father and I would fight a lot, he hated that I was working so much. Kenny, the poor lad, every week would threaten to leave us and go live in the woods.” She laughed, but it was humorless. “I knew he wouldn’t because well he hated walking for far to long and also because where would he go, honestly?” Oksana continued watching her. “Seeing your house brought back those memories of Kenny being silly. I always thought that’d be the kind of house I’d find him in.”

“What happens to Eve if I die?” 

“She gets her immunity, automatically. I arrange that she returns to her current residence and she never hears from any of us ever again.” 

Oksana nodded, and kept watching Carolyn even though she was paying no mind to her. 

“Where would Eve be? While I work?”

“ _ While you work, _ I like how you phrase that. Eve will have a flat, and easy access to Elena and Kenny’s home, they’ve already agreed to let her have visiting rights. She’ll have full protection in the meantime, along with full support.”

“Support?”

“She’ll have a bank card, a driver if she chooses to spend afternoons with Elena. An escort if she wants to go into the city, but I doubt she’ll want to do that.” 

“Why?”

“Why what?”

Oksana rolled her eyes, before letting out a slow breath and fixing her posture. “Why care so much about Eve? She betrayed you for me.”

“It’s quite simple, Villanelle. I need this job done, and I know you won’t do it unless Eve is cared for the way you think she deserves. Besides, before she was  _ rescued _ by you, I was there for her, even if it seems as though she’s forgotten that little tidbit of information.”

Oksana stood from the bed, tugging her jacket from where it bunched above her chest. “We have 30 hours to decide, yes?”

“I suggest you pack light, or don’t pack at all. International flights are a pain in the arse as is, it’s exacerbated when you have to many bags.” Carolyn turned to her then, and  _ she _ was the one being looked at carefully. “I’ll walk you out.” 

They walked, Carolyn behind Oksana, to her truck. The sun had gone down, and Oksana could already feel energy burst molecule by molecule in her bones. She’d need it, she already knew, because getting Eve to come around to head back to London wouldn’t be an easy feat. As much as Eve was soft for her, and her she, she knew that Eve could put up a heavy fight if she wanted to. 

At the truck, Oksana paused, looking as Carolyn made her way closer to her, stopping just a few inches from her face. “Eve is a fighter. She’s persistent. Tell her you took the job, and she’ll come along. Don’t be stupid in London, and she’ll have a reason to keep waking up. I need Villanelle for this job; I need ruthlessness, persistence, intelligence and professionalism. I need London  _ intact _ . Oksana can’t do that.”

Oksana squinted her eyes at the sound of her name coming out of Carolyn’s mouth. It was pronounced correctly, but it was said wrong. And that’s when she realized that Eve had made that name  _ hers _ , had taken Villanelle away from Oksana and cared for, nurtured, and loved Oksana, showing her what normal was like. Villanelle could do the job, there was no doubt in anyone’s mind, but she wasn’t needed for the longest time,  _ Eve _ didn’t need her, so she was tucked in bed somewhere aways away. But now it was Oksana’s time to rest, even if it wasn’t what she wanted. 

“Book the flight for tomorrow morning.”

“Get Eve some flowers.” Their breaths came out in puffs, and Carolyn’s hands were deep in her pockets while Oksanas were crossed in front of her chest. 

“What?”

“They’re never in season, so they’re hard to come by. There’s a shop a few kilometers out that’ll have some. Get her a good bunch, it’s a good apology gift for upsetting her this morning.” With one final tight smile and nod of her head, Carolyn turned on her heel and headed back to her room. 

Very well then. 

Oksana scuffed then smiled as she put the truck in park upon stopping in front of  _ Margie’s Marigold’s _ , a quaint little shop where the fogged up windows were painted in colorful little elephants, bugs and flowers. 

Inside, at the front of it, were tiered stands with little palm sized plushies and cards of various colors in plastic sleeves. A puppy greeted her, followed by an old dog, both were golden retrievers, or  _ goldies  _ as Eve always affectionately called them. 

“Marco! Minnie!” A melodious voice called out, followed by the sound of table legs being whacked with something thin. “Hello?” 

“Uh, hi?”

“Oh hello!” From behind a light pink silk curtain in the middle of the shop where a wall with a doorway was came a woman, a few years younger than Oksana, though she wasn’t all to sure. She wore round dark thin glasses. Her nose was pierced, a sky blue gem standing out against her beautiful dark skinned complexion. Her braids, all different and bright colors, were piled high on top of her head as if there had been an attempt of a high bun, but a  _ fuck it _ was what became the end result. It suited her, in a way. She wore baggy light wash denim jeans and an oversized jumper that was folded to her wrists and reached her knees. Her jumper was a soft butter yellow and looked soft, worn. “Sorry about the dogs, they help me know when a customer comes in. I’m Margie.” Margie stuck her right hand out, effortlessly switching her long cane to her left. Oksana shook her hand, smiling a little appreciatively at how firm it was. “Oh wow, your hands are  _ really _ soft.”

“I scrub and moisturize as much as I can.” Oksana said proudly, letting go when time seemed appropriate.

“I  _ love _ your accent. You’re not from around here are you?”

“No, my girlfriend and I come from Europe.”

“And you need a bit of an apology gift, don’t you?”

Oksana nodded, “I’ve upset her this morning and a friend suggested that you were who I should go to for some roses?” 

Margie’s smile could light up a room, bright and bold and beautiful. She tilted her head upwards a little, the way a child does as if they had been given a very important job, “you’re friend was right!” She said happily, before turning on her heel and disappearing behind the curtain. The big dog followed lazily behind her while the puppy nearly tripped on his own paws in excitement to follow. “Come  _ on _ !” Margie called and Oksana shrugged before following the little parade of happiness. 

Behind the curtain were two tills, one bigger than the other, and a wrapping station with dried flower petals and leaves strewn around. On the opposite corner, next to an open doorway with beads and chimes hanging down, was the dogs corner. Two puppy beds, one gray, one yellow, with labels above both. The grey bed had the name  _ Marco _ on a black painted plank of wood, the name in white cursive while  _ Minnie _ was a white painted plank of wood, blue cursive above the little yellow puppy bed. Margie went to the till while Marco curled up in bed, Minnie demanding attention, but all she got was Marco’s arse, and when she turned to Oksana, she was more than happy to pick her up. She was really soft, and really warm, and was trying so hard to give as much kisses as possible. Oksana laughed with the squirmy puppy in her hands before Margie started steering her back to the matter at hand. 

“So I’ve put you down for a two dozen bouquet of roses, is that okay?”

“Oh that’s more than okay.” 

“Okay so the total cost is about forty and with trim its forty-five.”

“That’s good.” Oksana hummed as Minnie calmed down enough to the point where she could give her belly scratches without fear of her squirming right out her arms.

“Are you sure? So many people fuss and-”

“That’s because they don’t understand how hard you work for these roses. Forty-five is fine with me.” Oksana said, cradling Minnie close to her chest as the young babe contented herself to nibbling at the tips of her fingers. She turned to Margie who was looking at her with such a bright smile on her face, and she copied it. 

“Okay so we’re going to head downstairs where the roses are and I’ll just let you build your bouquet. You get to choose up to 24, and it’s a dollar extra per additional rose. They’ve been trimmed, but I do suggest you be careful because there is still the possibility of getting cut by a stray thorn or two.” 

“Okay.” Oksana exhaled, Minnie was really gnawing repeatedly at an already tender spot on her thumb. 

Margie gathered herself and headed to the stairs, and Marco simply lifted his head, saw that everything was lush, and resumed his early evening nap. Oksna knew that Minnie probably wasn’t headed down that route for awhile. 

At the base of the stairs was a door, and behind it was effectively a botanical garden fit for the rows and rows of different colored roses. There were tables covering almost every inch, some with vases of trimmed roses, others with blooming of growing roses. It was a little overwhelming, the amount and the scent, but Oksana went around, after Margie gently took Minnie off her hands, touching the petals and leaves, wiggling her fingers in the nutrient rich dirt, rinsing some of the dirt off in the water of the vases. 

“We’ll be upstairs when you’re all good and ready.”

“Thank you.” Oksana said quietly, her back turned to Minnie and Margie.

In London, Eve wouldn’t need to drive almost an hour out for flowers, she’s sure that any nearby shop would have some potted plants for her to bring to her flat to brighten up the place a little. She wondered if Eve would decorate it, or if it’ll come pre decorated, spruced to make it appear a little more homely. Eve would like the soft things, the things that’ll maximize her comfort; blankets, sheets, duvets, pillows everywhere, copious amounts of alcohol. 

They were a day away from that, and the thought just seemed to make the growing knot at the bottom of her stomach feel tighter, heavier. 

She settled on ten white roses, for peace, five red roses, because it was a classic, five orange, because according to a chart in the room, it meant desire and passion, and for pink ones because they were very cute. In total, she only got nicked four times, which was a number that was a little lower than what she was expecting.

Twenty minutes later, and she was saying goodbye to Margie and her napping dogs, and it wasn’t until she was reversing out the lot that she remembered she never got a chance to snap a few photos for Eve. 

The forty five minute drive nearly doubled in length by traffic and she was peeved that she had to get home so late. It was fine, at first, it offered her a way to try and think of a way to tell Eve that they were leaving their home, but it also raised the risk that she’d get discovered and wouldn’t make it home in the first place. 

“Eve!” She called out, smiling when she smelled  _ food _ and heard Eve dancing about in the kitchen. She was careful with the giant bouquet, shimming out her jacket and kicking off her boots before she made her way to Eve, surprising her by grabbing her waist and spinning her to her face and kissing her. She kissed her deeply, taking her time to feel Eve’s lips against hers, coaxing a moan from her by making her tongue dance with hers before she pulled back, smiling as the dazed look in Eve’s eyes slowly dissolved. “Hi baby.”

“Hi.” Eve breathed, before her eyes found their way to the flowers in Oksana's free hand “are those for me.”

“Yes.” She moved them to be in between them, and Eve gently took them from her, lowering her face into them and taking deep breaths. “I wanted to say sorry for upsetting you this morning, so I found a garden store an hour out and got you these.” 

“Oksana, they’re gorgeous.” Eve sighed, and before she turned away from her, she kissed her cheek softly. She put them in the sink, and Oksana wrapped her arms around her middle, kissing her neck lightly and reveling in the way Eve sighed and leaned her head back. 

“I missed you.” Oksana breathed into her, and Eve said she missed her too. “Let’s go to the bedroom.” 

“Oksana, you need to eat.” Eve protested. Oksana was holding her hand, a foot in front of Eve who was still by the stove, the gas off but the pots were still giving off steam. 

“Eve I’m hungry for  _ you _ .” She whined, and Eve laughed without protesting much further, jokingly groaning about putting in so many man hours just for the food to get wasted. 

Oksana found she could never stop appreciating how Eve was such a gorgeous woman. 

She was strong willed, passionate, funny, charming, bright, beautiful, always deeply emotionally involved, eternally sexy, a true Aphrodite in her own right, and without even trying, seemingly beyond that. 

Her ponytail was low, and with a few easy tugs, the tie was off, and Oksana’s hands were in, lightly scratching her scalp, her hair soft and rich as it flowed in between her fingers. Eve’s eyes closed, and she bent forward the smallest bit to kiss her parted lips, to keep feeling that plushness against hers. 

Eve’s shirt came off, and Oksana held her breasts, seemingly perfectly molded to fit in her hands, and she wasted no time watching as Eve’s blush grew deeper from how she was being fondled, her tits lightly squeezed and her hardened nipples being rolled between fingertips. She kept panting, her hands opening and closing by her sides, and hands skimmed down her sides, hooking into the elastic of her boyshorts and they slowly rolled them down. Shoulders were Eve’s support as she stepped out of them, and a girlish giggle left her lips when they were flug out the room. 

Oksana lead her to the bed, and Eve pushed herself to be nestled in the plush mound of the pillows they shared between their bodies every night, her legs splayed open for Oksana and Oksana only; Oksana always. Eve’s hands went to her own hair, tussling and scratching and pulling and tugging, a show for Oksana to have in this moment and for every moment they shared after, and Eve couldn’t help the smile that spread across her face as Oksana stared on.

“ _ Tease _ ” Oksana said harshly, hunger thick in her voice. 

Eve was so wet, so ready for her, and the fact that she wasn’t afraid or ashamed to show it turned Oksana on even more, made her crave her even more.

She kneeled in front of her, careful as she traced the light veins that ran from ankle to the opening awaiting her, and she swallowed hard at the slow gasp that left Eve’s mouth when she leisurely dipped a finger in, knuckle deep, and waited. Eve’s hips began to roll, and she groaned again when she felt the finger move inside her. 

Oksana pulled out slightly, and entered again, twisting, repeating and watching with earnest, until Eve demanded more, and Oksana gave it to her, stretching her until there were four fingers in her and a thumb resting on her clit. Eve kept coming around her fingers, trying and failing, much to Oksana’s delight, to hold on to the control she had on her body. 

But that control was handed over to Oksana, one atom at a time, until the finale came with Eve pulsing around her fingers, her juices dripping down to her wrist, her name becoming the only sound Eve could make during her peaks of ecstasy. 

Oksana pulled two fingers out, the only breather Eve was getting was the time it took for her to drop to her stomach in front of Eve, watching as her pussy fluttered around her fingers and some empty space, waiting,  _ wanting _ , to be filled. 

“Oh Eve,” was all she could sigh before her face lurched forward, licking up the salty sweetness that was Eve’s cum, drinking it down like water, and doing it again and again, her clit being held hostage between her lips and fighting a losing battle with her tongue. Hands rushed into her hair, grabbing and pushing and tugging, yanking the base and it drove her further into Eve, further into insanity. Oksana kept a hand clamped around Eve’s thigh, feeling, beneath the soft flesh was the hard muscle, twitching with loss of control, joining the rest of her body as it jumped and bounced and convulsed with an unending stream of intense pleasure. 

“Oksana. Please. I.  _ Oh God _ .” Eve whimpered, and Oksana  _ gave _ , gave her the final thrusts, the final licks, the final sucks, the final grip of her thigh that all culminated to Eve’s back arching off the bed and her squirting down her throat, and she swallowed down without hesitation, more of Eve embedding itself into her. 

She was gentle as she departed, she made sure she was slow and careful releasing her hard and sensitive clit, and withdrew her fingers with a manageable pace. Eve laid there, spread for her, her whole body trying so hard to gather as much air as it could back into itself, and she crawled up the bed, gathering Eve up in her arms. 

“Oksana,” Eve tried, some time later, Oksana wasn’t sure. “Let me-”   
“I’m on my period, Eve.”

“It’ll help.” Eve joked, looking up at her through half closed eyes. 

Oksana giggled and nuzzled their noses together. “I didn’t know you cared so much about my period.” 

“God, I’m with a world renowned idiot aren’t I?” Eve laughed, but the joke fell flat with Oksana.

“Eve-”

“I care  _ so much _ about you, O. After the initial shock, I just...found I cared. It wasn’t just that I thought about you all the time, I always hoped you were  _ okay _ all the time.” Eve lifted herself to kiss her, her kiss as soft as those rose petals. Her eyes peered deep into Oksana’s and she choked up, her thoughts scrambling before they shut down completely, and she was helpless to Eve’s emotionally charged stare. “I’ll  _ always _ care about you, Oksana.”

“Do you promise? Through whatever happens, do you promise to always care?” Oksana hurridely whispered to her, her voice thick and heavy with unshed tears.

“Of course.” Eve whispered back, and she let herself be held tight against Oksana’s still covered chest, before she was rocked to sleep. 

“Oh baby,” Oksana said to the now sleeping Eve, “ _ на небе недостаточность звезд, чтобы показать вам, как мне жаль' _ ” she whispered into her hair, along with unshed tears that she knew would be the last to fall for a long time. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Oksana...  
> на небе недостаточность звезд, чтобы показать вам, как мне жаль - "there are not enough stars in the sky to show you how sorry I am"


	6. Eve & Villanelle, Reporting for Judgement Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Apologies, airports, layovers, unspoken words, cigarette smoke, and unpleasantness meals

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Few TW's: slight reckless ingestion of sleeping pills, mention of drinking, mention of smoking, and slight self deprecation humor

Mornings never meant anything before Eve. 

Mornings after a job well done was just a morning filled with satisfaction and the knowledge that she could go out and shop. But other than that, the morning was just a time of day that Oksana usually would wake up on.

Usually.

Mornings hadn’t carried any sense of uncertainty or dread since her childhood days, but even then, she knew those feelings meant nothing. Morning’s after Eve were periods of time where she would lie in bed thinking of a way,  _ any _ way to get to Eve, see her and feel her energy coming out in waves that kept pushing her away and pulling her in closer. 

Since Alaska, mornings were either spent in Eve’s arms or they were spent hoping for a good hunt and then nestling in Eve’s arms; they were soft, warm, firm, inviting, safe, beautiful. 

All of Eve was beautiful.

During the middle of the night, after Carolyn texted her the details of their flight, Oksana quietly slipped out from Eve’s arms and went to look for clothes they would need. Thick black leggings that Eve hated wearing but Oksana thought her ass looked great in, a soft padded black bra, matching hipsters, a tight pale orange turtleneck and a navy blue ribbed collar sweatshirt that had plenty of wiggle room. Thick socks completed the look and she pulled out her own clothes: dark wash denim jeans, a black tank tucked in and a black long sleeve button down. 

There were still hours left before Eve would even stir awake, and Oksana made quick work of bringing a chair in to sit in front of her. She braided her hair, one single braid from the top of her head till the bottom, and she watched Eve sleep. Breath in, breath out, breath in, breath out; steady and strong. 

“I want you to know I’ll be okay.” She whispered. Eve breathed in deeply before she moaned and turned to her other side, her back to Oksana. She figured it was better that way anyway. “I’ll be good. I’ll think of you all the time. If you get mad at me, I think I get why, but it is for the best, Eve. You’ll be safe, and you’ll be around normal people. You won’t have to hide, and you won’t have a fake name and a fake cat and a fake abusive husband. I love you, and I know you love me, and I’m not dying before I hear you say it.” Her hands reached out to the farthest end of a curl from Eve’s hair, careful not to wake her prematurely. “You better keep your promise to care and I’ll keep my promise to come home to you.” 

She watched Eve sleep the entire night, watched her toss and turn, watched her mumble and smack her lips and snore. She watched her carefully, keeping a close eye as her chest expanded and deflated repeatedly, as Eve stayed at peace. Before Eve woke up, Oksana got ready to go, showering quickly and changing before she climbed back into bed with Eve, waking her up with kisses. She left kisses on her shoulders, on her neck, lips and face, until Eve finally woke slowly. Oksana kissed her lips until Eve woke up enough to kiss back, and she chuckled softly.

“What is it? What do you want? I’m still tired.” Eve whined, and it was cute, her still half asleep and clinging onto Oksana’s shirt. “Where are you going?”

“ _ We’re _ going out today.”

“Oh?” Eve pushed her head back, her eyes opening more so she could look at her. “Where to?”

“To buy more flowers. The ones in the sink are probably dead.” 

Eve chuckled at her, sitting up and stretching her arms up. She wiped her eyes and spotted her clothes already out for her at the foot of the bed. They were a little messed up because of her kicking around, but were there. “You picked out my clothes?” Eve turns her head to the side to direct her question full of humor to Oksana. 

“I was excited.”

“I’m sure you were.” Eve groaned, her hands burying themselves in her hair and scratching. Oksana pulled her hands out of her hair and replaced it with one of hers, scratching her scalp for her before just simply running through it. Eve leaned all the way back before just cuddling up, her head on her lap, humming softly as Oksana just kept going. 

“We’re going to be late.” Oksana said softly.

“For  _ flowers _ ?”

“Yes.” 

“Hmph.” Eve got up and stretched again. Oksana watched her back as she did, and she held one hand tightly in the other so as to stop herself from touching. “Well all right.” Eve said with a final sigh before disappearing into the bathroom for her own shower. 

With Eve gone, she could feel more of Oksana slipping away. Oksana cared, she was patient, she was controlling, but only a little, the rest of the control was turned towards herself. Do not buy, do not whine about boredom, do not kill, maim, chase or destroy other humans, do not try to gain any attention to herself. But it was all for Eve, to protect her and herself, to show she  _ can _ be a good, normal person. Eve and her would no longer be  _ one _ soon, and Villanelle knew that, and she wasn’t afraid to show up and take advantage of the absence of normalcy. 

Eve got dressed while she told Oksana all about her dream. She dreamed she was a farmer and had raised evil chickens that did nothing but try and peck at everything. 

“We should get chickens.”

Eve scuffed. “They’d die their first night here.”

“Fried chicken  _ is _ delicious.” Oksana said matter of factly and got hit with a pillow. “Ready to go?” 

“Yeah I think so?” Eve went to their mirror hanging on the door of the bathroom to inspect herself. “I think these leggings fit better now.” 

Oksana slid up behind her, wrapping her arms around her stomach and pressing a kiss on her cheek, with hair in the way and all. “You look beautiful. Go start the car, I’ll be down in a minute.” Eve turned around and kissed her. It was cute the way she was a few inches shorter than her and she had to tilt her head up. “I love you.”

Eve kissed her one more time before leaving her arms. 

Eve would care about the house, about how they made memories and how they were fine in the house. She’d probably be more heartbroken at the fact that they wouldn’t sleep together anymore, and the fact that she won’t have anyone to fuck her as good as she does. 

Oksana smiled at that.

She checked herself over the mirror. Her jeans were a little loose in the front, but that was okay, it was easier to tuck her tank in. She adjusted her open shirt one more time before heading downstairs, slipping her black winter boots that had satin bows in the back, putting her leather jacket on and a white scarf was wrapped twice around her neck. As an afterthought she went into the kitchen and grabbed a white rose. 

With a final turn of the lock outside, she threw the keys on the ground next to the doormat and stomped on it; keys out of sight, house out of mind. 

The entire car ride over, Eve kept asking where they were going, and every time she’d ask Oksana would turn to her and smile before refocusing her attention on the road and letting Eve change the subject. Sometimes she did, sometimes she’d sing along with the radio. 

“So you took the job.” Was all Eve could say when Oksana pulled into the airport parking lot. Oksana watched her, wondering what she would do. All she did was look down at her lap where her hands were, palm side up. “What did Carolyn say to make you do this?”

“Do you want the truth?”

Eve turned to her, unfallen tears heavy on her eyelids. “Are you going to start lying to me now?”

“No.”

“What-” Eve inhaled shakily “-what made you do this to us?”

“She said you would be safe.”

“And what-” she swiped angrily at the falling tears “-about you?”

“What about me, Eve?”

“What do you mean  _ what about you _ , you airhead! What about  _ your _ safety?!” 

“Eve. I’ll be doing dangerous work, it’d be stupid to promise anything about my safety.”

“And leaving me isn’t?”

“It isn’t stupid, Eve, it’s smart.” She placed a hand gently on one of Eve’s fists. Eve looked down at it with anger before looking at her again. “You’ll be fine the whole time. And if anything happens to me, you’ll be okay.”

Eve stayed quiet for a long time, looking at her hands. They unfurled and she played with Oksana’s fingers, before she just rubbed gentle circles on her palm with her thumb. 

“I won’t be.”

“What?”

“I won’t be fine.” A tear landed on her palm, and Oksana watched as more fell. “You won’t be with me and I won’t know what happens to you.” She looked up at her, and the sight of a broken Eve, broke her. “I thought you had enough of a heart to think with  _ that _ instead of your head.”

“Eve, I-” 

A knock came at Oksana’s closed window and both women looked only to find Carolyn there, calling their attention before tapping the watch on her wrist. 

Oksana turned back to Eve, taking her in as she Eve kept watching her. “Eve I’m sorry.” She tried. 

Eve scuffed, letting out an “I’m sure you are” and quickly climbed out the car, slamming the door shut. She watched for a moment as Eve walked briskly alongside Carolyn before climbing out of the car to follow. She didn’t bother locking it and threw those keys on the ground as well. 

Eve didn’t talk to her the entire time they went throughout the entire process, sticking closely to Carolyn as she got their boarding passes -Cassandra Ming for Eve and Katrina Moore for herself- not through the TSA line, where Oksana got patted down, twice, not through a security checkpoint and when there was one seat next to her and no other seats available after Carolyn sat down, Eve stood by the giant windows, looking out. 

“The both of you will be in business class.” Carolyn said, everyone else oblivious to her speaking besides Oksana. “There’s going to be two stops, one in Washington state and one in California. I do hope the both of you behave. M&M’s?” She gestured the snack size bag towards her.

“And you’ll be?”

Carolyn looked at her, a little startled that she’d ask  _ a _ question, much less  _ that _ question. “First.”

Oksana smiled before Carolyn and a few other people in first class were up to board and soon she heard when it was her, Eve and anyone else in business' turn. She walked up to her, putting her hand on Eve's shoulder. Eve aggressively shrugged her off, before marching herself to the ticket desk herself. After they were allowed to go in, Eve found where they were sitting and sat in front of the window where Oksana was supposed to be sitting. It would be another three and a half hours before they’d land in Seattle for 45 minutes. It took Eve less than an hour for her to put her head on Oksana’s shoulder and softly cry. 

The layover was where Carolyn bought them sandwiches and tea. Oksana had to change pads from that morning, but it was futile, there was nearly nothing there. She didn’t eat her sandwich, but Eve seemed more than willing to eat, and she was the one who ate her chicken salad sandwich. She did drink her tea, however. It was hibiscus, and it was sweet and flowery, but not by much. The layover at Los Angeles was fun; she separated from them when Carolyn was on the phone, her back turned to her, and Eve was still in the bathroom. She walked off and walked with purpose, exploring the entire side of the terminal, and she would’ve explored the other side if Eve hadn’t spotted her walking past them and pulled her back. 

Eve didn’t let go of her hand the whole hour they sat together. 

They had ten and a half hours before they would land in London, and by hour three, Eve had taken four bathroom trips and readjusted herself 15 times. 

“Everything okay?” Oksana whispered to her, and Eve had her hair in her hands halfway to being pulled into a ponytail for the sixth time. 

“Oh completely. I’m seven hours away from touching down in  _ London _ , of all places, where I’ll be separated from you and then judged by my friends and then kept hostage until an entire terrorist organization goes under or  _ you _ do.” Eve speed whispered, smiling fake and tight when a hostess asked if they wanted something to drink. They both declined. 

“Eve, this isn’t easy for me either.”

“Oh, I can see the remorse  _ written all over you _ .” Eve huffed and roughly threw her back to the seat. 

“Eve, do you want to rest?”

“What?” Eve laughed, “and how am I supposed to do that?" She kept laughing, but there was no humor in it. "With those sleeping pills you left me?”

“Yes.”

“What?” Eve sat up quickly, looking at her in bewilderment. “How did you get that past security? They patted you down  _ twice _ .” 

Oksana shrugged. “My little nipples were really hard.”

“What?” 

Oksana went into her bra and produced one pill from each cup, both wrapped in tissue paper. Eve took them from her hands, unwrapped them quickly and dry swallowed both. 

“How long before they kick in?”

“20 minutes.”

“How long will I be out?”

“The rest of the trip.”

“What will you do while I’m asleep?”

“Not murder.” 

“Very funny.” She answered sarcastically and turned her attention to the screen fitted on the back of the seat in front of them and started watching a movie. 

Ten minutes in and Eve was dead to the world around her. 

-

London didn’t change, or maybe it did and Eve failed to noticed. 

In all fairness, she  _ was _ still groggy, and Oksana’s guiding hand on her lower back was soothing and she trusted her to lead her around while her head still swam and it cost her body to move. She climbed into the van with some issue, tripping only once, and allowed her body to fall into Oksana’s arms, smell the faint remintes of Alaska, of  _ home _ . Figures and colors, sounds and voices swam around her, and she tried desperately to quickly shake the fatigue that clung heavily to her body, but her attempts were futile. 

“Eve. Breathe. The effects will wear off soon.” Oksana whispered into her ear, and Eve remembered she was pissed at her, but her body betrayed her, her hair raising on end at its own accord. 

She looked upwards, and brought her hand up before it fell, rather heavily than she intended it too on Oksana’s cheek, but like a professional, she didn’t flinch. Her eyes rolled on their own before she  _ focused _ them, the morning light hitting her eyes so perfectly, Eve could feel herself getting lost in the bright olive greens of her eyes, as if walking through a rich forest. Somewhere in the distance, she could hear the rubble of the car on asphalt, the honking of traffic, the abundance of city life, but all she could  _ feel _ was Oksana wrapped around her, holding her warmly and safely from everything that could be her cause of worry. 

“You’re beautiful.” she whispered to her, and Oksana gave her a small smile. 

“You too, Eve.”

“No.” She moaned, shaking her head. It didn’t bother her to do so. “You’re  _ beautiful. _ ” 

Oksana knotted her eyebrows together before she turned her head up and nodded at whoever and then turned her attention to Eve. “Eve. Listen to me. You’ll feel nauseous when the drug wears off. Drink cool water, slowly, tuck your head in between your knees and take deep breaths. And then eat something. Can you remember that?” Eve nodded her head. Oksana kissed her forehead, something so feather light, if the drug wasn’t wearing off she's sure she would imagine it. The car pulled to a stop and Oksana sat her up, a look of painful regret in her eyes. 

The doors opened and that's when Eve was able to notice that it was a giant 10 passenger van, all black exterior with no logo or any indication that they had just endured a near 20 hour flight. The two of them were all the way in the back and although Eve didn’t need help, she still held on tightly to Oksana’s hand, now to afraid to ever let go. They were in front of a two story home at the base of the steps in a quiet neighborhood, and Eve took in Oksana’s features, the sun slightly behind her, capturing her raw essence. She held onto both hands, and fought back tears. Her mind was a little clearer, and her body still felt heavy, but her heart felt heaviest. 

“I-” she exhaled, and she could see Oksana cling onto the word, her grip tightening as the seconds ticked down to the rest of Eve’s words that they both knew were there, that they both knew they had no more time to say. 

“Villanelle.” Carolyn’s sharp voice came from within the loitering van, and Oksana turned her attention back to Eve, urging her to  _ please _ say the rest. But Eve couldn’t, because it’d be all in vain, because it didn’t matter, because it made no sense to say it now, because it hurt, because it would change nothing,  _ because, because, because.  _

Because she was still afraid. 

Oksana tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, her fingers slowly grazing the delicate skin there, and Eve pulled in a breath after not doing so for so long, gave her a sad smile and pulled her into a hug. When she pulled back moments later, the front door of the brownstone swung open, with Eve’s name called excitedly by Elena. Oksana kissed her cheek before pulling from her grasp and climbing into the van, the vehicle disappearing out of her line of sight a minute later. 

She stayed put, her body turned to where the van vanished from sight, the wind blowing her hair forward, and she could feel Elena’s hand rest on her shoulder. 

It was wrong.

It was  _ all  _ wrong; the sight of so many homes, so many cars, the sound of so many children who were too young for school excitedly screaming as their nannies let them burn off their energy after breakfast. Elena’s hand was wrong, it was too warm, to small, she shouldn’t even  _ be _ next to Elena, because they had ran away to Alaska, to build a life. It was a life based on lies,  _ yes _ , but it’d be  _ their _ lives, with fake names and personalities and hobbies and interesting facts to everyone  _ except _ each other and they were going to adopt cats and huskies and maybe a chicken and Eve would die old but  _ happy _ . Happy because she broke from London, and the only life it could ever offer her, happy because she was driven to the brink of insanity and then stayed there with the woman who drove her there, happy because so many people could only wish to get a second chance at life and she,  _ she _ , was able to do it. 

“Eve?” Elena asked, concern in her voice and her name was wrong, it wasn’t being said quietly into the dark of night or the clarity of morning, it wasn’t being shouted from the basement, it wasn’t being said from the front door in that distinct Russian accent. “Eve?”

Everything was wrong, there was nothing she could do, and so Eve bent forward, clutched her stomach, and hurled in front of her shoes. 

Eve woke again on a couch, groggy and a headache pounding so fiercely behind her eyes, it felt like a gong was going off and vibrating in her skull with each beat of her heart. The sounds of the television in front of her were low, and it hurt to keep her eyes open, to take in the light. She lifted her arm from where it was dangling off the couch and swung it carelessly over her eyes. 

She groaned with pain. 

“Oh. You’re up.” Kenny’s voice came from near her, and she smiled against better judgement. Always the observant one. 

“If you can call it that.” No response. Guess he left. Eve sighed and let sleep take over. 

She woke again some hours later, this time to the sound of a babbling baby and Elena answering her. Eve smiled before she opened her eyes, and she took a deep breath, sighing with relief at the absence of fatigue and nausea. 

“Elena?” She tried, softly. Her throat was dry and it hurt. 

“Right here.” Elena answered, not too far away. 

Eve took her time sitting up, and she wiped her eyes. When she opened, Elena sat in chair at the end of the couch, in front of the curtained window, turned at an angle to better face the television mounted to the wall next to the doorway that separated the entryway and the living room. She was wearing a pink fluffy full length robe, with her beautiful baby girl on her lap, paying no mind to Eve just a few feet away. “She’s beautiful.” She breathed, meaning it.

“Yeah she is, isn’t she?” Elena beamed, bouncing her baby a little on her knee. The baby giggled and Elena bent to give her fat cheek a raspberry kiss. “Thank God she's cute, don’t know what I’d do if she came out like Kenny.” 

Eve laughed, properly, for what felt like the first time in over a week. The reminder that it had only been just over 24 hours before with Oksana. She swallowed thickly to avoid crying. “What would you have done?”

“Oh hell if I know. No offense, but when I saw his baby pictures all I could do was thank my genes for being so strong.” Elena turned the baby so she was facing Eve, and she could see her beautiful little face, her light brown eyes bright and full of so much joy Eve couldn’t help  _ but  _ smile at her. “Say hi to Eve, Leta.” Elena said in a singsong voice, waving her little arm to Eve, but the little cutie was to focused on the task at hand- waving the string of Elena’s bathrobe around. 

“Leta?”

“Short for Charlotte. Kenny insisted on her taking my name, but I don’t want  _ two _ Elena’s in this house, so we settled for my mum’s name.” Eve hummed and nodded in acknowledgment. 

Elena looked at her and stood up, the baby immediately put on her shoulder on top of a burping blanket. “I’ll put the baby down for her nap and then we’ll chat, yeah?”

Eve nodded, “yeah.” 

“...so basically, you made up this pet  _ cat _ of yours as a placement for Oksana?” 

After putting the baby down, which took a lot longer than Eve thought, Elena went to the kitchen and fixed Eve a sandwich and gave her a hot toddy. Since she had time, Eve took a look around, taking in the life that Elena was able to build for herself during her absence. She took in the soft gray cushion couch that she had rested on, the matching chair Elena had sat on earlier, the giant TV mounted on the wall with a stand underneath it. The stand stood at maybe two feet tall, was made of dark wood and doubled as a case, where it was baby proofed to hell with a safety lock on the handles and the corners fitted with silicone. The rug was plush, a deep wine, the walls were painted cream, the trim of the walls a sky blue and the ceiling had been painted as an imitation of Michelangelo’s  _ Creation of David _ . Eve didn’t take any of them to be religious or even artsy types, but she could appreciate looking at it, and she figured that’s why they had chosen it as well. 

To the west was the dining room followed by the kitchen behind it, and in the dining room, after passing the baby gate, was a grand chandelier, standard dark oak table with seating for four, and a state of the art kitchen that surprised Eve when she learned that Kenny was more of a junior chef. 

In the dining room, Eve took her time eating, while Elena drank tea, and told her bit by bit about their time in Alaska, having not yet gotten to the part where Carolyn showed up. 

Eve chuckled and nodded her head, swallowing the last bit of her drink and setting the mug down gently on the table, keeping it in her hands still. “Heh. Yeah. I was already a basket case so they didn’t question my companion choices.” Elena hummed, and got to clear the table. “So. You and Kenny, huh?” 

“Oh yeah.” Elena said over her shoulder. She rinsed the plates and left them to dry before she sat down, wiping her hands on a dishrag. “It sort of  _ happened _ , I guess. Who knew a mutual friend leaving the country without further warning would be such a catalyst?” 

“Yeah.” Eve laughed, “I guess an ex friend going insane and leaving all she knew to go live with an assassin would ever be the perfect excuse to start a family?” She gestured widely with her hands before settling them down at her lap and letting her chuckle fade out to an awkward silence.

“Eve-”

“I am sorry.” She was looking at the table, but soon looked at Elena. “I don’t-” she sighed in frustration. “I don’t know. What to say, exactly. And I’m not really sorry for leaving, but I am sorry I left you and disappointed you.”

“Disappointed me? What?”

“I left you for Oksana, for Villanelle. Now. I guess. I know you wouldn’t want that for me and I don’t know about Kenny but if he’s pissed at me I understand-” 

Elena gently rested her hand on Eve’s clenched fists on the table, calming Eve down long enough for her to speak. “You’re right, the last thing I ever expected or wanted was for you to go to  _ Alaska _ all of places, especially without inviting me! And I wouldn’t expect you to go with  _ Villanelle _ , but you’re back. And Kenny-” Elena sighed. “-he certainly doesn’t hate you. He’s  _ disappointed _ , yeah, and he’ll be stuck that way for a while, but he is a lot calmer knowing you’re home.” 

Eve smiled, and grabbed Elena’s hands in hers, holding on to, what felt like,  _ stability _ . “Thank you.”

“Of course.” 

“So uh, speaking of Kenny, where is he?” Eve let go of Elena’s hands, but they were still close. 

“Work. He’s back at MI6 and I’m there too but Carolyn’s given me maternity leave.”

“So you both work for her?”

“Yeah. Different departments though so we don’t really see each other until we get home.” Eve hummed and they turned their attention to the direction of the door when they heard it unlock and open. “Oh, he’s home early. Doesn’t get home ‘til ‘bout 8, usually.” Elena stood up and went to the living room, and Eve only stood and rushed to her side when she heard her go “oh!”

And again, she was met with the fresh face of Carolyn. 

“Eve. Better?” 

“I’m fine.” She gritted out. 

“Good. Come along.” Carolyn started to turn, but Eve wasn’t having it.

“Why?”

Carolyn turned back to her, and explained, ever so patiently, why. “Elena has a baby to tend to and when Kenny gets home from work I don’t expect him to be very happy about having to deal with a year’s worth of  _ feelings _ . You’re getting your own flat, Eve.”

Elena squeezed Eve’s hand and walked the other women out, giving Eve a good tight hug that they knew she needed. 

-

Four weeks passed by without Eve noticing much of it.

The days bled into one another and she mindlessly watched the smoke curl upwards towards the high ceiling, always dissipating before it can reach it. The slosh of the liquid in a bottle became her white noise, and the city life right outside those gates she still refuses to look at when looking out the window was just another piece of her new reality that's fit itself into the mixed matched jigsaw puzzle of her mind. She heard Oksana's voice swimming softly between her ears, and that's the last thing she can ever remember in her last moments of lucidity before she wakes up and start the process all over again. 

By the middle of the fifth week, she's figured she’s had more than enough. 

She struggles to sit upright, waking from her spot on the couch, takes in the damage around her and winces. Strewn around her feet are bottles of vodka and wine, some liquid still inside, some upright, some on the side, and one had cracked and leaked. Crushed cigarette cartons lay about and a presumably finished lighter is a few feet away. Wrappers of crisps and candy decorate the floor as if it were confetti, congratulating her on deciding to reenter the human world. Her phone laid on the floor, a little under the couch, dead from the only usage being the constant ring of calls and texts from a concerned Elena. She'd go over, but first, she needed to get it together. 

The first thing Eve had done when Carolyn had left her on her own was strip of her clothing, fold them, put them in a bag and tuck it under the bed. She didn’t bother looking in the closet in her bedroom, seeing if Carolyn had somehow managed to build some sort of wardrobe for her. She was told her flat would be kept at a near constant 24 degrees and she felt the warmth settle on her after her shower when she went to the living room to sit and smoke. 

After two cigarettes was when Eve started to feel her chest cave in, and her mind flooded with those soft moments she had gotten so used to with Oksana by her side. She never did make it to bed, and when she tried to sleep on it the next morning, she found that the memory foam offered her no comfort quite like the comfort of Oksana’s arms around her. The bed, instead, presented a new problem; that there were to many unspoken truths that had lied dormant in Eve’s mind, and with virtually nothing to distract her, they sprung up like blossoming flowers. 

After Eve finished sweeping and dusting, after her phone was put on a charger, after a long, very hot and then freezing cold shower, after spending time brushing her hair back into a ponytail, and after  _ finally _ opening the doors to her wardrobe and getting cozy in grey lounge pants and a matching loose tank top, Eve sat down with a cup of tea in hand to watch some soaps feeling closer to herself than she had in forever. 

After an episode, when she drained her mug, she sighed to herself. “It’s gonna be okay.” She told herself, and she felt like she meant it. 

When the sun settled down, she had on all the lights in her flat and the radio was low on a station that played old tunes. She had grown to really like cooking, she had virtually nothing but time once she was healed up, and it saddened her watching O eat frozen meals because it bothered her far to much to watch her eat the meat she had skinned. She stuck mostly with chicken, and she loved making orange chicken and rice with fruit salad on the side. Wes, the guard who was stationed at her door when she got in the mood for cooking, was kind enough to run to the market for her some berries and golden syrup. When he returned, he got yelled at and smacked upside the head, but laughed it off and switched places with one of the resting guards. 

She knew that there were three other flats in the building, and wondered if there were any other tenants. She was grateful the one below her didn’t seem to mind her movements. 

When she was plating her food, her front door unlocked, and she stayed in the kitchen wondering who was in her flat and for what reason. She heard heels clicking against the faux tiles and she relaxed enough to step into the living room. 

“Carolyn-” she gave her a tight smile. “-hi.”

“Good to see you up and well enough to move about.”

“Uh yeah.” Eve gave her an awkward chuckle. “Do you want to join me? I kind of made enough for two so…”

“What are we having?” Carolyn took her coat off, staying in a burnt orange jumper and black dress pants. 

“Orange chicken, white rice, fruit salad.” 

“I’d love some.” She sat on the couch and Eve gave her the plate she made for herself and hurried back to the kitchen to make a new plate. 

Throughout dinner Eve’s back was tight with tension as she ate and watched the movie, even though it appeared that Carolyn was comfortably well at home. Eve couldn’t bear the thought of just how many spots there were under Carolyn from where she drooled. 

“Did you learn to cook in Alaska?”

“Mhm-” Eve was taking a sip of water and rushed to swallow, willing the bit of food stuck in her throat to go down faster “-yes, actually. I had time so I just figured I’d finally learn to cook some basic recipes.”

“Yes, without a Niko around, I’m sure this was out of necessity.”

Niko. Eve didn’t know how to respond to that, didn’t know how to respond to anything Niko, and just plainly nodded. She drank more water and started to will Carolyn to leave the flat just a tad bit faster. 

“How are you finding the flat?” 

“It’s nice. Functional. I haven’t uh  _ spruced it up _ but I’m sure I’ll get around to it. Eventually.”

Carolyn hummed. Eve let herself glance briefly at the woman, and went back to move a few stray grains of rice around her plate. Her bowl of fruit was still on the floor, and she switched the plates of the dishes. “Why are you here, Carolyn?” 

“Elena was worried. I came by to see if you were a vegetable or not.” 

It was Eve’s turn to hum. She felt like there was more to that, and she debated if it was worth her time to challenge it. 

In 35 seconds flat, it was decided. 

“Carolyn,” she looked at her, watching her profile, “what happens if I die?”

“Well I presume that if you have no other specific instructions in your will then you’ll be buried in some cemetery-”

“No I mean now. In the middle of this  _ job _ , what happens if I die?” 

Carolyn turned to her, head cocked slightly to the side “do you plan on dying?”

“What?”

“Because if you’re thinking of harming yourself I can arrange for you to see someone about that.”

“That won’t be necessary, I’m just wondering.”

“What exactly are you wondering, Eve?” Carolyn’s head had corrected itself, and Eve was glad she had something in her hands to stop them from fiddling and squeezing.

“What happens to Oksana if something fatal happens to me? If I get into some kind of accident here at the flat or out in the streets somewhere? What happens to her, what happens to the job?”

“It won’t be in anyone’s best interest for you to die.” Eve stayed quiet and Carolyn inhaled deeply before turning her body to face her. “We really need Villanelle for this job-”

“Yes I know-” Carolyn raised her hand and Eve shut herself up so she could continue.

“-if ‘something fatal happens’ as you put it, London, along with six other countries,  _ will _ suffer irreversible catastrophic consequences that can only be comparable to that of World War II.” Eve cringed and Carolyn looked at her as if to say  _ exactly _ . “So in that case, I suggest you try your best to be careful here and out there.” Eve nodded solemnly. “Right. In that case, I’ll be going. Dinner was lovely.”

“Thanks.” Eve said quietly, watching as Carolyn stood to get her coat. She walked her to the door and told her that she’d stop by Elena’s tomorrow. Carolyn nodded and told Stewart to lock down the building for the night. 

As Eve washed the dishes, she noticed she hadn’t felt so alone in such a long time, and when she settled in for the night, she avoided the bed yet again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: first off I'd like to say a big thank you to everyone who's read and even bigger thank you to anyone who has commented.   
> I know I've been (semi) consistent with the uploads, but school is starting up and I'm afraid that chapters will be uploaded at the world's slowest pace known to man  
> I _do_ have one more written chapter that'll get uploaded at the beginning of next month (fingers crossed) and then that'll be it!  
> I'll try to continue to work on this story because I love it so much and I personally want to see what these two get up too so there's that hope, at least.   
> K bye!


	7. Oh, When the Mighty Realized They've Fallen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lists at breakfast, a trip to Asda and memory lane, a trip to Elena's and Lush, and a smoke break with a dash of reconciliation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy first of September!

There was some kind of ferality in not having to share your own space, Eve decided the next morning. When it came to a morning routine, there was no second or third person that had to be considered, and in terms of decorating, nothing has to make sense. If she wanted to super glue one of the fancy, heavy, China plates up to the ceiling at 2 in the morning, she absolutely could, and there would be no else asking her about  _ why _ . It was freeing as it also was a bit worrisome, she really had no one to stop her from doing anything in the flat except her. 

Carolyn had given her a bank card, and in the time she had spent on the couch, she hadn't used it since she went for the bottles and snacks and then the food and fruit. She checked the balance on her phone, and started making a mental to-buy list. Throw pillows for the couch were first on her list, and then some plush blankets for the couch as well along with a down comforter for the bed. Bath oils and a few of those bath bombs that sold like hotcakes back at Tommi and Lee's that she had been meaning to try but never got around to, was tacked on the list. 

"I should probably write this down somewhere." Eve told herself before she went on any further. 

But first, maybe some breakfast. 

As Eve ate her eggs and toast -something she had to redo because she seasoned her eggs with sugar instead of salt,  _ twice _ , and burned her toast- she wrote her list:

-throw pillows & blankets for couch

-bath bombs & oils

-moisturizer

-make up?

-plants

- ~~ roses ~~

-cozier pajamas 

"Yeah." She said, the last bit of her breakfast swallowed down. It was a decent starting point, and she'd ask Elena if she would like to go with her. She knew Elena knew all the best places to get everything, and it'd be nice to have a friend by her as she shopped around. She was told that there was a driver at her disposal, all she had to do was ask whomever was positioned outside her door. It was a nice idea, perhaps it was more of an additional safety precaution, but it felt artificial. When she lived in London before, she got around as efficiently as the tube allowed her and when she  _ moved _ , she drove herself everywhere she needed to go once settled. 

She padded around the flat, leaving the dishes to soak in the sink and got ready. Her clothes were reminiscent to what she had been wearing before she moved, and was glad for the familiarity. She settled on tight-ish navy blue pants, a loose tan tank that she tucked in her pants and a form fitting black jumper. Before she slipped on her flats, she texted Elena to see if she would be in, and with a confirmation text, she grabbed her phone, pocketed her list, grabbed her coat from the hook near the door and knocked. 

It was unlocked for her and she smiled at Wes’ warm face. “Morning madam.”

“Morning Wes.” 

“Uh heading out for the day, yeah?” Wes looked her up and down, twice, before reaching her eyes again. “It’s gonna snow, are you sure you want to wear those shoes?”

“Is it going to be a lot?”

“It could be, dunno.” Wes shrugged and Eve couldn’t help but grin. 

“I’m sure I’ll manage. I want to go to Elena’s, I want to do some shopping.”

“Oh I love shopping. My boyfriend says I shop more than I eat but-” Wes rubbed his slight bump of a stomach in a comically over the top way and Eve laughed “-I’d have to disagree. I’ll call the driver-”

“No!” Wes jumped at Eve’s yell and she tried a smile as a slight apology. “No I want to take the tube.”

“The tube? I don’t think that’s the best idea considering-”

“Please.” 

Wes was torn, she could tell, there was a war waging in his head as he chewed his lip. He  _ could _ appease her, walk her out and take the tube with her with the promise that he’d return with her and she’d be intact and well,  _ alive _ . And perhaps it could work. But she knew that at the end of the day, she was a top priority, and keeping her safe and alive meant that taking public transit was more out of the question than in. 

Footsteps pounded on the staircase that was at the opposite side of the hall, right by flat 3 and Eve’s heart soon started to mimic the sound in her ears when the guard showed up. He was a large man, bald and white, with wrinkles showing his age. Eve looked at his eyes, and although he had brown eyes instead of green, his eerie familiarity with the  _ dead _ didn’t calm her.“Wes, yeah? Fuck is going on here, why’d you unlock the door?”

“Eve wanted to go out-” Wes tried to explain.

“Yeah, and?” The guard shouted, not moving from his spot a foot away from the stairs, his voice grating yet turning Eve’s blood cold with each syllable he spoke. 

“Well she wanted to get on the tu-”

“Road!” Eve interjected, forcing out a laugh that she heard came from her vocal cords, but it wasn’t at all hers. “I wanted to get on the road as soon as possible and Wes was telling me that it was scheduled to snow and I know it’s your guys’ jobs to keep me 100 percent safe or whatever so he was just wondering if it was worth the risk.” 

Out of breath, Eve wondered if maybe she should start working out just a  _ little _ more. 

“Well yeah it’s gonna snow but later on. Wes stop being an arse and drive her to where she needs to go.” And with that final say, the guard turned and stomped his way down the stairs, her heart jumping, centimeter by centimeter, out her chest. 

“Everything all right?” 

Eve was biting down hard on her bottom lip, and she felt when she pierced the skin there and felt when the warm, metallic taste of her blood touched her lip. She nodded and followed Wes to the front where the car was parked, trying her very best to ignore the guard who had appeared earlier. 

The car was a comfortable town car, black and sleek even with its age. The windows were fully tinted, and that was the only giveaway that it was a little more conspicuous than initial thought. Eve got in the back along with Wes and the driver told her that she’d be at Elena in forty minutes, traffic was a bit heavy. 

“Are you all right?” Wes asked again, and Eve stayed stoic. 

She was a killer, there was no way around it, it was just who she was and there was no way around that fact. So many people didn’t know, the ones who did were back in her life after a year, and the only person who had witnessed it, kept her safe from it, was gone. 

“Who was he?” Eve was looking out the window, and her breath fogged up her view of the bare trees and the sidewalks littered with people huddling in their coats against the wind and couples with bright cheeks laugh hand in hand. 

“Oh that was just Trevor. We call him a terror behind his back, and if you do too, I promise I won’t tell.” Wes laughed, and the driver did too, but Eve couldn’t find it in her to do so. 

“Hey Elena-”

‘ _ Eve! Are you all right? Are you on your way? _ ’ Eve gritted her teeth at the question, and quickly counted to ten, willing her fist to unfurl in her pocket. 

“Yeah, yes, I’m fine-”

‘ _ Oh that’s good. I was starting to think you went away again or something! _ ’ 

“Ha ha ha no! I’m fine, I just um.” She closed her eyes and tried to count to ten. She made it to ten, then eleven, then twelve before she felt her nose go hot and her throat start to feel tight.

‘ _ Eve? _ ’

“Eve?” Wes asked, and the concern in both their voices irritated her. 

“Look, Elena, the thing is this  _ move _ put a lot of strain on me-”

‘ _ Yeah, I could imagine- _ ’

“-and I can’t lie when I say that going from a cabin in the woods to a big city so quickly hasn’t been an easy transition-”

‘ _ Yeah? _ ’

“-and I’m just really  _ really _ tired. Can we just? Do you mind if I reschedule?”

‘ _ Oh babe yeah of course! But text me, okay? I don’t want to have to send Carolyn after you again! _ ’ Elena laughed and Eve made herself laugh with her. ‘ _ Do you want company though? I can come over if you like? I’m sure Leta misses you. _ ’ 

“No no! My flat isn’t really  _ home _ and I’ll see you later this week. I promise.”

‘ _ All right love. See you soon. Bye! _ ’

“Bye.” 

“So back to the flats, ma’am?” The driver asked, and Eve turned from watching the outside to meet his eyes in the rear view mirror.

“Yes please.”

“Very well than.” 

“Do you need something from the shop?” Wes asked her, his voice was low, but that meant nothing in a small car with the radio off. 

_ Wine, so much wine, I’m all out. Maybe vodka? Vodka would just make everything  _ worse _. Love, attention, hugs, kisses, my own house-  _ “chocolates, I think. Also milk and cereal.” 

Wes nodded. “Lucas, take us to Asda, yeah?”

“Got it.” 

“Are you alright for-”

Eve inhaled sharply before turning her complete body to look at Wes. “I’m gonna be honest here, if anyone asks me that question I  _ will _ jump out of the window.”

Wes blinked at her before lowering himself slightly to meet her eye to eye. “Well can you do that when I’m not on shift? The paperwork is gonna be a bitch and frankly, I’m far too lazy for that.” 

Eve leaned back as did Wes, and they shook on it. 

Walking into Asda after so long of not doing so brought back a wave of comfort and nostalgia that made Eve very uncomfortable. A headache began to form, and she wanted to turn right back around to the car so Lucas could drive her back to the flat, but Wes seemed enthusiastic enough for a seemingly 20 minute trip, so she toughed it out, grabbed a basket, and tried to pretend that a silent Wes following her wasn’t making her nervous. 

Two loaves of Tiger bread, and a bottle of white wine later, she found herself staring down the chocolate selection with great attention. There was of course the classical chocolates she had no issue finding in Alaska, and the bright Kit Kat packaging was calling her name, despite the fact that her system was telling her she shouldn't, but the Cadbury she had so missed was calling her attention  _ more _ , and with Wes’ help, she began piling as many milk chocolate bar packs to last an apocalypse. 

“Eve?” 

Instinct, it seemed to her, pulling her to the direction of her name being called by the one person she swore she’d hate for the rest of her days. His name reminded her of simpler times, when life was about work and then coming home to a good warm meal, nicely chilled wine, and a pet chicken that liked to lay her eggs in places they couldn’t reach. It, like so many other times her name had been called since touching down over a month ago, was heavy with confusion, but also with shock, and she understood immediately why. He, like she, thought he’d never see her again, that she’d either simply never cross paths with him or she’d end up dead before the day. 

And yet all it took was a stupid trip to Asda on a cloudy Monday afternoon for the illusion of eternal separation to come crumbling down. 

“Niko. Hi.” 

There really was no God she knew to blame for this incident, and so she blamed the next best thing -Carolyn. Had she not spoken his name than  _ maybe _ she wouldn’t be looking at him. 

“H-how are you?” 

“Um. Fine.”  _ As fine as you could be when you were just caught shoveling chocolate into your basket at breakneck speeds, _ she thought. “And you? How are things?” 

“Well.” He nodded, and Eve wasn’t sure if the nod of reassurement was more for her or him. “New partner?” He gestured to Wes. 

“Uh-” Wes begun and Eve turned to him, pleading with her eyes. He shut his mouth and nodded at Niko. 

“Yeah. Wes, we met a while ago, I’d say four months?” 

“Four months, yeah.” Wes took the basket from Eve’s hands and she shoved them in her pockets. She ignored the way she snuggled closer to him when he slung an arm around her shoulders, warming her instantly. She  _ did _ , however, fight the sly feeling in her chest when Niko’s gaze went to Wes’ arm and then back to her eyes. 

“You two look good for each other.” Niko commented instead and Eve took a moment to look up at Wes. She supposed Niko made a valid point; Wes wasn’t a bad looking guy and in another life she wouldn’t dare hesitate to date him if given the chance. He was a few inches taller than her, and firm, like he went to the gym, but didn’t take it seriously. His soft brown eyes went brilliantly with his brown skin, deep and rich like luxurious milk chocolate.

“Yeah. We do,” Eve said, more to Wes than to Niko. “So.” She finally turned to look at the other man, worn down with the greys of his mustache showing the vicious way time had abused him. “Uh you? Any new people in your life?” 

“Yes, erm Meriam. Sweet woman. Good woman.” 

Eve nodded her head and her eyes focused to behind Niko where she watched as a woman peeked into the aisle before quickly walking down, basket in one hand and the other reaching for Niko’s. She watched as he nearly jumped fully out of his skin before whipping his head to see who had touched him and calming down once he realized who it was. 

“There you are! I thought you were getting the sweets?” Meriam, Eve presumed seeing as to how  _ comfortably _ they were holding hands, had a full northern London accent, and as much it should annoy her, to Eve, it just felt like it added to her attractiveness. 

“Yeah, I just ran into-” Niko gestured with his free hand to the couple in front of him and that’s when it looked like Meriam had just noticed she had interrupted a conversation. 

“Oh God! I’m so sorry!” She turned and shook hands with Wes and Eve, who was quick to put her hand back in her pocket. “Oh strong man, huh?” She laughed off the compliment to Wes and he laughed, returning the sentiment. Eve fought to break from his still unwavering embrace. “You must be Eve?” Meriam looked completely confused at Eve’s form and she wondered if she should take the look offensively. “I thought you died or something of the sort?” Eve barked out a laugh, startling the woman who had begun reaching in between the two couples for some sweets her child was demanding from their seat in the trolley. She scurried away rather quickly. 

“Babe,” Wes said, low for Eve to hear, and she turned to look up at his eyes, “I’m gonna go pay for this, yeah?” 

“Oh okay.” She answered, nodding, and her finger began moving around to see where her bank card was. “Want my card?”

“No, no.” He leaned down and kissed her forehead, tender and gentle as if she were a china doll almost ready to burst completely into tiny dust particles, and when he was done Eve swallowed down the now almost persistent lump in her throat as he excused himself from Niko and Meriam. Meriam soon followed suit and then it was Eve and Niko, facing off in front of the sweets section. 

“So I’m dead?” Eve ask, bemused but not surprised.

“Disappeared.” He sighed. “I had told Meriam you left me and then disappeared.” Niko began scratching his mustache, and Eve wanted to do it too, before yanking it from off his face hair by hair.

“So how did you and Meriam happen?” 

“She’s an officer, she rescued me in quite the literal sense.” 

Eve scuffed before letting her yawn escape. “I’m sure she did.” She gave him a forced, tight smile. “Bye Niko.” She stepped to the side before walking away. She only made it one step past him before he gripped her forearm and spun her to him.

“What happened to you? Why?”

“What are you-” she shook loose from his grip and she was a lot closer to him that she could ever count as comfortable. “-talking about? What do you want?”

“ _ Why _ did you go with Villanelle?  _ Why _ did you break us?” 

“The way _I_ remember it, _you_ walked out on _me._ _You_ broke us.” She replied, quick and sharp. “And besides, our marriage was broken before Villanelle came anywhere near me. She just helped me realize that is all.”

Niko shook his head, the way she saw him sometimes do when he was dismissing someones stupid statement.“That doesn’t matter, I  _ loved _ you, Eve. Villanelle is incapable of that, she's sick and twisted and sadistic and that’s every bit of what you  _ aren’t _ .” He tried to caress her cheek but Eve jerked her head to the side before he could. He dropped his hand. “You’re home. This is good-”

“How?”

“We could start over, Eve. Leave Wes and I’ll leave Meriam and I’ll forgive you and Villanelle and we could go back to the way we were. Normal and happy and good.” 

Eve looked hard into Niko’s eyes, a rich dark green forest with endless trees, tall and proud to show its age, dedicated to the fight for survival, the same kind of determination that was written as clear as day all over his face. He made it sound so easy, he had painted the perfect picture that as soon as their partners were done paying for the shopping, the both of them would march hand in hand, happy to declare their reconciliation and a brand new try for their love, for their marriage. 

_ But nothing in my life will ever be easy. _

It’d be a waste of time, it’d be too painful to have to stare down the brutal truths that had emerged since Villanelle marked Eve’s life, first with a small nick and now she was an all consuming gash, the pain of their unity burned into each fragment of Eve’s soul. 

Niko’s hand came up to softly hold her elbow, his thumb stroking near it, as if coaxing  _ his _ correct response from her. His touch wasn’t comforting in the slightest, and it reminded of all the times she had endured it, the way she had never liked it, but only grew to tolerate it. 

“It’s over between us, Niko.” His gripped firmed up, and Eve tried to jerk from it once more, but to no avail. “And unless you want me to create the worst scene you’ve ever saw in your life, I suggest you let go and fuck all the way off.” 

“Villanelle really created you in her image, didn’t she. I’d be impressed if she didn’t disgust me.”

“Let. Me. Go.”

Niko let her go and she stomped out the aisle, her eyes scanning the people all walking around her, paying her no mind as she searched for the top of Wes’ close shaved head, walking to where he stood by the doors, bags in one hand while he used the other to hold the chocolate bar he was eating. “Ready to go?” 

Eve nodded and they silently walked to the car.

“Well she’s pretty.” 

“She’s  _ beautiful. _ ” Eve said in response some odd minutes later. She couldn’t say she was wrong, Meriam was a stunning woman. Her caramel skin was smooth, and had a glow to it as if nothing in her life had and never could go wrong. Her clothes clung nicely to her shapely figure, and her hijab was a soft yellow, only complementing the gorgeous gold glitter eye makeup she was wearing.

“Oh! Got a bit of a crush now do we?” Wes said, making both Eve and Lucas laugh. 

After the laughter died down, Eve resumed her window gazing and breathed a sigh of relief when the gates were opened to the car. All she needed was to climb one flight of stairs, and she was free to ignore the world for another 12 hours. Wes walked her up, and gave her the bags as he unlocked the door. 

“Wes?” Eve turned to him to ask once in the threshold.

“Yeah?” 

“Who else lives here?” 

“Well. I shouldn’t be really telling you this but-”

“ _ Wes _ !” Trevor’s booming voice startled the both of them, and Eve shut the door in response, before sliding down it, bringing her knees to her chin and digging fingers in her ears and humming really loudly. 

Time made no sense as Eve stayed there, hearing how her blood pumped furiously in her ears, the beat like feral drums, the rhythm wild, no rules applicable to its behavior. When she dared to stop, she heard nothing but silence and struggled to rise. 

She moved at a glacial pace, fighting to finish task after monumental task until she was sitting in a towel looking out the open window in her bedroom watching smoke float out and mingle and die with the snowflakes as harsh air pushed through and dried her damp hair. She’d quit again, she’d quit smoking and drinking and eating the absurd amount of chocolate and bread, and even though she knew they were all empty promises, she still clung onto them.The snow did little to hide the tops of the trees she could see sway with the wind, and whatever else was beyond it. It looked a lot like an abandoned warehouse, but she couldn’t be too sure. 

_ “Eve?”  _

_ Oksana! She’s come back, she’s here! She’s safe and she’s come to get me! _

_ Eve looked around, vast dark sea as far as her eyes could reach, but she couldn’t find her.  _

_ “Eve?” _

_ She was close,  _ so _ close, Eve could hear her loud and clear, as if she were standing next to her. But she couldn’t see her at all.  _

_ “Eve where are you?” _

_ “I’m here! Baby I’m here!” She called down, her voice travelling for miles and miles and miles but Oksana’s plea to find her was on repeat, growing louder and louder and louder until it became a constant shrill. _

_ Eve covered her ears, she couldn’t understand why Oksana was yelling at her, why they couldn’t see each other if they were so close.  _

_ “ _ _ я знаю, что ты любишь меня, и я люблю тебя тоже” Oksana was holding her, carrying her away from the sea, into a blanket of comfort in the sky where stars danced merrily and the clouds was what she was walking on. “You love me, Eve. You love me like I love you.”  _

_ Oksana was right. Eve did love her, loved her more than she was ever willing to admit, more than she could ever show in a million lifetimes.  _

_ But she couldn’t tell her, so she didn’t. _

_ Oksana looked at her and that's when Eve saw it wasn’t Oksana anymore, it was Niko, his eyes empty and his smile wicked, full of sharp teeth that gleamed brightly all on their own.  _

_ “I knew I was right.” Was all he said before letting Eve go, and she watched as the clouds grew smaller and smaller and smaller and smaller and- _

Eve jolted up, the sheets tangled around her and she struggled blindly against them, needing them off her skin immediately before she rolled too far to the left side of the bed and ultimately fell on her ass, screaming in surprise at such rapid movements. She got up and tried moving away from the bed, but her foot caught on something, and she fell face forward, her arms taking the impact of the fall that would’ve went to her face. 

Finally free, she took her time to breathe and recenter herself, and when she heard her front door unlock, she was quick to grab the blanket and wrap it around her still naked and cold body, deciding to stay on the floor even if she was freezing her ass off. 

“What happened?” Eve tried not to groan when she was forced to hear Trevor's voice. “Did you fall off the bed?” 

“Can you go? Please? We’ll discuss this in the morning.”

“‘Friad I can’t do that. Rules are rules.” 

Eve sighed, clutching the blanket harder than she already was. "Yes. I fell off the bed." 

"Tsk aw. Did we have a bad dream?" 

Eve paused, looking up at the figure at the doorway of her room. Trevor stood with one hand in his pocket and the other hand holding something that could either be a flashlight or a gun. "Yes," she sighed and winced when Trevor began to laugh. 

"To bad. You hurt?"

"No."

"All right. I'm fuckin off and Wes'll see you in the morning." 

"Fine." Eve answered through gritted teeth and Trevor continued his laugh, laughing all the way out the door.

Eve promptly relocated to her old spot on the couch. 

The next two days droned by with Eve’s only acknowledgment of the time passing being her need to turn on the lights after tearing her eyes away from the television after hours on end of non stop viewing. She lied stoic in a sea of blanket and a never ending laughing track from one show to another. Whatever aches she had she remedied with light painkillers and chocolate and water until she was forced to make dinner in the middle of the night. Sleep came and went as it so pleased and her coherent thoughts played along. 

Thursday morning came with an ache in her back and arms, an extremely dry throat, and the heaviest of hearts, and as Eve spoke with Elena to confirm an outing, along came fatigue wishing she’d just stay in. Shower, then toast, moisturize, then coffee, hair in a ponytail, then throw on clothes, coat, checking that her phone, card and list were still there, and out the door she was allowed to go, hand in hand with Wes. His eyes asked her repeatedly if she was okay, but his mouth kept the jokes coming, and soon enough the combined laughter in the car drowned out the conflicting thoughts in her head. 

They parked outside of Elena’s brownstone, and Eve’s hand rested on the handle, and that’s all it did. It just rested. 

She watched through the window as Elena opened the door, almost done getting dressed, only needing a coat and scarf. She was looking at the car, but Eve knew she couldn’t see through it. But it was almost as if she already knew Eve was outside, right there looking at her. 

She jumped when Wes lightly put his hand on her shoulder, and it took her by surprise when he began to speak softly. “We could go back if you’re tired, Eve.” 

She could. It wouldn’t be hard. She didn’t even have to speak to give the go ahead, a simple head nod was sufficient enough for Wes to tell Lucas to peel off and when she was ready she could call Elena and tell her something came up, that she had a stomach bug, that her hair didn’t dry right, that the guards didn’t have the keys and needed to quickly find a replacement before Carolyn found out. 

Eve pulled the handle. 

“I can’t keep disappointing her, Wes.” She said when she exited and Wes went around to meet her. “Good morning Elena.”

“Morning, babe.” Elena said when she climbed down the six steps and kissed both her cheeks. “New beau?” She asked as she shook Wes’ hand. 

“No, he’s taken.” Eve said, smiling at Elena’s fake pout.

“How taken?”

“An almost married man.” Wes said, showing off the thin gold band on his right ring finger. 

“And if you weren’t?” 

“Elena!” 

“Eve!” Elena mocked. “I’m just asking cause you never know!”

Wes laughed as Eve tried to cover her face of embarrassment. “Eve’s lovely, but she isn’t the one for me.” 

“Your loss,” Elena looped her arm around Eve’s and started tugging her up inside, “my gain. Let’s have some tea and then we’ll head out.”

“Sounds great.” 

Throughout tea, Wes acquainted himself quite nicely with Charlotte to the point where she began to fuss if Elena tried to carry her. As they were headed out, Elena had to strap Leta in her papoose on Wes, and it was a cute sight to see. The first place they went to was a ladies intimates boutique that Elena was obsessed with, and never had any excuse to go until Eve told her she’d like some pajamas. Wes stayed near the entrance as Eve and Elena went by rack through rack and shelf by shelf. 

“Eve.” Elena pulled her into one of the dressing rooms, closing the curtain behind them. 

“Elena I don’t think I can try this on.” Eve weakly lifted a lavender cotton long sleeve and pant pajama set she had in hand that was wrapped delicately in wide satin ribbons. 

“No, I need to ask you something.”

“Oh okay, what?” 

“Have you heard from Villanelle?” 

_ I wish. _ Eve took a breath in and shook her head no. “No. I haven’t heard anything from or about her.” 

Elena tried comforting her, reaching out and taking Eve’s free hand in hers. Eve saw a thin rose gold band with a small shimmering diamond on  _ her _ right ring finger, and as happy as she was for her, she couldn’t help but wish that for herself. “Hon, if you want I can ask Kenny. Or-or maybe Car-”

“No.” Eve sighed, waving her hand out of Elena’s grasp. “I don’t want to cause a stir so just leave it? I’m sure I’m better off not knowing about Oksana’s every move, anyway.” 

“Are you sure?”

_ No! A hundred times, a thousand times, a million times no! _ “Of course.”

“It’s just after a year together to not knowing anything about someone at all, I don’t know how I’d be able to cope.” 

“Well Elena, that’s you. I’m fine. I had a stable life before Oksana and I’ll have one after.” 

Elena looked at her, her mouth agape before she closed it and bit the corner of her bottom lip. She blinked three times before she began to nod her head in small bobs. “Maybe you’re right. Want to go to Lush after this?” 

“Sure. Is it close?”

“Yeah. Two doors down.” 

“Great. Let me get another set and then we’ll go.” 

In the end, Eve settled on two other sets, a dark blue and a butter yellow, a nice black baby tee, a seafoam green dressing gown and a pair of white slippers, along with another lavender pajama set with matching slippers for Elena. She controlled her face when the total ended up well over £200 and she feigned easiness when she handed the card over.

In Lush, Wes went back to the car with the baby because he feared “all the sparkly dust would enter her little lungs and suffocate her.” Elena, half bent over in laughter, excused him. 

“Eve, I think it’d do you some good to stay for dinner.” Elena had a bubble gum pink round ‘shower jelly’ in hand that she was lightly squishing. 

“I-...like with Kenny and-”

“See I don’t understand your hesitation with him.” Elena put down the jelly to Eve her full newly developed  _ mom look _ . She must’ve picked that up from Carolyn. “Eve you two worked great together.” 

“Yeah. That was  _ before _ I kicked him off the team, treated him like shit and then ignored him.”

“He’s willing to look  _ past _ all that! For me and the baby!”

“ _ Is he _ ? Because it surely didn’t feel like that when we first said anything to each other.”

“He was late for work, Eve. And you had-” she waved her hands in a circular motion to Eve “-whatever it was you had that you needed to stay on the couch. Not much can get done like that.”

“Well excuse me for feeling like shit after a 20 hour flight, Elena.”

“If that was some sort of an apology, Eve, it was dogshit and you know that.” 

Elena looked at her until she had to look down, looking at her flats that were doing nothing to keep her feet warm. She didn’t fully trust what Elena was saying, but at this point, she figured she knew Kenny than Eve did, and if she was saying that Kenny was in a forgiving mood, than she should be as well. “Elena I-”

“Hello ladies!” A chipper young voice came from behind Eve, and where her hand was resting at the base of a six count stack of jellies, it knocked them down to the ground, and they bounced around and away from Elena and Eve’s frantic grasps. 

“Oh my God,” Eve said, the last of the jellies in the clerks apron, pulled out as a makeshift basket, “I am so sorry.”

“It’s quite all right! I really didn’t mean to sneak up on you like that!” 

“Oh no, no, you’re fine.” Eve shoved her hands in her pockets before she could do anymore damage. 

“I’m Clementine and I’ll get Abigail to help you ladies out while I wash these off, all right?”

“That’s fine.” Eve sighed, wincing when Clementine yelled to the back of the store for Abigail to assist them. 

“I’ll handle it, yeah?” Elena tapped the little sliver of skin showing between the cuff of Eve’s coat sleeve and her pocket. “You wanted bath bombs and that was it right?” Eve nodded and was gently pushed to go wait in the car. She mouthed a thank you when Elena refused her card. 

-

Eve helped Elena with dinner while Wes entertained Charlotte, basically becoming her own personal human bouncy chair. Elena had laughed and warned Wes that that was bound to happen, and that he was going to be in it for the long haul. Elena felt like cooking goat curry, and Eve helped prepare the vegetables and seasonings. It was a lot, and Eve decided to try and commit the process to memory. Elena laughed at her midway through and just sent her a link to the recipe she found online. 

Kenny was able to get off work early at Elena’s persistence and when he got home, he took Charlotte off Wes’ hands and fed her her bottle as Eve worked to set up the table and Elena was washing some dishes before they settled down. Eve and Wes sat one side while Elena and Kenny sat at the other, Charlotte contently sitting on her father's lap. It was weird, watching Kenny hold the baby upright and the bottle being expertly kept tilted up as he ate and she drank, but it suited him. He had aged slightly since Eve saw him last, and it was almost like he had only went from young man to young dad. Wes kept the conversation flowing smoothly between him and the couple, and Eve half listened as she filled up. 

“Eve you done?” Wes asked as he was getting up to clear the table. He eyed her half full plate wearily as the three empty plates were professionally balanced on his hand and wrist. 

“I’ll take the rest to go.” Eve smiled up at him and he obviously didn’t buy it, but he took her plate anyway. 

“I’ll go make a pot of coffee.” Elena said, getting up from the table. 

“That’s fine.” Kenny said to Elena, yet he didn’t take his eyes of Eve, even when he switched the baby to his shoulder so he could burp her. “How have you been?”

“Fine.” Eve’s coat was hanging, so her hands stayed on her lap, fiddling with the cloth napkin that she put there at the beginning of the meal. “You?”

“Good.”

“Uh Elena says you were relieved when I was found and brought back?”

“Yeah.” 

“Glad I didn’t die, huh?” Eve tried laughing, but it came out as more of a half hearted  _ heh _ .

“I already knew you were alive, Eve. I just didn’t know where’d you gone.” 

“What do you mean you knew?” 

“What do you mean,  _ what do I mean _ ? I was there when they found you, I stayed and watched over you while mum cleaned up after your mess.” Kenny said this as if Eve was just supposed to know this already. Leta let out a belch and he chuckled, saying good girl, and went to rubbing her lower back in small circles. 

“Kenny. What are you talking about?”

“What? You think Villanelle shot you, repented and then rescued you? Stitched you up and gave you a blood transfusion and then took you overseas? She did nothing  _ except  _ kidnap you.” 

“No- Kenny, no-”

“She left you for dead, Eve.” 

“Kenny.” Elena lightly scolded Kenny when she put the tray down, French press coffee and three cups on saucers, milk and sugar on side dishes, the entire ensemble sterling silver and china. “Not in front of her.” Elena took the baby from his arms and gave Eve and sad and apologetic look. 

“Look.” Kenny reached for a cup, poured milk, sugar, stirred and then added his coffee. “Villanelle shot you-”

“I’m very aware of that, Kenny-”

“But she only cared about you when you lived anyway. She only cared when it was obvious she could control you.”

“She didn’t control me, she  _ res- _ ”

“She didn’t rescue you! You were a liability!” Eve’s body didn’t take to kindly to Kenny’s raise of voice, and Wes put a hand on hers from where he was sitting next to her. “She knew that after you would heal, you’d stop at  _ nothing _ to get back at her-”

“That’s not true!”

“-it is true and you need to stop pretending like it isn’t! You’d stop at nothing, nothing at all, to get back to the woman who  _ wanted to kill you _ and she knew that! She knew, like some sick moth, you’d find your way back to her. So she took her with you-”

“No-”

“-kidnapped you and went off the grid with you-”

“-Kenny-”

“-made you believe that without her you’d be dead on the ruins floors-”

“-stop-”

“-made you think that you had no other choice  _ but  _ to stay with her-”

“-lies, no-”

“-and I’m right because look at you.” Kenny pointed to what Eve could only guess was a broken version of herself, fingernails digging painfully into her palm, tears collecting in pools on her jumper, a woman on the verge of breaking beyond repair unable to breathe properly. “She brainwashed you into thinking she loved you.”

“She  _ does _ love me, Kenny.”

“Villanelle doesn’t  _ love _ people. She  _ loves _ the idea that you were always,  _ always _ , so willing to hand your life over to her as if there weren’t any people who cherished it.” 

“You-?”

Kenny stood up from the table, shaking his head in disbelief. “The people who loved you were always right there in front of you, Eve. But because Villanelle could give you new, shining, excitement, than we matter as well have been dogshit.

“Good night, Eve.” Kenny left the dining room, and not even a few moments, Eve heard as he made his way up the stairs. 

“I want to go the flat.” Eve sniffed, and a tearful goodbye later, she was on her way.

The bags lay on the floor by the coffee table where Wes had dropped them, a Tupperware stuffed with goat curry and rice resting on the glass center. She was in the dark, replaying the fight in her head, hands clasped together in between her open legs. 

She tried to fit what Kenny was saying into the empty spaces of her mind that was the time between Rome and getting on that boat in the coast. It made sense, or at least it was  _ supposed _ to, it was  _ supposed _ to fill in the gaps, but it didn’t and Eve wasn’t sure if it was because she wasn’t trying hard enough to make it fit or if it was because she simply didn’t want to. 

She fumbled around in the dark to find her phone, when she once was grateful for the deep pockets, she found it a curse when she had to pull out napkin after napkin and receipt after receipt to get to it. 

“Kenny.”

‘ _ Eve. _ ’

“Hi.” 

‘ _ Hi, Eve. _ ’

“Uh, do you know where I am?”

‘ _ Yeah, I remember where you’re staying. _ ’ 

“Well how soon can you get here?”

‘ _ Eve, I have a family now, I can’t just up and leave for whatever reason. _ ’

“Yes, I know but. Please?” 

‘ _ Fine. I’ll be there in half an hour. _ ’

“Thank you.” 

‘ _ Bye, I’ll see you soon. _ ’

“Okay bye.”

Twenty minutes later Eve’s door got pounded on by none other than Trevor the Terror and she stiffly walked down with him to the front door of the building where Kenny stood, casual in a sweatsuit and trainers. 

“I’ll leave you two crazy kids alone.” 

“He has a fiance.” 

“That’s supposed to mean something?” Trevor responded before turning and heading back up. 

Eve stepped outside, looking up and trying to find the stars she found comfort in during one of those lonely nights. She couldn’t see any of them, couldn’t even let her mind conjure up an image to try and project. She yawned as her eyes fell, to the reality in front of her, of the dead cobblestone courtyard, of the matching wall and the iron fence that was kept watch. 

She turned back to where Kenny stood, watching her. “Want one?” She pulled out her carton, down to two. 

Kenny took one and she lit them both. “I try not to do it near Charlotte.”

“She’s beautiful.”

“Yeah.” A deep exhale and Eve followed suit. “I was scared she was gonna look like me.”

“Ah, that wouldn’t have been so bad.” Kenny looked at her and Eve laughed then coughed. “Okay, maybe you’re right.”

“Wanna sit?”

“Sure.” 

Close to Kenny, sitting at the little raised edge of the bottom of the doorway, silently smoking away, Eve could almost pretend that this was normal. That this was just a normal Thursday evening where she was thankful for another day of meaningless work that pushed her one day closer to a weekend she was guaranteed to spend in her underwear or nothing at all. 

“I’m sorry.” 

“For what?”

“For shoving you out the way when you were just looking out for me.” Eve crushed her cigarette under her foot. She’d need boots soon. “For proving you right.” She said in a quieter voice. 

“You know we were all surprised to find you alive.”

“Really?” Eve turned to look at him, saw how his cig was burning on its own, almost close to the butt. Kenny was looking straight out, past the fence and gate, past it all. 

“Well. I was, mum wasn’t. I guess she knew Villanelle didn’t have it in her.”

“And if she did?”

Kenny turned to look at her, letting his cigarette fall to the ground. “Than I guess she’d just prove mum wrong.” 

Eve watched Kenny moments longer than he watched her, and he brought one leg up to rest his chin on while the other remained outstretched. Eve’s legs were outstretched and she moved the right leg from resting on top of her left to just staying by it. “Where is she?”

Kenny flicked his eyes from center to his right, where Eve was, before settling back to the sight in front of him. “Do you have anymore?”

“No.”

“Mhm.” He yawned, and as much as Eve fought it, she yawned too. “What happened in Alaska?”

They switched viewing positions, and Eve tried to look beyond the very visual representation of being separated from the world that she once had the choice to explore so freely, and instead became stuck in a never ending loop of similarity. 

“Alaska was…”  _ everything I didn’t know I needed until it was taken away from me.  _ “Cold. Dark. Snowy, rainy-”

“Well obviously.”

“But I was able to create my own world. I was who I choose to be and I did what had to be done but in my own way, for me. Oksana did the same thing. She did what had to be done for her and together we just  _ worked _ . We were like those 5,000 piece jigsaw puzzles, but the edge pieces were missing. We were two people who were able to come in the middle and survive.”

“Did you really love her?” 

What was love to a psychopath? In theory, love was a made up thing by some man who wanted his vision of soul mates to thrive economically and the market soared to this very day. So  _ could _ someone like Oksana feel love that she was given like a normal human? Or was the image screwed into something that at the end of the day resulted in death? And could Eve give love, or did  _ she _ have a warped sense of what it meant to love someone? 

“Do you really think she controlled me?” Eve turned to face him, and she felt the energy shift, that it was no longer the illusion of two co workers shooting the shit after work, but the very real fact that she was being held, and Kenny was one of the string holders. 

“Yeah, actually. In her own way-”

“Kenny I am a grown adult and I am more than capable of making my own decisions.”

“Are you?”

Eve swallowed, looked up and cursed the skies for not having stars. She tried to run her hands through her hair, but it was still tied back, and instead her hands landed palm first on the concrete, the dirt digging into her palms along with the cold. “Kenny what am I doing here?”

“You’re being held so Vill-”

“No I  _ know _ , but what am I doing  _ alive _ ? Why am I not dead in those ruins? Wouldn’t it have been easier?” She looked at him like Kenny, a twenty something newly made father to the baby of her best friend, was supposed to have all the answers. 

“What?” And Kenny looked at her shocking her back in reality. He didn’t have any of the answers, and neither did anyone else. 

The blatant harsh truth was no one could have any of the answers to the questions she had in mind. She didn’t know why Oksana shot her, she didn’t know why she wasn’t shot dead. She doesn’t know what happened after she was shot, and with the information she still was trying to accept, she didn’t know why it didn’t make complete sense. She didn’t know to who’s mercy her life was in and she didn’t know for how long. 

“Nevermind.” Her mind had worked itself up to such a frenzy that it was lagging, her body needed rest that only a coma could give her. Kenny helped her up the stairs, and Trevor sniggered as Kenny helped Eve down to the couch, even if he probably crushed a bath bomb or two. 

“Tell Elena goodnight for me.”

“Are you sure I’m not telling her goodbye?”

Eve smiled, even though there wasn’t anything to smile about. “No, it's goodnight.”

“Right. Good night, Eve.” Kenny slipped out the door, and Eve stayed up for a half an hour more, ordering stick on stars, enough to cover the entire ceiling with. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the patience if you're still following the story, you're the greatest.  
> A/N (you can skip it, it's just a small whine) so usually when I post a chapter I have the next finish and in need of improvements/corrections, but I've decided to post this one now because I don't think I've went ten days between chapters. I'm going to try to get the next one up two weeks from now and the one after that two weeks later. Wish me luck!


	8. When In R...ussia?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "To fight for yourself or to fight for the one you know you love, _that_ is the question." -Shakespeare right?

After separating from Eve, Oksana went to the back where she was before. She looked out the window, watching the shops and people pass by; a world on the other side of the window that she would soon consume, take from the inside out. She yawned absentmindedly and tuned out the conversation going on between Carolyn and Konstantin. They were facing each other, each sitting by a window, and yet their energy spoke as if they were sitting thigh to thigh. 

It was weird seeing them _like that_ , so fiercely intimate they could create their own bubble, forcing everyone they kept out to watch because they were that electrifying. 

The car pulled up in front of a Chinese restaurant, and when Oksana tried to get out, following the other two, Konstantin told her to stay put. 

“Why?” She was bent, looking at him while he stood right outside the van. Carolyn had already gone inside. 

“Because we will be back in a few minutes.”

“Why should I trust you now?” 

“Do you have another choice?” 

Oksana sat back down when the door was slammed in her face. 

She climbed up to the front where the driver was and asked for a pen. He laughed at her face, and she stayed near him, flicking his ear until he relented. When she went back to her seat, she began scribbling on the back of the cloth seat. 

Minutes later, only Konstantin returned and the driver pulled off. 

“Where’s Carolyn?” 

He turned to look at her, and in his haste, she heard his neck crack. “Come here,” he patted the empty seat next to him, “sit with me.” She noticed two passports in his hand when she did, and she waited for him to explain. “Carolyn won’t be coming with us. It’d draw to much attention for her to leave the country the same day she returned.”

“Where am I going?”

“You are Dulma Ivanov returning home to Siberia to stay with your uncle Alban because your student visa has expired.” He handed her a passport, along with a boarding pass and 500 Rubles separated in bills of 100’s.

“What happened to Katrina?” 

“Died of a fatal asthma attack this morning.”

“In the middle of the winter?” 

Kontsantin turned from his view out the window to look at her momentarily. “It got to cold for her.” 

She slumped back, still watching him with the turn of her head“Why Siberia?” 

Konstantin looked at her one more time and she turned her head back because she already knew. 

-

Siberia didn't impress her, immediately, nor did it intimidate her, but she didn't expect either when they reached Yekaterinburg some eight hours later. 

Konstantin slept for most of the flight, and she sort of understood why considering he had to flag her down three times while they were waiting to board at the Gatwick airport. She slept for a little under half and had to be woken up which annoyed Konstantin and she didn't understand _that_. Two flights in the span of two days is enough to kill even the strongest of wills. 

During the drive to Ural, Konstantin tried talking to her, telling her that everything would be fine, and by the end of the trip she'd be back to normal and probably even thanking him. 

"It's a trip for you, not for me." She finally bit back after his fourth attempt at giving her some herbal mess of a tea.

"Villanelle. This isn't going to be a trip for me. I'll be with you every step of the way."

She looked at him, _really_ looked at him, taking in the way the clouds had broken so some sun could shine light at the way he looked almost the same way she had left him. He looked a little rejuvenated, like the time they had spent apart had _helped_ rather than hurt. It really went with the way that she'll never mean as much to him like he means to her. 

"Will you be doing what I'll be forced to do?"

"No one is forcing you to do this." 

"So if I leave now, will I get everything I was promised by the end of the job?"

"Of course not."

"So will you do what I do while we're here?"

"No."

"So than it _is_ a trip. You can go whenever you please."

"That isn't true."

"Oh? What _things_ did Carolyn promise if you do this?" She leaned closer to him, able to smell the way the fume of the tea rolled out of his mouth and into the stiff cold air of the old car.

"Nothing. The head instructor promised to castrate me if you kill any of his men."

"So you're pretending to be a babysitter?" 

"I am not _pretending_." 

Oksana smiled at him, watching as his eyes told her _don't be naughty_ before she straightened herself out and returned to her side, watching as the welcome sign grew larger and larger.

Yekaterinburg had its charm, its wit, Oksana remembered the few times she was able to visit before she was thrown in jail. Little tea shops that catered the on the go and old people who move slower than glacial ice. Book stores that were easy to get lost in, seemingly having everything you didn't know you were even interested in. It snowed, heavy, like Alaska, but that slowed no one down, and instead highlighted the good features of anyone whose age showed. 

This city was never one that offered much in terms of staying long term, soon all the tea shops were the same, it snowed the same, the bookstores were easy paths that offered nothing new, the men and women seemed to even look indistinguishable. 

Carla, however, was a more than lovely welcoming vision of change. 

Carla was white, which wasn't surprising, a born and true Russian bitch who looked like anything that wasn't a protein shake or vodka disgusted her. Her thick black hair was pinned back into a low bun, and towering over her slightly with shoulders and muscles rivaling that of the worlds strongest man, Oksana knew her _fun_ had only just begun. 

Her house, tiny, like a one bedroom flat fit for a minimalist was made into its own home, was a few minutes off the base where the welcome sign was. The door was wide open and it smelled heavily of orange blossom, but the scent was overwhelming and sickening. Oksana sat on a metal chair next to a table with a butterfly needle still in its packaging along with 11 tubes with different colored silicone bands and labels in sloppy handwriting in her native tongue. She never broke eye contact with the lady of the house, and she felt as Konstantin stood behind her. He put a hand on her shoulder and she shook him off before glaring at him. He backed up a step. 

Carla went to the side of the table, pushing it back, before taking one look at her shirt. She stared at the shirt, before looking at Oksana, and she wondered what Carla would do. She could see her roughly taking it off, and fought the smile trying to form on her lips. 

"Can you take that off?" She instead said in a light Welsh accent, and she already knew she had an easier time hiding her surprise than Konstantin. 

"Sure." Was the last word the group heard before they heard the rustle of her shirt coming off and going on her lap. 

She stuck her hand out and Carla found her vein, wiped it clean and slowly put the needle in. They both watched it break the skin, and they shared a look before the first tube got connected, exchanging words with their eyes. 

"So you're from here, yeah?" Carla was the first to break the silence after the first tube quickly filled up.

"No."

"Oh. Thought you were. You're coming from America?"

"Yes." They were on the fourth tube. Oksana was busy taking in Carla's indifferent features while she was focused on carefully changing the tubes.

"Had a friend who lived over there, I say, their lives are awfully fucked around there. There's no joy over there, no love, no _anything._ I don't think I'd ever survive living there for any reason, I don't know how you did it." 

Ninth tube.

"I had ways." 

Tenth tube.

"Honestly, it's beautiful, but it's gross-" eleventh tube.

"Are we done here?" 

Carla stopped talking, the tube carefully removed and put down alongside the other ones resting on a metal tray with felt on it. She didn't say anything as she slowly slid the needle out of Oksana's arm, and didn't say anything when she left it on the table and went in search of the plasters she'd forgotten. Oksana watched as the little spot of blood grew and grew until it was big and heavy enough to roll down her outstretched arm and continue to gain traction.

"Right well." Carla was harsh when she put the plaster on her arm and pulled her up by her elbow. "I still need your weight, height and we need to do the walking test so strip down." 

Konstantin coughed and when Oksana turned to face him, he gestured towards the open door.

"Konstantin!" He stopped at the doorway, the hefty wind lifting whatever hairs on his head to his face. She picked up the shirt and held it out to him, her arm completely outstretched. "Take this home with you." 

She knew what she meant, and she knew that he knew it as well. _Take it to her._ She was saying, take it to the only home I've ever known and ever will know. He stepped forward, gripping it, his fist under hers, and before his mouth said anything, his eyes said it all. 

"I won't be going home. I'll wait for you to be finished." He tugged once and she let go, letting her arm go limp by her side, the backside of her hand hitting the metal chair. 

He had left, and she continued to watch the doorway with no door, the dirt road seemed endless from where she stood, but she knew it she angled herself just so she could see the car, and behind it, the way the road stretched upward into a bend. 

"Can we begin? Or do you need another moment with your man?" 

She turned back to Carla and stripped without another word being exchanged between them. She hurried to fold and place her clothes on top of the chair, and when she stood up straight, she felt how tight her nipples were from the cold. Carla gave a low whistle and led her to the room where there was a height chart, a scale under it, and a treadmill with equipment attached to it. 

“Why did I have to get naked again?” Oksana was up against the chart, the metal bar tightly pressed on the crown of her head. 

Carla shrugged, writing down her measurements on a piece of paper clipped to a board. “Keeps things interesting. Ready for the test?” Her tone was clipped, cold, but not the result of Oksana speaking out of place while getting her blood drawn. 

Her test went as expected, and when they exited the room, Oksana turned to the living room where her clothes were. Carla grabbed her arm, pulling her to the basement. 

It was musty and dark in the basement, the only slivers of light that could be found were the stray rays that were quickly fading from the outside that leaked into the stairwell. From that Oksana could see the armless chairs, the bicycle chains and the ropes and other instruments that she remembered their uses in vivid detail; she’s used them and had been used by them and only one of those kinds of situations didn’t make her worry. 

“Ready to start?”

“Do I get to choose how to start?” She wrapped her arms around her ribs, hugging herself slightly. Carla raised an eyebrow, amused.

“Oh sure!” Her voice went up an octave, her hands flying out her pants pockets and gripping her own hips. “Did you want the pink fuzzy handcuffs or the tummy tickler?” 

She sniffed unwillingly, the result of the cold settling in deep. “Fuck off.” 

A swift hard punch to the right side of her jaw followed by an attempt of one of her own led her to have Carla’s hands gripping her neck tightly. Her hands gripped and clawed at the wrists, but with the menacing smile painted on her face was any indicator of progress, it only showed that she wasn’t letting up anytime soon. “You first.” She scowled, and she knew she was in for the long haul. 

-

When Konstantin first heard Eve had been shot by Villanelle, he couldn’t say he was entirely surprised. He wasn’t surprised when she was found and was hospitalized; severe concussion, mild amnesia, a nearly ripped artery, bruised arms and hips, and enough blood loss that had she been found that night, Eve would be no more.

He also wasn’t surprised when she was kidnapped soon after. 

He worried not of how Villanelle would get the two of them out the situation they dug themselves in, nor of how they would even escape the country, but mostly for Eve, for when Villanelle eventually got bored of her and started up the game they were in, a game that Eve never signed up for, nor started, but could never finish. 

Shitty monopoly of some sorts. 

What Carolyn and Kenny were all worried about, about where they had gone, if they were alive, if they’d be the perfect fit for the operation, he wasn’t. It helped being him, being old with his connections that were just as old as him -grandpas and grandmas that their family had forgotten about, letting them keep their ears to the ground- helped alleviate the aches the stress of it all caused. He knew that all he needed to know was that Eve was dead, and he was ready to swoop in and get Villanelle back, before America got to her, making her international news and taking the mess she’d no doubt create and smear it everywhere. 

Being with her, every step of the way, wasn’t needed, she could handle what was being given, and everyone involved was trained to the highest degree in everything she was good at, everything that was needed. He didn’t need to be there, sitting in the back seat of the warm car with her shirt across his lap, listening to the rumble of the old engine and the harsh wind, swaying them carefully side by side. 

He wasn’t needed, but he _wanted_ to be there. It had been an intriguing experience the first time around, watching as she honed the scrawny, amateur skills she had, and developed the skills she was destined to have, watching her as if she were a phoenix rising from the ashes of society trying to break her to be normal, to be _right_ , when Villanelle could never be that. He _wanted_ that feeling again, _wanted_ Villanelle to come back from the dormant life of domesticity that she had folded and forced herself into, become the vicious woman that could only be contained with money and clothes and champagne and _good job_ ’s for so long before she ran the risk of getting eliminating. He wanted to see her become the woman who would run to the line that pissed off the bosses before laughing, high pitched and artificial, collect her earnings and strut back to the place she carved out for herself, gearing up to run to the line again and again and again, knowing she was far too valuable to everyone to be removed permanently. 

“Как вы думаете, она собирается выжить Карла? Это было в то время.” The driver, who’s name he couldn’t bother to remember, asked around his straw. He was drinking something green, and Konstantin fought to not slap it out of his hands. 

Instead he turned and watched the house, knowing it would be another week before she’d be released. Any earlier and they’d be in far bigger problems. She’d survive, she had reason to; it was beyond him, beyond her, beyond Eve, it was the warped reality that awaited them in Alaska and the expectancy that it’d all come crashing down, wait for Eve to break and she’d be there to pick up the pieces, glue them back in the order she desired, have her to be the forever playmate. 

“She’ll be fine.” 

-

When she was finally able to stumble out of the stupid shack, muscles aching so harshly they ached to the point where using them was futile, with a throat so dry that when she tried to swallow the meek tomato soup, it hurt and she couldn’t finish the half bowl. When her cracked feet, covered in socks and boots that made them wail, touched the frozen ground, she didn’t have a second or a third thought before her knees fell to join her feet, her hands soon following. She felt when she was helped up, a person per arm, and when her body was folded into the warm car, she didn’t know if she wanted to cry from the sensation of warmth and softness or cry for her muscles. 

“Who-” her cough, deep, burning her throat and jostling her stomach came suddenly. But Konstantin knew what she meant, able to tell her that up next was combat training with a man named Petrov. Phlegm gathered at the back of her throat, and even with her eyes closed, she was able to shoot it so it landed square on his chest. 

“Villanelle-” 

“Quiet. I need time to plan your death.”

“Your threats have gotten dramatic.” 

The driver laughed, snickering around the toothpick being held by his lips. She turned to view Konstantin then, watching as he wiped the spit with a handkerchief, and her eyes lowered to where her shirt rested between them, still folded in the way she had given it to him. 

“That wasn’t a threat.”

-

Konstantin had known Albin Petrov from the time that he was thrown out of the Russian Armed Forces for being a dangerous Major General, beating those beneath him and collecting bribes to deliberately sell off trade secrets so that battles can last longer. He was a brilliant man, trained to the highest and most respectable degrees of all forms of hand to hand combat, however, his ultimate downfall was what he considered his greatest strength. At the end of the day, he was still a man.

They met at a bar, where Konstantin was having a hard time trying to track down a potential recruit, when Albin bumped into him, spilling his beer down the front of Konstantin’s coat. He had laughed it off, it was an old and fairly hideous coat that his wife had fished out of some shit hole, and had accepted when Albin offered him a drink. One drink turned into five, and the two were laughing as if they had been friends since they were young. He admitted he had read about Albin’s dismissal in the paper and five drinks turned into eight before Albin began spilling _why_ he had done it.

“Of course there is money in training boys to be men, and yes there is money in battle, but there is too short of a time in both. Expand the _time,_ expand the _money_.” 

A sixth, and final, drink, was all it took to solidify that indeed this man, could serve him great purpose in life. 

Nowadays, though, Albin was an older man, the kind that contented himself with playing cards with the local bar flies, and screwing over women who were too jaded to his masochism and the way that alcohol clung to his very essence of being a human. It wasn’t hard asking him to do the favor of shaping of his recruit, and he was grateful when Albin showed he could sharpen up for the task. 

Konstantin did, however, fail to mention that his recruit was a woman. 

Like Villanelle’s patience for disgusting men, there was no God he could pray too, and he simply could do nothing but hope that she wouldn’t choke him to death. He looked over at her, after he was done cleaning up the _gift_ she had so graciously given him, watching as her breathing had calmed and her face and hands weren’t so red, saw how at peace she looked as she slept, and sought comfort that his neck was to damn meaty.

-

Albin Petrov was a disgusting man. 

It's why all his relationships had failed and all his kids decided it was better to not reclaim a father in their lives than to deal with him. It was why he was kicked out and disgraced from the service. It was why all those above him and below him knew that even killing him with their bare hands meant nothing. It was why all he had left in the world was his liquor, his muscle memory of physical fighting, and Konstantin. 

Konstantin was a good man. 

An unusual man, but a good one nonetheless. 

He had a wife and child that he cared for, a job that could kill him from the stress alone that he somehow found enjoyment in, and a survivable pension plan in six countries. He drank only in social occasions, ate whatever he fancied in moderation, and dressed nice enough that he was automatically assumed to be someones kind old grandfather that had killed before, but only out of necessity. 

There was no need to admit it, or show it, or hint at it in any kind of way, but it was a nice feeling to know that a man like Konstantin was there, semi in his corner. They had quick chats once every two months, and Konstantin liked to send snacks that couldn't be found within a fifty kilometer radius from his home deep in the mountain base area. He distanced himself from acknowledging the other man, sure, and he reasoned it was because Albin Petrov had no friends because at his age what _bastard_ needed friends, but really it was because it better him have a target on his back than Konstantin.

He was provided with some sort of new purpose to keep breathing, to be the man who was lucky enough to be able to definitively call Konstantin a good friend; to be able to have him in good enough graves that when it was inevitably time to die than at least one person would be there watching his disgusting body get lowered into the earth, so that he may serve some good purpose, and nourish it. So when he was called upon for a small favor -combat training of a new trainee- there was no reason to say no, or to even hesitate to say yes. All he was told was in two days time the new trainee would be in his front yard, and when they were ready, Albin was to call for Konstantin to pick them up.

Everything was left to Albin's discretion, and he definitely didn't argue that; he did in fact lead a successful army, so he knew what he was doing, even if it had been close to ten years already. He stood waiting by the window of the shitty home he had built himself, where the roof leaked and shook constantly, where there was no insulation anywhere, where the floorboards were older than time himself and splintered and cracked, watching and awaiting the arrival of Konstantin and the new trainee. He had hell planned, brutal hell, because anyone under Konstantin had to be strong like him, and he knew how to make the weak strong.

A storm was brewing, quick and soon, and training would happen outside, for God to watch as He pelted His bastard of a creation with wind and sharp rain and snow and bitter cold. His hands were being wrung behind his back, and he breathed in the air that Konstantin had given him, the responsibility of making this person go from good to great, and he knew his last task in the world would be to leave them with his skills, make them better than he was.

The car pulled up, an early 2000's town car, and he was a little tickled that his dear friend chose to be toted around like a puppy in a purse. He watched as he left the car, a little clumsily, watched as he went around to the other side to open the other passenger door, and when what he presumed was the trainee stepped out, scowling at the Konstantin and the expansive mountain, his smile widened at the endless possibilities of turning this woman from good to _immaculate_.

-

Petrov was a _disgusting_ man.

Oksana hated him the moment her eyes focused on him after he left his shit house.

His white shirt stained with splatters of food, spit and maybe blood accompanied holes of all different sizes around his middle. His basketball shorts -seriously? basketball shorts?- were to tight around his waist but hung pathetically around his thighs. His house slippers revealed his big toe. And yet he wore all this with his thin hair sticking in all kinds of directions, and it was clear he only cared about his _face_ , for it was virtually free of acne and the two scars he, one horizontally above his left eyebrow, the other down the middle of the same cheek, wasn't raised, just prominent. 

He wore a huge smile, all of his stupid teeth there and in place, and she stood behind Konstantin, not for her sake, but really for _his_. Her muscles were still sore, still waking up and groaning with each moment, she felt her lips split and bleed with each twitch of them, and her fingers gripped the back of Konstatin’s open coat. 

“добро пожаловать дорогие друзья в мой скромный дом” Petrov stopped short of the two of them, his arms outstretched as he gestured to his ‘home’. “пожалуйста, приходите в мисс.” He smiled at her, and she wanted to cut his lips from his face.

“She doesn’t speak the language anymore.” She could feel the vibrations of his words on his back, even through where her knuckles were pressed above all his layers. 

Petrov smiled, joyless, with malice and a foul air of faux innocence. “Ребенок. A traitor to your mother?”

“Albin.” Konstantin addressed him, reaching behind him to grab Oksana’s wrist and pull her to his side. “Train her. Give her back in one piece. That is all.” Albin nodded his head once, his smile never wavering, though he changed his stance from having his folded hands in front of him to behind him. 

Konstantin turned away from him to embrace her, hugging her even though she didn’t hug him back. “Don’t kill him.”

He still held onto his arms as he pushed her away from his body, and he looked _tired_ somehow, as if the past hour had worn him back down to who he was before Rome, maybe even worse. “I’ll save his when they take yours.”

“Don’t be disgusting.” 

He was swift to turn them so that her back was to Albin, and even quicker to turn her to Petrov. A small push forward and Konstatin was back in the warm safety of the car. 

She crossed her arms across her chest and a cock of her hip and the facade that Petrov wasn’t trying to uphold fell through; he showed what she perceived would be the man that had no problem beating the shit out of her and leaving her out in the cold, calling her weak when she was at the brink of death. “So? What now, hmm?”

“Why don’t we share some _shie postnie_?” His eyes pointed her in the direction of the house. Cabbage and potato soup wasn’t exactly filet mignon and roasted potatoes with rosemary and garlic with a side of bechamel sauce, but it also wasn’t tea from week old used tea leaves and crusty bread. 

“And after we eat?”

“We _fight._ ”

-

Albin hoped she knew that when he had said it was time to fight, he meant it. 

He didn’t care what she was fighting for, but he was fighting out all that he’s kept in throughout the years, a last ode to who he was.

She was strong, resilient, and even though she had came in dry, starved, tired, she was still hard to break, bounced back with an equal vengeance. He allowed her to wrap her hands once, and thought that a week would be suffice, but accepting he was wrong gave him more fuel to his fire. She was _already_ skilled, without him, without knowing what he knows, what he went through to have all the combat styles burned on his brain. He’d strike and she’d strike back twice as her and he’d strike her _four_ times as hard. The storm passed by quickly, but not as quick as the two bowls of soup she ate without much thought. 

He watched her throughout it all, and noticed that she was fighting with the same intention he was fighting, but at the other end of the spectrum. WIth every hit, he felt her heart, another beat that pumped blood from it to her arms to her legs. With every yell was passion she couldn’t show, with every spray of spit that was forced out of her was more fuel to _her_ fire. 

At night, while she was allowed to close her eyes for two hours on the living room floor, he stayed in his bed wondering what he did to deserve such a worthy opponent, in order to know what good deed he had done to garner the chance to have his eyes opened to a new prospect at life. 

Outside on the last day, when it looked as if she was bored with being with him, he sat her down instead. 

The clouds above moved languidly, and the wind blew past with a sweet kiss, each thin strand of his hair being lifted and then let go. She sat crossed legged in front of him, her hands supporting her head, her elbows placed on her knees. 

It was cute how bored she looked. 

“Oksana, yes?” She bristled at her name. He hadn’t used it the entire time, nor her new name, but instead other _variations_. “Foreigner, guest, stranger. Heh. Very fitting.” She went back to looking bored. So she’d heard this before. “My name has meaning too you know.”

“ _Congratulations_.”

“Oksana you hurt me-”

“Good.”

“-you didn’t even ask the meaning of my name.” 

“Because I don’t _care_.” She sat up straight, before placing her hands behind her and gently relaxing a smidge. Her shirt was tattered in the front, and he wondered if she cared; cared that she’d need a new outfit, cared that he could see the blooming bruise he had left on the left side of her chest plate when he caught her off guard the day before.“It’s a stupid name.”

“It’s a _good_ name, with a very good me-”

“It means _white_. There’s nothing good or special about it.”

“Ah yes there is, it means it fits me!” And he began to laugh, hearty sounds that ripped through his dry abused throat, the echo of it booming around them. “And you didn’t get it!” It was hard to keep his eyes open, to see what she looked like, watching him laugh at her. “Because you’re so stupid!” He didn’t remember when was the last time he had laughed so hard, but he did remember when he was last choked. 

Oksana let her body react before any rationale kicked in, allowed her body to lunge at his throat and hold it firm and in an ever growing grip. She knew she had to be good, knew Konstantin would get upset and retaliate himself, but that would happen in the future. Right now she was more concerned with the way Petrov looked at her, had locked eyes with her, the hunger to die in his eyes matching her need to kill him clashing fiercely while inches apart. 

“That’s it. Do it. Kill me; stupid girl.” He forced out in between his labored breaths, and she wanted to, could feel the growing need deep in the pits of her core just as he was showing his. 

“You’d liked that, wouldn’t you?” 

She leaned closer, her grip weakening little by little, until her hand was left to rest on his throat, while his hands that had been holding her wrists, lowered. She watched as he became a defeated man; a broken man who knew he had nothing else to offer the world, and knew all that was left for him to do was to simply rot away. There was energy left in him, but only enough for him to get his one last wish: to die quickly in the span of minutes instead of wasting away, melting into an old chair and watch the years roll by, not caring if he’s rolling with it or not. 

Her lips parted, her eyes darting from his deep near black wells holding behind the many things they had seen and wished they never had to see again, and she moved back to look at his lips, watched as he parted his ever so slightly. She leaned impossibly closer to him, could smell everything his wretched breath had to offer, could hear him swallow deep inside himself, leaning harder against his groin. “You don’t deserve it.”

The car pulled up behind her, and she was quickly pulled off, not having it in her to fight whoever’s arms were around her middle. 

Watching from the car, the driver in his seat, she pointed her head to the view from Konstantin’s window, looking but not really taking in the sight of the two men having a rapid fire discussion. 

“Do you know where I am going next?” The air was thick, hard to breathe in, wishing the man would cut the heat for some moments. Wasn’t petrol expensive? What a waste.

“And what do I get if I tell?”

She kicked -well it came off as more of a harsh nudge- his seat and that set him off to laughing. She had just enough patience in her to tolerate one more man’s laugh, and after she definietly was going to commit a bloody murder. “You’re useless.”

“More useful than you.” 

She let him savor the moment.

Grateful as she was to leave the dreaded mountain, she hated to know that the only chance she ever got to visit it was to deal with shit people. 

“He wanted to die.” Once they had hit main roads, Oksana had sunk further into her seat, trying to find a position she was comfortable. Konstantin’s useless words helped none. 

“Then he commits suicide.” 

“That little boy? In the hospital some time ago, ah what was his name? Gaston? Gavin? Ga-” 

“Gabriel!” She groaned, sitting back up, taking her hair down before tying it back up. It was thinning, she could tell, and soon she’d take money from his wallet so Konstantin can also really _feel_ how much he was stressing her out. “He was crying, saying he wanted to die. So I gave him his wish.” _He did nothing wrong._ She thought. _He had no family left, no hope left, no one close to him that can comfort him for the rest of his life the way he needed_. 

“Just like that?” He had a smile on his face, just by the tone of his voice she could tell, and when she turned to scowl at him, there it was front and center.

“You’re surprised because you claim to know me so well when you don’t.” She turned back around to look out her window just in time to see the gates of a university open and she groaned, trying her hardest to slouch back down. “This again?”

“Yes. Alban got concerned for the education of his dear niece, and enrolled her to stay in university, studying the sciences and humans.”

“We’re _still_ doing that? How long have I’ve been inactive?”

“ _Dulma_ hasn’t been inactive, in fact just the other day she went to the cinema.” 

-

Siberian Federal University was a fair college, Oksana had to suppose, though it’d be nicer if the woman leading them to where she’d be sleeping would throw her shoes into the nearest body of water and shut up. Classes and study groups were in session, so the halls were quiet with the exception of her and Konstantins boots, and the ever persistent click of the dormitory aid’s heels. 

“What will I gain from all of this?” She wasn’t paying attention to what the other woman was saying at this point, not that she had even bothered to begin to do so, but it was important to her that she made sure this woman knew that she was absolutely unhappy to be here. 

“Well hopefully, quite a bit. Your uncle made sure to get you in.”

“And?” 

“Not many students get that chance so late in the semester.” She turned left at the end of the hall they were in, entering a hallway, walking for some time, passing pictures of the current president, of men working on the building, on art pieces and other projects from past students. At the end of the hallway, they entered one of the dorm halls, and the second suite to her left was where they stopped. “And this is us.”

“Isn’t there supposed to be someone else here?” The room was dark, bare, but holding onto the last remnants of life, as if someone _was_ here, and had been quickly ushered a while ago, it may have been that morning or the night before, she couldn't say. 

“They’ve chosen to leave us. A shame. They were such bright students.”

“They?” 

“Yes. We keep two, sometimes three, students per room. But there is no one else but you now. You’re lucky. Because no one new will be coming any time soon, you have the room all to yourself for the remainder of your stay. Here’s your rota, and I’ll leave you two to it!” She went back to the academic side and left was Oksana and Konstantin, both refusing to enter the room or even break eye contact with each other. 

“You should take a look at that.” 

She did.

It was an intense rota, and knowing the amount of money being poured into her, it was also one of a kind. She had five classes a day; philosophy, general history, physical education, biophysics and the study of art. All broad topics, all 2 hours long. Oh. So _this_ was there real torture. 

“There will be no seduction of teachers at any time.” He interjected. “We made sure all were blonde hair _men_.”

“So you believe murder is better than seduction?”

Konstantin pet her head once, pushing her lightly into the room. He flicked the lights on and told her she already all the modern college kid essentials, from colorful pens to comfortable bedding and snacks that were too much for the tight budget of the students around her, and international snacks that couldn’t be found anywhere else. 

“I thought you would be in this with me?” She sat, miserable and tired, on the only single bed in the room. She was given a break, classes would start the next day, but ten hours wasn’t sufficient to talk herself into following the program. 

“I have things to do, Villanelle.” He bent down to gently kiss the top of her head, wiping it away before she had the chance to. “I’ll be here when you are finished. Now shower, eat, rest, tomorrow is a big day.” He nodded once to himself and let himself out, closing the door firmly behind him. 

She flopped back onto the bare bed and accompanying pillow, and only followed one of his three suggestive points, closing her eyes with the strong light on and the paper she’d have to follow for an entire month on her chest under her hand. 

She had woken up that night, apparently in time for dinner, but she wasn’t interested in heading to the dining area and dealing with masses of the starved and the motivated. She was hungry, sure, but she could always head off campus, search for something in the surrounding city that was more of her taste. She missed the taste of warm ciabatta with pesto and fresh mozzarella, tomato fresh from the vine on top. Maybe some chicken. 

She lifted herself from off the bed, went under the bed where bins held some stuff for her to have an easier chance at blending into the young college scene; modern clothes, shapely, but not overly expensive, heels that matched the theme, inspirational posters, colorful notebooks and pens and a sensible bag. A cream bed set was included, and bathroom essentials. 

No phone.

She lay back flat on the floor, the open bin next to her, sitting in between her and the yet to be made bed. 

She could skip out, stay in her room all day, use the pen and paper to croon pityingly to her dear love, money. She could go to class and show no interest whatsoever, sleep during the lectures, flunk all exams. She could do so many things, could kill someone, could walk out, could try to fake her death, but she wanted _safety_ , wanted to know what it felt like to have a life with someone. She turned her head to look inside the clear container and found a set of bath oils, and rose her tired body off the floor to go sit in the tub.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No beginning chapter notes because it's been a while since the last chapter was posted and it's always nice to just jump back into a story that hasn't been updated in a while.  
> I feel like the ~vibe~ of this chapter was a little off, but I a.)...have no real excuse let's be real  
> Not really sure when chapter 9 is going to be up BUT I can say that there will be murder so we have that going for us.  
> Erm, thanks for reading and for any comments <3  
> Russian Translations!  
> “Как вы думаете, она собирается выжить Карла? Это было в то время.” (do you think she is going to survive Carla? it has been a while.)  
> “добро пожаловать дорогие друзья в мой скромный дом” (welcome dear friends to my humble home)  
> “пожалуйста, приходите в мисс.” (please come in miss)  
> “Ребенок.(brat, child)  
> [if i missed one, my apologies]


	9. The Playmates pt.I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A move back to where it all started, and doing what she _should_ love doing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back!

Mariany Devid saw herself as a powerhouse of a woman who had the mentality of taking no shit and no one was safe from being a prisoner of her intensity. She knew what she was worth, and although married, she knew she could do so much better.

Her life wasn’t bad _per se_ , she made sure of that. She was _reasonable_ , she made sure she always had the essentials of life, it just so happened that those essentials were the best possible. Her husband often complained, but all he did was stay home and watch the twins, a job he had been destined to do since they first met, and really what did he know? He came from the kind of family where he had nothing to struggle for, while her family of ten struggled with even getting a decent chunk of old bread. 

She knew what she was doing.

Having lived in Edinburgh for 12 out of her 37 years, she found slight comfort in routine, but her new past time had become as much of an adrenaline fix as if she were having an affair at the office. She worked as a supervisor for a call log centre, a job she’s been rather good at for quite some time, especially in the last year. Jerry, poor idiot fool, continued to pester her that she should look for something else, something more _fulfilling_. It’d been his thing lately, hobbies and jobs that were _fulfilling_. 

If her recent purchases were proof of anything, she was fine where she was. 

“Good morning, boss!” Trent, the new intern, waved from the reception desk. He was, yet again, standing _unsettlingly_ close to Jenny, and Mariany could smell her perfume from two feet away. She slammed her file on the desk. 

“Good morning Trent. _Jenny_. Any messages?” She took a sip from her coffee, hissing and stuttering from the heat, snatching the napkins Trent waved in her face. “Fuckin ‘ell.” 

“Erm, no new messages-”

“What?” She snapped her head up at him; it was Thursday, there was _always_ a new message.

“-but there _is_ a representative waiting for you in your office.” Trent held a piece of paper in his fingertips, slightly wiggling his hips around as he balanced from foot to foot. 

She snatched it from him, thanking him curtly, and turning to head to her office. 

Katherine Highhill sat in the office of Mrs Devid, taking in the way that although all the furnishings and decorations were expensive -she’s seen their price tags before- there was a complete lack of harmony between the colours and textures. It looked as if someone who had never had more than £20 in their savings in their entire life were suddenly getting paid like an American top executive. 

Devid really had no problem showing who she was, incredibly. 

People like her irked Highhill fully, those who didn’t know how to conceal parts of themselves, didn’t know how to scale down their most toxic parts of their personalities, those who saw no flaws in themselves, their logic. 

In all, she knew her meeting Mrs.Devid would be a fun one at least.

"Good morning, and you are?"

"Highhill. Katherine Highhill." She stuck her hand out across Devid's desk, not letting it waver until Devid relented and shook her hand in response. She squeezed her hand, hard, briefly, before letting it drop. "A pleasure." She sat back down and waited until the woman in front of her did the same.

"Are you from The Company?" Devid had a coffee stain down the front of her plum satin shirt. It was a size too small, and her breasts looked lumpy and squished in them. Katherine had checked her recent intake, she could afford a proper sized shirt. She watched as she shuffled half-used pieces of papers around until the neat little pile that had been awaiting her was strewn about.

"Yes. I've been sent for a chat." Katherine was careful to lift her right leg and place it over her left, her soft dress pants not making a sound. Her rings _did_ give a slight metallic clunk when she folded her hands on her knee. 

"Oh? What about?" 

"Your cooperation."

Devid scuffed, leaning back against her chair, raising her arms above her head. "My _cooperation._ " 

Mariany wasn't an impressive woman, but Katherine could tell she thought she was. She wore a black skirt suit, black tights with a run on the inside of her left calf, and heels that were scoffed and close to falling apart. She had a gold bracelet on her fat wrist, unable to move around like a proper bracelet. Her hair was a mousey brown that had fallen to thin, greasy, flat, lifeless strands that had no more life in it and no one to properly care enough to style it.

“You alright? You look like hell if I can be honest.” She broke the silence she had created, still in the same position, but her head was turned to watch Katherine. 

Katherine turned her head to the side slightly, before straightening it and pursing her lips momentarily. “I’ve come back from a difficult assignment.” 

“Aw, you’ve come for me? Sweet.” Her smile exposed the fact that all the toothpaste in the world couldn’t help the coffee stains on her teeth. 

She uncrossed her legs, leaving them open and leaning back herself, her hands resting on her stomach. “How are you liking your treatment from us?”

“What?” She laughed, seating herself up proper once more, leaning forward to meet the other woman's gaze on her. “What is this? A survey?” 

Katherine shrugged “just a quick check.”

“The last one never checked.”

“We’re working to move in a slightly new direction.” 

Katherine didn’t break eye contact with her, blinking slowly when needed as opposed to Mariany’s insistence to not blink at all, as if in some way trying to establish some form of dominance over the situation. She could tell she was trying to read her, but she kept herself open, letting Mariany explore as much of her body as she could over the wide desk. She guessed that the woman was done with her visual investigation, as she fell back comfortably into her office chair once more. 

“Well the pay is good, but it could be better,” Mariany said, a tone of obviousness carrying the words. 

She pulled a pen out from her coat pocket, a little journaling notebook from the other, flipping to the third blank page and quickly writing down the quote. She looked up at her once done, motioning for her to continue. 

“You know, the other guy didn’t do that.” 

“New direction.” She offered her a tired smile before dropping it.

“Well, what about transparency? I don’t know _who_ I’m working for! But-” Mariany leaned forward, and she leaned forward as well, entertaining the other woman’s antics, even though she had to hold her breath when she could smell the body odour and coffee coming in _waves_ from her as she whispered harshly “-I think it’s a man, the way everything is stupid hush-hush.” Katherine hummed deeply in response. 

She leaned back once more, slowly releasing her breath as she wrote down _more transparency_ , underlining it twice, making note of the fact that The Company’s head was unknown. “That all?” 

“Yeah, I suppose.” 

She nodded, stood up and went over to the other side of the desk, standing next to Mariany and placing the notebook down in front of her whilst still stood behind her, “sign your name at the bottom.”

“What for?” 

“So that the top boss knows I’m not the one making this up.” Her hand went to her hair, also brown, but taken care of, pinned up to keep her hair out of the way. 

Mariany craned her neck to look up at her, the pen in her hand, almost to the spot where she could sign, “You know them?”

Katherine smiled at her, careful to pull her hair pin out and fluff her hair, “you should sign, I have others to visit and the boss likes efficiency.” 

Mariany rolled her eyes, turning to look at the paper, quick to sign her name. “There. Anything else?” 

“Yeah, it’s a bit strange, actually, but do you mind bringing your arm up? I just want to admire your bracelets, they’re quite nice.”

“I-” Mariany sighed, annoyed, and she threw it a _please_ to get her to relent. 

She did.

With Mariany’s right arm raised slightly, Katherine pulled it up so it was completely straight, pinpointing where her main vein might be under the jacket. “Are you blind as a bat up there? Can I get my arm back?”

“Your bracelet is really detailed oriented.”

“It’s really not at a- oh ow! Fuckin-” Mariany’s words were interrupted by her dead arm dropping on the table next to her. 

Katherine was careful to wipe the blood on a bamboo and cotton mixed cloth in her pocket, before pinning her hair back up. She pocketed her pen and notebook as well, checking the signature was legit. She sat next to Mariany, watching as she was losing the uphill battle with the toxins streaming in her blood, on an express route to the heart. 

“Why?” She breathed, trying, and failing, to fight off what was killing her. 

Katherine was stoic, taking in, cataloguing, each shaky inhale, each ragged exhale, the way her chest continued to inflate and deflate to a full dramatic effect, her wheezes growing deeper and further apart. Her eyes lost focus more than once, but when in focus they never lost sight of Katherine, and she never lost focus with hers. 

She was losing her battle, and Katherine scooted over, so her thigh touched Mariany’s shoulder, her dead arm falling from the desk from being jostled, and she, ever so gently, held Mariany’s head in her hands, leaning so close to her, as if she were to kiss her, take her final breath in her and hold it there for the rest of their lives. 

Seconds stretched longer than it felt like it had in ages, and yet, when Mariany gave out from underneath her when this woman was nothing more than a fresh corpse, the moment was gone far too soon for Katherine’s taste, and she stared at those empty eyes, before closing her own and letting the shudder pass through her body, almost knocking her out from the sheer force. It was almost as if all her nerve endings were standing at attention, and she let them, let her senses take over reason for the time being. 

She slid off the desk, still holding the head, and arranged the arms to be crossed on the desk so the head could be safely nestled there, all using the cloth with the dried smear of blood. She took one last look before slipping out the office, thankful that Mariany liked having the blinds closed so no one could see in the glass-walled room. The office was humming with slow energy, the sounds of uni aged individuals answering the calls of the old and confused trying to figure out how life works. She was calm in walking out, almost bumping straight into the pretty petite receptionist who had been on a quick iced coffee run. 

“Oh! Is everything alright?”

“Yes. Meeting went well.” Katherine dipped into her slight Scottish accent, a soft one as if she’d been working hard to get rid of it for a few years. “Though I do suggest leaving her for a bit. Said she had a migraine.”

“Oh, so gets those all the time. Thanks for letting me know!” 

Katherine smiled brightly, matching the receptionist’s and heading out the door, down the stairs and into the streets, holding firmly to the notebook. 

~

The train ride back to London was long, uncomfortable, annoying, irritating. Oksana tried to get her mind to focus on reading a book, reading the news, reading the signs that flew by, the kill, but all to no avail. The seats were as comfortable as they were able to be for a train that takes hundreds of thousands of people on trips. She didn’t care to get any snacks or drinks, her mind to restless and active for food, her body too tired to bother for it. 

An hour in, she found her mind releasing itself from the haze of Mariany, checking and seeing that they still had four hours left in the workday. Those who worked under her knew better than to bother her and would leave her be until it was time to close and she still hadn’t appeared from her fortress of seclusion. She cracked her neck, her knuckles, before truly relaxing back into her chair and plucking the magazine that had been left beside her, slowly going over each and every word in the gossip magazine until she allowed herself a slight snooze for the last half hour of the ride. 

Two months since she had last left, and as she stood by the entrance of the train station, it was as if she had been gone for the morning. She looked around her, at the people going in and out of shops and homes and little restaurants and other places to grab a quick bite to eat. She turned to head towards the direction of the bookstore where Konstantin was waiting for her, when she saw in the thrift shop window a blue dress hugging the mannequin’s figure, a strap horizontal above the cleavage line with two thin straps holding the dress on each shoulder. 

She watched the dress as if it would come to life, curls hiding the shoulder straps and a glorious neck, curls she’d have to move to the side so she could her neck tenderly, hear drunk giggles tumble from a precious pink mouth before she kissed and licked more instantly so the giggles turn into moans and pleas that she’d ignore. 

It was wrong to do a drunk woman.

But she’d tease. 

She’d lift her hand steadily and easily from where the dress started, right under the knee, hiking her hand up painstakingly slow, feel the soft warm skin under her hand. She could wait for her hand to reach her sweet spot, feel the immense heat radiate before cupping her gently, feel the wetness dampen her palm through her panties; she could wait for that, but she knew _she_ wouldn’t be able to. She’d insist, try to get the hand up further and faster, trying to grind down on it.

A hard shove nearly topples her to the ground and she looks to who the offender is only to have her breath catch in her throat as the woman who is crossing the street turns her head to look back at Oksana, her long, fluffy, dark curls whipping in the wind as she turned her head back to Oksana, smiling cutely before turning her head back, on her way as if nothing had happened. 

She made her way to the bookstore. 

Machiavelli Book Shoppe was a surprisingly small little hole in the wall with books covering the four walls, with enough room in the middle for two tall bookshelves, their backs to each other, and enough space that maybe four really wiry people could fit comfortably. The till up front was a desk by the door manned by a man who looked as if he had passed a year ago. 

“So where to captain?” Her breath was stale in her mouth, she’d get bread soon, maybe some hot chocolate as well. 

Konstantin slips keys into her pockets, pausing when his hand brushes against the cloth, questioning with his eyes what it was. 

Her own offered no response. 

“One north, two west, you’ll know.” His usual sausage breath was masked by the heavy scent of old decaying books and an even older more dead carpet surrounding every square inch possible.

“And my money?” 

“On the nightstand,” he patted her cheek twice and she flinched away on before the third, “just like it was meant to be.” He smiled at his own wisecrack.

“Don’t be disgusting, _Konstantin_ .” She turned from him, and he reached out and firmly grabbed her wrist. She bit down the flinch, her wrists were still sore for _misbehaving_ so much with the cute little German two doors down back at Uni. “Yes?” She breathed, looking over him, without taking any of him in. 

“I’ll be there for dinner-”

“I don’t feel like cooking.” _For you_

“-just be there. I’ll bring champagne?” 

His thumb was rubbing the skin under it, and although it was a sensation she hadn’t felt in such a long time, it wasn’t what she expected, what she _wanted_. She was able to pull loose from his soft grip and nodded her head. “I’ll see you for dinner.” She said, quietly, before slipping out, leaving behind a £20 note. 

From the outside, the building looked almost abandoned. There was an entranceway, a long arch between the walls, with some bricks missing in certain spots. Vines, some new, some old, curled around, dangling from the holes, and Oksana wanted to stop and wonder if the holes were purposeful; little pockets so life could form naturally, with little human interference. If Eve could see it-

It was very reminiscent of her building back in Paris, a curved stairway, no elevator, four floors, four occupied flats. But this one was different in the way it offered its life to her as if it knew it was a blank canvas, and she the painter. 

As soon as she stepped in, her feet touched old marble, cracked, neglected, dirty from years of dirt, but still, she could see little tiny specs of where it showed that the floor had seen grander days. She didn’t stop to wonder who could be in the first two flats, marching her way to the third and last one, entering and dropping her bookbag on the floor, and crashing on the couch, ignoring the way it smelled fresh from a factory.

~

Christina walked back into the house sighing at the carnage from the morning whirlwind of everyone in her family of five getting ready to go in the span of two hours. An overturned slice of toast with the jelly side down was drying on the floor, with another on the counter, the kettle lay upside down in the sink, empty, all the water going to everyone’s teas and coffees with no more left for her. Stray hairs floated around, hair clips and bows with hair strands stuck on the clips littered the entire scene along with bits of paper, miscellaneous food crumbs, scattered bills and envelopes, and discarded articles of clothing that had nothing to do with the day’s outfit.

She was only able to pick the kettle right side up when the doorbell sang its tune, just as her phone was ringing in her pocket. “Oh-” she groaned, taking her phone and answering without a glance at the caller ID “-hello?”

_‘Babe-’_

“Oh. John.” She breathed, barely containing her yelp when she slipped on the soggy toast that she accidentally stepped on.

_‘Are you alright?’_

“Yeah, nearly slipped on some damn toast on the ground one of the girls left-” the doorbell rang again and she groaned, dreading having to open the door to such a messy sight “-and now there’s someone at the door and the bloody kitchen is dirty!”

_‘Doll, take a breath. I’ll get off the phone, okay? I was just checking to see if the morning run was okay for you.’_

“It was hard, having to let my baby go, but it _is_ her first day of school, so off she had to go.” She lifted her hand, holding onto whatever it had fallen on, only to see it was Tammi’s bow matching the school’s colours. She clicked her tongue quietly, smiling amidst the bittersweet feeling in her chest. 

The doorbell rang _again_ and she huffed, cursing John when she heard him laughing through the phone and she put it back in her pocket to open the door. 

“Yes?” She hated how _annoyed_ she sounded with the young woman, but to be quite fair, she only needed to ring once and wait.

“Christina Well?” Christina, immediately, liked the way her name sounded in this woman’s voice, soft and smooth, the infliction at the end of her question bright. Earlier she wasn’t thankful for the fact that she wore her good jeans today, hated the way that it clung to her in _every_ way, but when the woman in front of her gave her the once over, her opinion quickly changed. 

“Uh yes?” 

“I’m Agatha. I’m from The Company.”

“Oh.” She held the woman’s eyes for a moment before letting them fall to her trainers. Well, Converse, actually, crisp new white ones. “Come in, I suppose.” She held the door wider for her, only then noticing they were dressed eerily similar. “I guess we both decided to be fashionable queens today huh?” She asked as she closed and locked the door behind her. 

“Hmm?” Agatha hummed as she stepped onto the carpet in the living room. Her boots weren’t off and Christina had to fight to not chastise her for it. “Oh yes. It’s been chilly out there isn’t it?” 

“Well, I don’t think so.” She made her way to the chair, picking up Tammi’s squeaky toy. “Oh, Tammi. Always leaving her toys about.” Her word avalanche started, and while Agatha was there, she didn’t mind off-loading. “I try telling the girls to put their toys away, but it’s hard to correct Tammi.” Agatha sat down, she could hear the soft squeak of the chair as she sat. She turned, trying to seek comfort in Agatha’s calm face. “I’ve done something wrong, haven’t I?” 

Agatha merely gestured for her to sit on the couch. She did. 

Agatha’s stare was intense, unwavering, her sharp blue eyes focusing on every little movement she made. She watched as Agatha crossed her ankles, her hands neatly tucked in between her thighs, her posture perfect. She reminded her of her old therapist. 

“ _Have_ you done something wrong?” Her voice was calm, low, each syllable softly pronounced. She probably _was_ her old therapist, just 30 years younger and a stone lighter. 

Her palms were warm as she tucked them in her own thighs, so she separated them and rubbed them on her thighs before curling her left hand into a fist as her right rested on her wrist. “I think so?” Agatha watched her expectedly. “You have to understand, my only dream in life was to have a good home, raise my children with their father. But it was hard, especially towards the end. Tammi was a difficult girl to make and carry.” It seemed with each word she spoke, more and more saliva left her mouth faster than it could make. 

“So you turned to The Company?” 

She nodded. “John, my husband, he had to keep leaving work so he could tend to the girls while I was on bed rest. We fought a lot, it was always because we didn’t have enough money for this thing or the next.” Her hands found their way to rest on her still there stomach, and it didn’t take much for the imagery of the morning to come rushing back; John wrapping around her while she stood in the mirror in just her underwear, kissing her neck while thanking her for the girls who were busy trying to get their bearings together in the next room. “I thought after Tammi was born, things would be easier, but things just got more intense. That’s when I turned to the Company.” 

Agatha nodded, before excusing herself as she took off her sweater. She herself grew warm and took off her sweater as well. “Would you like tea?” Christina asked, needing something to do.

“That’d be lovely, thank you.” 

Christina nodded and got up. 

In the kitchen, watching aimlessly as the kettle heated up, she wondered what happens to her now. Will she be cut out? Did The Company collapse and are doing damage control, getting rid of the loose ends? A lump formed at the possibility of being killed off. She had a minor position! All she had to do was hold mail until the paperboy came and delivered it to the people they actually belonged to. She couldn’t possibly be killed off for that, right? All mail leaves her house the same way it entered: unopened. 

The kettle had finished and she went back to the living room, the warmth she had gained from Agatha’s intense stare leaving her body. 

“Here we are!” She said cheerfully, appreciating the small smile that came from Agatha as she put the tray down with the little teapot and accompanying cups. “Bit chilly.” She noted under her breath as she put her sweater on, ignoring the way it smelled slightly off since she had worn it last, how it smelled slightly more floral than she was used to. 

“What was that?” Agatha asked as she prepared her cup, some milk, and three lumps of sugar. 

“Oh,” Christina waved her hand dismissively, and then leaning forward to make her own cup, “I was just mumbling that it was a bit chilly.” 

“Right.” Agatha sipped lightly, before placing her cup back on the tray. “Bit drafty in here, yeah?”

“Yeah. A bit.” She nodded her head, looking on as Agatha watched her sip from her cup. “So,” she cleared her throat, “shall we continue our talk?” Agatha gave a curt little nod and Christina smiled in response. She didn’t think she’d ever find herself _not_ wanting to smile at the woman. 

Their conversation lasted for another half hour, with each minute causing her breathing to get more and more laboured, making it more and more difficult to hide from Agatha. By the end, everything was hazy, and although the sensation was familiar, she didn’t have enough power in her to try and figure out _why_ she was familiar with it. Agatha felt bad, cooing over her and feeling her pulse and temperature every few minutes or so, but only so much could be done. She elected to wash their dishes before regretfully departing, stating that she had other business to attend to. 

After saying goodbye, Christina could do no more than to curl up in her chair, and nap.

~

On her train ride back, Villanelle hoped she’d never had to do another slow death again. Once more she stared out the window, speeding past nature and all it had to offer, even though none of it gave her ample distraction. 

The trees would be budding soon, just a couple more months, and she allowed her mind to wonder if Eve is waiting for that time as well.

She probably was. 

~

Although she hadn’t had the time necessary to dedicate herself to making the flat into _her_ flat, she had had the time to go online shopping and get the pieces delivered. She knew the delivery men were getting annoyed with her, having to lunge heavy things up three flights of stairs, and personally she hoped whoever else was in the building with her was annoyed with the constant movement. However, the only person she didn’t expect to be annoyed by all the deliveries was Konstantin. 

“You need to stop with the packages.” 

“You need to give me enough time to at least scratch my ass.” She rolled her eyes; first at him for getting on her case the _moment_ she stepped in, and one more time at herself for having internalized a lot more American sitcoms than she realized. 

“What?” Konstantin laughed, and she pushed past him to put her vegetables in the fridge behind him.

“Nothing.” She sneered, already wanting him out so she could get started on some early lunch. Chicken with some pasta, maybe a light salad? Oh! And a fruit tart or a slice of-

“Villanelle.” She slammed her fridge door closed when he called her name, standing at attention. He handed her his phone, opened to a headline of Christina. 

**‘WHEN LOVE GOES TO FAR: Local Bristolian Woman Found Dead From Massive Feline Allergic Reaction’**

“You did well.” He commented, and before her primal need to throw his phone on the floor with as much force in her being took over, she handed his phone back to him. 

“I know. Is that why you’re here? To tell me something I already know?” 

“No,” he sighed heavily, before moving back and resting against the counter. “We have an issue. You’re moving too fast.”

“Wha-” she sighed, deep and hard, before opening the fridge and blinding wrapping her hand around the first bottleneck her hand touched. Sparkling water. She decided she would need something stronger than that, and looked inside for some- there was nothing there. Sparkling water it was. “What do you mean ‘I’m moving too fast?’ Too fast for who?”

“Carolyn.”

“She still has a say so in this? Am I still working for her?” 

He grunts, shifts, and grabs a tissue from his pocket and blew his nose. “Just slow down. One every few weeks. Different ways, that way it will be easier to uh,” he flicks his fingers around and sniffs a couple of times, “lose the news. The less of a pattern, the better.” 

“ _I know this._ ” She couldn’t help but state through gritted teeth. 

“Good. I’ll see you soon.” He patted her cheek twice before letting himself out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, comments are always appreciated and if you want a real wild ride, I'm on Tumblr @mattedzamo <3

**Author's Note:**

> hope that was okay for you! thank you for reading and if you comment the biggest of hugs and kisses to you! if you really wanna stop by, my tumblr is @mattedzamo


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